I'm so desperate for help and I want to see if anyone on here can advise or even if they've gone through something similar.
I have 2 children with my DH, they're 3 and 5 He has an older son from a short term relationship who is nearly 10.
DH wasn't told about his son for a good few years, as his mother thought another man was his father. This came out after a DNA test 3 years ago.
Unfortunately DSS's mother has always had problems, they've come to a head and after SS involvement we now have DSS living with us full time and will be for the foreseeable future.
When he moved in as SS suggested we started family and individual therapy for DSS, this is a huge change for him, especially since he has only known his father for a few years, and they were building contact for a year of that. He has a new house, living full time with siblings (he was an only with his DM) and they lived a chaotic lifestyle, not many rules, no bed time etc.
We have tried to manage this as best we can and are being flexible with our house rules to help with the transition but he has developed a skill in manipulation and I'm struggling to deal with it.
DH is overcompensating and DSS feeds off this, if I say he can't watch TV whilst we are eating dinner he will tell DH I've shouted at him and made him feel unwelcome. DSS stole some money from DH and hid it in my purse, he fell at school and told DH I pushed him out of the car.
I've spoken about this in our therapy sessions and it seems DSS wants his father to himself and I'm a barrier to this. Again I totally understand his emotions but I'm the one bearing the brunt of this.
Our family therapist suggested I over attach to DSS to make him feel secure with me and therefore doesn't want me to leave. But he is taking this too far, when we go out together 1-1 he will ask for the most expensive toys, foods on the menu at lunch etc.
Things have taken a turn for the worst over the last week and he is now turning his anger to our other children. Telling them to do things that aren't safe, daring the 5 year old to jump from a taller branch on a tree, to take their helmet off when riding a bike etc.
I now can't leave them alone due to my worries over their safety.
DH is trying his best but is a lot more torn than I am, he is worrying about 3 children and at the moment I'm only worried about 2.
Im scared how much further this will go, he has already told DH i pushed him out of a car when he fell at school. Thankfully in that case there was an accident log at school, but what if he starts going this more and I then risk losing my other children due to SS involvement.
He is even manipulative in family therapy, he lies to our counsellor and I'm worried he is doing the same in his private sessions with a different therapist.
Leaving DH is a last resort, mainly because I love the pants off him, plus even if I left he'd get the kids and the issue would persist with DSS just less of the time. At least with 2 of us in the house it's easier to make sure they're not alone, although it's not foolproof
Sorry that was longer than planned, I'd be grateful for any guidance or advise on how to get through this