Holidays and stepchildren

[JennyJungle]

Just wondering how it works in everyone else’s house.. if you also have your own children together?

Do you always holiday together with your step kids? Or do you do some holidays with them and some without?

We normally take our kids (we have 2) out of school to go abroad for a week as it’s a lot cheaper.

However DSD mum has said she doesn’t want her to miss any school next year as it’s the start of her GCSE stuff.

I still want to take our kids abroad next year but it means DSD missing out. We can’t afford to go in the school holidays as the prices shoot up.

It’s not a option for dad to not come as our youngest is severely disabled and it would be extremely hard work with only one of us there.

DSD is already going on holiday with her mum at Xmas abroad in a couple of months.

If we went abroad and she didn’t come we would still go camping in the school holidays so she would still get a holiday with us but just not abroad.

Do many other families do holidays with/without your step children?

We only ever holiday with my DSD.

She's with us 50% of the time, I wouldn't leave her at home and take her siblings away.

My brother has stepchildren and they never go on holiday without them. They’d never take some of the children and not the others; not fair.
If they can’t afford for them all to go then they either choose a different holiday or don’t go.

It's fine. DSD is getting a holiday and your DC will miss out if you don't go.

There will be a lot of posters saying they wouldn't but, having been the stepchild who wasn't taken on holiday by my dad and stepmum with my half sister, it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

DSD will be fine. Enjoy your holiday.

We'd never both take DC abroad and not DSS. That being said, I will most likely take DC to Disney once to twice while they're still very little, most likely with my sister as it's our "thing", which we do anyway. Just like DSS's mum takes him on special trips just the two of them 🤷🏼‍♀️

I would only holiday if all my children could attend. I wouldn’t take some and leave some behind. It would just feel odd to me. But then holidays are a big thing to us as we can’t often afford them. Maybe if we were a wealthier family jetting off to here and there often I’d see it differently.

Go on a cheaper holiday

We normally go on holiday all together. However we went away for a weekend with my mum while Sd was on holiday with her mum this summer. In your scenario it would probs depend what SD thought about it, and whether she would be missing contact time with you.

I wouldn't take some of my dc on holiday and not others.

If you skip the term time holiday next year you could put the money towards a nicer UK holiday in the school break.

@JennyJungle

Leave her to concentrate on her exams. You can do nice holiday after with her. She needs to be focused now.

Sounds fair enough tbh. You've given the option for her to attend and dad would take her if it were up to him. Mum had put a stop to it.

Carry on.

It’s mean to go on holiday and leave children out. Going in term time while one child is doing GCSEs so they get left behind is shitty behaviour. If you can’t afford to take all your children without messing with your education then you can’t afford to go. It’s that simple. Either choose a cheaper holiday for school holiday time or save up and go on holiday less frequently.

If she is doing her GCSEs she is at an age to understand so l would chat to her and explain about the term time thing and how you will all have your UK holiday later. She may not be too bothered.

It's not. They are having a holiday with their mum too.

As long as its not the DISNEYLAND holiday it's fine.

Don’t you get big fines any more for taking your kids out of school in term time?

I think the fines are still less than the savings so people still do it

Your Dsd will be studying for GCSE for 2 years and then A levels for 2 years (and her Mum is right: these are not the years to lose a school week for a holiday).

And by then she may be less keen on family holidays.

That’s a lot of time to put your holidays on hold, but then in families where all the kids live with both parents 100% of the time holidays usually evolve as school and study needs change.

We didn’t go away in term time or in the school holiday before big exams once the eldest was in the GCSE years and beyond.

Upgrade the summer camping trip to camping in Southern France at one of those lovely sites with river canoeing etc?

There’s 10 years between my DSS and my own two children, we used to holiday together but it just wasn’t enjoyable and I found I was left with my own DC for the entire time whilst DH indulged DSS. It was pretty miserable for me and would have been easier to just go alone. I think DH found it miserable too as DSS is so indulged he finds himself dictated to (entirely DH’s fault).

This year we holidayed with our joint DC and DH took DSS separately. DH said he preferred it too as there wasn’t any competition for his attention and he found the 1-2-1 easier.

I wouldn’t holiday with my DSS again. But that’s quite specific to our circumstances.

I wouldn't take the major family holiday without

But shorter breaks I might, especially if there was a big age gap (as interests/suitability of activities can vary widely)

I wouldn't take any children out of school for a holiday. If you can't afford to go abroad in the school holidays, stay in the UK and try a cottage, youth hostel or camping. A holiday is about enjoying time together, not where you go.

GCSEs are a stressful time and feeling excluded from a family holiday isn't helpful at all.

Do a holiday in school hol time rather than interrupt their education. Do something different within the same budget (totally poss btw) Take all of them.

This 👆

Agree with this….⬆️

Can you go less often if you can't afford every year in school holidays? You could go every other year.

There is 10 yrs between our dd and dsd and yes we holiday without her if we want a holiday as not paying school holiday prices .. if she can come with us she will but we are not stopping our holidays if she's unable to come with us . We do have lots of uk holidays which comes with us on so does not go without and her mum takes her abroad at least twice a year so she's not missing out .

We have said that if my SS goes on holiday with his mum then we will spend that time going on a different holiday. We discussed it with him as we said how it would be unfair for him to get 4 holidays a year and his sibling to get 2 holidays a year (for example) when we could afford the extra holidays while he is away. We are careful about the holidays we choose, as in we go places he has already been with us or places we think he would be unphased by. In your situation, I would view it as the holiday you are going on is the same as the holiday at christmas, just at a different time of year. If that makes sense?