Who is being unreasonable here?

[MyGhastIsFlabbered]

I have 2 DCs, my husband has 1 and they all live with us. All through July and August I have been saying to my husband that we needed to sort out childcare for next week as it's still school holidays. He kept saying 'we'll sort it out later'. Well there is no later and we still don't have childcare. Now my husband is basically saying that it's down to me and my ex to sort out childcare for our DCs and that he will sort out childcare for his DC.

I've tried to explain that we're a family and we should sort it together for all 3 but he is adamant. And now I'm struggling to find childcare for the kids when, if I'd known he was going to say this, I'd have made arrangements at the beginning of the holidays. My husband is now looking very put upon and saying he'll have to work from home with all 3 kids because I've just dumped them on him. I've pretty much used up all of my annual leave so that isn't an option, plus taking it at short notice is very frowned upon.

So how do we untangle this? Is he right in that my children aren't his responsibility? Or am I right that were a family and should sort these things out together? Should he at least said that he wasn't responsible for my children at the beginning of the holidays so that I had a chance at sorting things?

And on an unrelated note I'm even more fucked off now. We haven't seen each other all day because I've been working then the minute I got home he had to leave to take his daughter to her
Mum's (she does have her but can only cope with 1 night per week), then he 'had' to go to running club. Meaning I waited until gone 9 for my evening meal because he likes us to eat together. He then proceeded to spend the entire meal on his phone laughing about an in-joke with his running buddies whom he'd seen only an hour beforehand.

Fuck this shit, I did nOt sign up for this.

Meaning I waited until gone 9 for my evening meal because he likes us to eat together. fuck that shit.

I never wait for DH when he's doing the drop off (it's a long distance thing) and I most certainly wouldn't if he then decided to go out after.

God he sounds like a twat. I wasn't on your side before but I am now.

I didn't get back from the gym til 8 tonight. No way would I expect anyone to wait to eat with me.

How long have you known him?

Now seems a good time for realising you can eat when you’re hungry and enjoy no one grumping at you and explain he seems to have his buddies in his phone for company so you won’t wait around.

husband is unwilling to accept my son having 'privileges' that his daughter doesn't have (such as being trusted to walk home from school unsupervised). And he's adamant he won't WFH with more than his daughter there for more than one day

So he won't let your son be treated differently, but he treats his daughter differently

Meaning I waited until gone 9 for my evening meal because he likes us to eat together.

Daft you for waiting!

Is it because of the consequences if you didn't?

He should have said from the start that you and your ex needed to make arrangements.

You should have assumed that you would need to rather than assuming you wouldn't.

You would expect him to sort out childcare for his if they were living with you part time but this is different. His child lives with you full time. Obviously he doesn’t see you as a family of 5 just his and yours. Next time arrange something for you and your kids to to and when he moans that you haven’t included his child say, “I thought you would arrange something to do with YOUR child”. Sounds like your husband is part of the family when it suits him and not when it doesn’t. I’d be having some stern words with him and questioning just how serious he is about everything. Somethings wrong here

So...an update for anyone who's interested. Apparently DH did mean he would 'work through' with all 3 kids here every day this week apart from today when my ex has the boys. And is now claiming that I didn't tell him I had made plans for Friday and is annoyed I won't change them. So I fail to see how looking after them whilst WFH on 3 days is that different to doing it for 4 days so my original AIBU still stands I think.

And when I mentioned that we ought to plan for the October half-term he just got in a huff and said that I'd assumed he'll wfh with the kids. I've done nothing of the sort and will make arrangements for my children myself now.

What’s the point of him really?

@MyGhastIsFlabbered this is from memory just one of many posts where he does exactly the same as this - this behaviour isnt new and it is always the same

Why are you surprised by this

Honestly I'm starting to wonder this

Haven't read all the posts but I have DC, my DH has his own DC and we also have shared DC. We are one family but as we don't communicate with each other's exes, I deal with childcare for my DC, and he deals with childcare for his. I don't get involved with his and vice versa unless one of us specifically asks. I'd never expect my DH to sort out childcare for my kids, they're NOT his responsibility. He's their stepdad but they have two parents already who ARE responsible and more than capable of arranging childcare when they need it.

Definitely start to make your own arrangements for your child during October half term. That way you don't worry or stress, you've given him the opportunity to discuss this sensibly with you, and he's declined, so when he moans, you can tell him to 'do one'.

I might also be tempted to 'remind him' via text that you're sorting childcare for your dc, and if he wants you to do the same for his, then he needs to email/text you. Then you've got it in writing, when you tell him 'to do one'