DSC upset because I call DC the same pet name their mother uses for them...

[Namenam3]

And AIBU to say I'm not going to stop?

One of my DSC is a bit over sensitive. They always have been about loads of things.

One thing that's come up recently is him being upset that I call our young DC (18 months) together the same name their mum uses for him. I had no idea their mum calls them it and it's a fairly normal pet name (like sweetie, baby etc..)

Husband plays into this sensitivity a lot, I think because he harbours guilt about not seeing them all the time and has suggested I just call our DC something else. AIBU to not play into this? It's ridiculous imo. I'm all for having an empathetic conversation with DSC about it but not pander to it.

My family often call it our DC too so we can't just insist no one ever use this name, it's crazy.

I think you need to make a decision based on what you would do if this 9 year old was your bio child? Personally I see no benefit in creating animosity between the two kids - older children get jealous of younger kids it’s normal. Your child is 18 months and will have no memory of the pet name change. This is very much how you feel about your 9 year old stepchild and your the adult so it’s not great.

Surely you’d just laugh and say ‘you’re both my pumpkins’ to your own child?

With none of the drama about any of it.

I would not stop calling my younger child a name because my older one didn't like it. Why would you? Why would you agree to create some weird inequality in your own home?

I seriously doubt many would pander to it if both children were theirs, much like if the older child is jealous of the new baby and says "I'm your child, not them" you'd probably just say "you're both my children".

Hilarious you’ve taken exception to that when my point was that several posters freely say that certain posters must be bitter first wives. There’s a hypocrisy at play. Obviously I’m not saying anyone who complains is bitter - it’s fucking disingenuous to come to that conclusion. But I do think one or two posters are bitter after bad experiences/treatment. I’ve read posters admit that.

I don’t agree @Catfordthefifth that SMS and their DC are the lowest of the low on MN anymore. They definitely used to be a long time ago on here. But these days I see far more posters like you saying that’s the case rather than posters making it clear that’s how they feel. We’ll just have to agree to disagree on this.

I don't know what boards you're reading because I've been here years and nothings changed. Its still the same posters it was years ago who come and stick the boot in to make themselves feel better. And MN still do nothing about it and delete what they personally don't like rather than what actually breaks the rules. It'll never change. Step mother's have always historically been seen as a negative in children's lives I can't see it changing. Posters like me are probably more prominent because a lot of us are sick and fucking tired of being spoken to like shit both in real life and on here, and we feel sorry for the "newbies" who come here often distraught with realnlife looking for a shoulder to cry on and just finding the equivalent of their husbands ex wife screeching at them virtually. Its wearing. Its really fucking wearing.

I’ve been here since 2004. I found the attitude to SMs much worse then than now but you’re right that there are SM posters who are much more vocal.

And I do think it’s changing on here and IRL just because there’s so many more step-parents and blended family these days.

Well I would never post any of my step-parenting issues on here because I know the type of responses it would attract.

You kind of have to squint and ignore all the shit have a go at step mum types if you want to see the support

The funny thing is, has anyone actually had a go at the OP on this thread? Disagreeing isn’t having a go. And roughly half the responses are fully agreeing with her.

This is a good example of some typical passive aggression I'd say.

If you want to hurt your step DC’s feelings a little every time they hear it, and chip away at at your relationship with them, carry on. Surely it’s not much skin off your nose to be the bigger person (since you actually are the adult) and use a different nickname

Ooh look and another. A brilliant example of the shitty, ignorant attitude towards step parents on MN.

If you want to hurt the resident DC's feelings a little every time they no longer hear it, and chip away at your relationship with them, seal your lips right now. Guard yourself against any affectionate tone with them in the DSC's hearing and see their self-esteem crumble to dust.

Goes both ways, doesn't it?

You're forgetting @SpaceshiptoMars that resident dcs don't need to rely on feelings they're a ok because their parents are together. So they just can't feel hurt.

If you want to hurt your step DC’s feelings a little every time they hear it, and chip away at at your relationship with them, carry on. Surely it’s not much skin off your nose to be the bigger person (since you actually are the adult) and use a different nickname

Never mind your own children though huh. Always put the stepchildren above your own children.

It’s almost like a show demonstration post, isn’t it? 🤦🏻‍♀️

Op - you are one of those posters where I am not sure why you bothered to post because if anyone has told you they think you ABU you have just argued they are wrong and you are right. So carry on as you were.
I am a bit sick of the whole thing though that if someone disagrees with a step mother they are step mother bashing - that’s just a lazy way of trying to shut down a discussion.

@ittakes2
Have you never asked a friend "these shoes or these with this dress?" Only to wear the ones she didn't choose because the process of asking the question and having it answered helped to clarify your own thoughts on the matter?
That's why people post.
They've got doubts but the more people argue a certain way, the more fixed the become in their position.

Err do you get how this thing works @ittakes2?

OP asked a question but she doesn't have to agree with all responses and she's welcome to defend her position too. Sometimes people just want to vent and discuss with likeminded people. Unfortunately on this board you struggle to do this because you can't seperate the wheat from the chaff.

I find it weird when people complain the Op hasn't changed their mind due to the people who disagreed with them - even if those people were in the minority. It's not like the majority has agreed OP shouldn't use the word.

It is quite demoralizing to see all the posters namecalling and criticizing a 9 year old for having insecurities. The mockery of this child and the negative posts about him are quite telling about the maturity of the posters. Regardless of how the issue gets resolved, the idea that the child being uncomfortable somehow makes him worthy of all the nastiness directed at him here is really unfortunate. The concept of empathy for a child not their own blood is clearly a foreign concept to some.

Ooh and another one.

Yes, we are all lacking in empathy for making the same decision we would if it were our own child (which is what you want us to do isn't it?)

The lack of empathy isn't about the decision, it is about the spiteful and critical posts targeting a 9 year old child who voiced how he felt.