AIBU expecting my husband to come?

[Flyawayy]

My gran lives in another country. She is getting quite frail and elderly.

Myself and DH have been out to see her a couple of times over the years before we had our now two year old and she's been here to see us too. I've also been out on my own plenty of times as well.

She has asked if all the family will come out to see her and have a little family get together as in her words she doesn't think she'll get to do it for much longer.

She's invited me, DH, our child, my parents, my auntie, uncle and my cousin's to stay with her for 5 days.

This falls on a time as aren't due to have DSC so I assumed no problem.

Except DH is saying he thinks it's unreasonable they haven't been invited firstly and secondly he feels he can't go as it looks like we're taking our child on holiday when we haven't taken DSC this year (couldn't afford abroad in the summer holidays but did have a long weekend in the UK).

AIBU in thinking he should come? It's possibly the last time we'll get to be there with my gran. It's not necessarily a holiday but just a family spending time with each other.

DSC don't really know my gran so I'm not surprised they haven't been asked. There's also not unlimited space either (there's two of them). They don't know my auntie and uncle or my cousin's either.

I think he's being a dick refusing to go because his children haven't been invited when they don't know my gran. He wouldn't care if it were a family meal over here they weren't invited to, but because it's something which could be seen as a bit fun then it's unfair?

Yes, he's being a dick. Go with your kid and leave him at home.

How can you afford this when you couldn’t afford a holiday?

My gran is paying for us to come out there and we'll be staying at her house

He's expecting his kids flights to be paid for by your gran who doesn't know them? Is he mad?

Yes he should go, but frankly I'd just go without him. It doesn't sound like he'd be missed.

He’s being a dick

If he is going to be a moody arse about this then he should stay at home, especially if your Nan is paying for the trip

He should go with you and support you.
His dad guilt has nothing to do with situation.

Do you think the children's mum will moan at him ?

You're seeing family, it's not really a holiday is it 🤯

Go without him.
Why should your Gran pay for someone who doesn't want to go.
Completely daft for him to expect DSC to go on a visit to see their SM gran.

It’s not really a holiday, it’s a visit to a family member who’s getting frail.
It’s not a kid focused trip at all. It would be crap for the DSC anyway.
Your 2 year old isn’t going to come home and brah about the trip because he’s two.
The only person who is likely to feel upset or conflicted is your H.
The only way I can see the step kids possibly feeling resentful is if the idea of going in an aeroplane is super exciting for them and they’ll be annoyed if their sibling gets to go and they don’t. But that will happen whether or not yout husband goes.
If he refuses to go, frankly I would lie to your family and tell them he couldn’t get the time off work.
No one except him is going to understand the not coming because his children from a previous relationship were not invited.

Surely he has a beating heart in his body and can see that this isn't an actual holiday? Or he just doesn't want to go and is using them as the excuse. That's it isn't it? Surely.

He needs to go with you.

I can understand his reluctance concerning his children by ex. I can just see her coming on here complaining about her deadbeat ex taking his new family abroad and leaving their children behind. Everyone will be confirming what a waste of space he is.

YANBU. If you were visiting his family abroad, then yes his kids would have to go to, but visiting your family to whom his kids have no relation, no one would expect that they should be invited. It's not encroaching on his contact time so he should absolutely come with you.

You need to try and see it from each other's perspective. You talk about it being all the family, because for you it is.

For your husband, it's missing really important family members, so probably feels more like a holiday and something that excludes some of his children.

Sit down and talk to each other, is there something he could do with his older ones that would make home feel better about going to see your family with just his younger ones?

It's not a black and white situation.

For your husband, it's missing really important family members

I get this but the trip isn't about him. It's about my gran for whom all the family will be there.

I mean if you were paying for it out of family finances then I could see his argument a bit, even though its absolutely not a holiday and given the circumstances isn't reasonable that they go. As is he is being unreasonable and invariably making a challenging time for you and your side of the family even harder. I'd go without him if he continues to be ridiculous, which is a shame as I'm sure you could do with his support, but you don't need this unnecessary drama.

He's being utterly ridiculous and cruel to your gran . This isn't a holiday this is her last hurrah.

Yes. I would ask your husband if he sees himself as grans family or not. If he doesn't then don't bother taking him and exclude him from all family events going forward. When he married you he joined a family, if he doesn't like that he shouldn't have married you.

Just go with your child. I would feel similar if DH's family invited us to visit but said to leave my kids at home, that they only want his bio kid. I probably wouldn't go either.

He's being a prick. I would find it hard to get past his refusal if it turns out to be the last time we were all together.

Would he be insisting the DSD come to her funeral too?

Ask him if he expects to take his children to her funeral? Won't that be another "fun holiday abroad" that they should be included in?
Then take your child and go by yourself. He isn't "blood kin" anyway and the way he acts he may not be related by marriage forever!

Another ridiculous dad, if his ex takes the kids to Disney World is that unfair on your shared child?
Funny how these situations are never reversed, alway the poor hard done to first DC, who in reality get more than most.

Go and tell him he’s being totally unreasonable and disrespectful to your Gran.

I made the mistake of including step kids in one of my last visits to my Grandad, at Exes insistence. They didn’t want to be there. Made all meals awkward together. Ex was constantly trying to appease bored looking kids. And when my Grandad died not one step child even commented let alone go to the funeral.

If you are saying that, sodid the DSC.