Holidays and stepchildren

[JennyJungle]

Just wondering how it works in everyone else’s house.. if you also have your own children together?

Do you always holiday together with your step kids? Or do you do some holidays with them and some without?

We normally take our kids (we have 2) out of school to go abroad for a week as it’s a lot cheaper.

However DSD mum has said she doesn’t want her to miss any school next year as it’s the start of her GCSE stuff.

I still want to take our kids abroad next year but it means DSD missing out. We can’t afford to go in the school holidays as the prices shoot up.

It’s not a option for dad to not come as our youngest is severely disabled and it would be extremely hard work with only one of us there.

DSD is already going on holiday with her mum at Xmas abroad in a couple of months.

If we went abroad and she didn’t come we would still go camping in the school holidays so she would still get a holiday with us but just not abroad.

Do many other families do holidays with/without your step children?

Of course you can go. DSD is having a holiday abroad and you and your kids can as well.

This place is full of people who think children of the first relationship should be treated like gods and children of the second fed on gruel wearing sackcloth.

Ignore those full of spite.

And conversely should Dsd have to miss out on her holiday with her Dad because her parents are separated?
She's not missing out on her holiday with her dad. He can't take her abroad either way - either her mum says she can't go during term time or finances say none of them can go during the holidays. She's getting a camping holiday with dad same as the other DC.
Saying that the younger DC should not get the same as their sister (a holiday abroad) when there isn't even any actual benefit to DSC is just petty and spiteful IMO.

As it’s year 10 he would of taken her for a week yes.

Her mum has said she doesn’t want her to which is fine and her choice.

However DSD mum has said she doesn’t want her to miss any school next year as it’s the start of her GCSE stuff.

I think this is fair enough. SHe's having a holiday with her Mum. Could your DH take her on holiday too? You may need to rethink taking your kids of of school when they get to this age too.

I would moderate my plans and included all of the children, otherwise you are just asking for trouble, resentment and dsc feeling very left out.

You could go in the half term instead it is much cheaper.

At the end of year 11 she'll finish school a few weeks earlier.

Could you then take the holiday during term time with her then so this year she doesn't come but the year after she does?

Same when she's doing a levels/ college.

I am also wondering why your dh cares so little for education?
It will be affecting ALL of your children, a week is a long time to miss at any age.

Absolutely and when they get to that age I will put some thought into it but until then Im just living one year at a time.
I won’t ever have this issue with my son, only my daughter.

As I said our son is severely disabled. Holidays will only enrich his life and won’t effect him negatively educational wise.

Our daughter gets extra tutoring and has only just left primary school. She’s already moved up 1 set for every subject and we are really proud of her.

His daughter is in top sets for everything, she is very bright and missing a odd week hasn’t harmed her education.

You can also ask why my DSDs mum doesn’t care about her daughters education as she also has taken her out in term time for a holiday in the past. 🤷🏼‍♀️

If dsd had holidays abroad during term time when she was younger than I think it's fair enough. You won't be taking your kids during term time when it's their gcses either. I'd have a conversation with dsd that it's not bc she's uninvited but because of her age and where she is at in education. Otherwise she got loads of lovely term time holidays when she was younger but your kids will miss out now. I think she's old enough to understand she has to put her education first. And if you can't all go in the holidays with her because you can't afford it, she doesn't get to go either way.

Caveat is if you could actually afford a school holidays trip but just don't want to spend that much, then that's not on.

Thats fine then. She was given the choice and mum decided no.

You can't assume your dd will be as bright as her step sister. A week is a hell of a long time and you should care about your child's education.

It is DSD's mother that is preventing her going this year as she clearly does value her education, it is possible her mother did not agree fully with the educational loss but kept quiet for her dd's sake.

Where did I say I thought my DD would be as bright as her sister? I never. I said she moved up a set and I was proud of her. That’s it. They are two very different people with different strengths and weaknesses.

Her mum took her out during school time more then once herself so I very much doubt she kept quiet for her DDs sake. She’s just decided she won’t during the next couple of years. Which is what I may decide to do as well which by your standards would make me value my kids education too.

What? Where did you get that from?!

She was given the choice and mum decided no.

This could be spun the other way: mum is the only one that cares about not disrupting DSDs GVSE years. The dad and step mum would prioritise a holiday.

Here it is £60 per child per parent(I think the latter still applies), only kicking in on day 5.
Don't even think it's per week here either.

So for a dual parent family it's £120 per child for a week's holiday - the saving on a week away abroad going in term time rather than on holidays is usually way way more than that.

When fines kicked in we actually had a slight rise in parents taking children out of school abroad, more than happy to pay the fine.

Yup. But it would be on dad's contact time.

@JennyJungle "You can also ask why my DSDs mum doesn’t care about her daughters education as she also has taken her out in term time for a holiday in the past. 🤷🏼‍♀️"

It's unfair to say that. Taking out DCs in earlier years is not the same as taking them out in exam years. I don't know what the answer is about the holiday conundrum, but I doubt when your DD gets to that school year that you'll be voluntarily missing weeks of the exam curriculum.

I don’t feel it’s unfair to say the above at all.

However this wasn’t a thread surrounding the issues of missed education.

It was about how fair it would be going on a holiday without dsd for a year (although she will still get a camping holiday too).

Some agree it’s fine and others not so much so it seems very mixed.

Does your husband actually want to go away without all of his children?

If he's happy to do separate holidays this year maybe he can do one with you and your joint children and other one with just his eldest so she can be his sole focus, just as his children will be with you on the first trip.

A good education is worth more than a week in the sun.

I think you might be seeing this as an opportunity to save some money AND not have to have teen DSD on holiday with you, as most parents would not leave a child out of a holiday under any circumstances. If she was your actual child you wouldn't consider it, so I don't know why it is okay because she is a SD.

The winter holiday is irrelevant as they are six months apart.

It is the underlying message that is the problem here, and that is that she doesn't matter quite as much as the other children to her father, and to you as a family.
Put it this way I am sure you won't be going when it is DD's GCSEs so I am not sure why you would treat them differently. I suspect this is not the answer you were looking for....

Would you take your own children out of school for a holiday during GCSE years? I don’t know anyone who does that and schools are certainly very discouraging because they can’t afford to miss school unnecessarily. It’s really very unfair for
one child to miss out because they can’t miss their exam years. There’s plenty of cheaper places you could go in school holidays with all the children. GCSEs finish in June so book a cheaper abroad holiday for then on the second year. It’s really only one year so either pay more or book a cheaper break. Or take your children yourself with a relative

Or take your children yourself with a relative
And there it is. Why should the younger kids get to live life as if their parents are still together when we could easily pretend they have the same disadvantage as their elder sibling?

Bonkers isn't it. I mean what is dad going to do at home on his own? Why does the DC have to act like their parents are separated. When the DSC's parents split up that was the choice they made. DC's parents are together.

I’m looking for all opinions which is why I asked on here. Thanks for yours.