DSC upset because I call DC the same pet name their mother uses for them...

[Namenam3]

And AIBU to say I'm not going to stop?

One of my DSC is a bit over sensitive. They always have been about loads of things.

One thing that's come up recently is him being upset that I call our young DC (18 months) together the same name their mum uses for him. I had no idea their mum calls them it and it's a fairly normal pet name (like sweetie, baby etc..)

Husband plays into this sensitivity a lot, I think because he harbours guilt about not seeing them all the time and has suggested I just call our DC something else. AIBU to not play into this? It's ridiculous imo. I'm all for having an empathetic conversation with DSC about it but not pander to it.

My family often call it our DC too so we can't just insist no one ever use this name, it's crazy.

Why? She might not feel like calling them a pumpkin and it will just seem forced.

Pumpkin is ridiculously common as a term of endearment. I use it with my kids, my DH uses it with his. Not constantly as we tend to use loads of different terms. It's not unique at all so no I wouldn't stop using it.

At 9 they are old enough to understand that and it's a really slippery slope pandering to every "insecurity" when sometimes it's not an insecurity. They just don't like something.

Where does this stop? I have watched this first hand and it does not result to secure children, it results in young adults who don’t understand why the whole world isn’t just how they want it.

Exactly that @lickenchugget

Well said @lickenchugget

Absolutely not. This would be utterly ridiculous.

As others have said where does it stop?

"You can't paint his bedroom that colour, my mum painted my room that colour"
"He can't wear that, I used to wear that"
"We can't go to the zoo because that's where mum takes me" etc,etc.

All children whether DC or SDC need to learn that sometimes, just sometimes, life isn't just about what they want.

Yes it is largely an American term of endearment. After all, pumpkins are native to North America.

It’s migrated over here as a term but that doesn’t mean it’s as common here as it is in the US. It’s not on a par of usage as sweetie. I agree it’s probably regional. Obviously I’ve heard it before as a term and probably used it myself once or twice, but I don’t hear it being used where I live. So I could understand the boy mistakingly thinking it was special to him if he’s not heard it used apart from by his mum and now OP.

www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/pumpkin

Well to be fair it was a bit of a dick thing to do for your husband to give you a mug that says “best mum in the world” in front of his child/ren who have a different mum. Your husband can celebrate you as a mother without implying you’re better than his ex in front of his kids. Kids can be sensitive about this stuff.

I would still call my child whatever I wanted. Not my problem. It's just a nickname they should get over it

Don't be so fucking silly.

Oh give over @ChickPeaChic

Yawn. Mumsnet is depressing on this board sometimes, full of women desperate to “assert their boundaries” instead of just showing some basic consideration for CHILDREN with the irrationalities and feelings that children have. But no, it’s more important for mum to have her special mug than to avoid a child wondering why step mum is the “best” and not their own mum. Some people need to grow up before procreating.

That PP was given it by their own DC why the hell should they not be able to give their own mother a world's best mum mug?

You wouldn't give a shit if DSC gave their mum one I imagine. Let me guess... "That's different because because because..."

the irrationalities and feelings that children have

Understanding doesn't mean complying with every irrational feeling a child has. You can discuss things empathetically whilst still doing very normal things.

It’s perfectly possible to tell the SC that of course the child giving their mother a best mum mug sees it that way. No one expects them to think their SM is better than their mum.

The expectation that the SC’s feelings come before the SM’s or her children’s even on mothers’ day is one of the depressing things about stepparenting.

If the SC are going to struggle with Mother’s Day being about their SM being a mum to her children, then the thing to do would be to make arrangements to ensure they spend the day with their mother. Not to limit everyone else’s options.

Honestly I've heard it all now. Half siblings can't even give their own mother a world's best mum mug on Mother's Day 😂 absolutely insane.

That's fucking pathetic 😂

The first law of Mumsnet, always put the precious SC's feelings before everyone else. Regardless.

So not allowing a child to give their own mother a "World's Best Mum" cup on Mothers day is showing them some consideration for their feelings is it? Why is it that when it comes to any children in the home only the SC matter? How do you think that makes the other children feel to think that they always have to come second best wrt their feelings and insecurities?

Yawn. Mumsnet is depressing on this board sometimes, full of women desperate to “assert their boundaries” instead of just showing some basic consideration for CHILDREN with the irrationalities and feelings that children have. But no, it’s more important for mum to have her special mug than to avoid a child wondering why step mum is the “best” and not their own mum. Some people need to grow up before procreating.

LOL. So a child isn't allowed to think or state that their mum is the "best" in case it upsets the step-sibling? Why shouldn't the mum be able to enjoy having something from her OWN FUCKING CHILD that says she's the best? Oh no! Don't upset the poor fragile stepchild.

Silly me! I forgot that step mums and their own DC aren't allowed to have any feelings or joy in their lives.

Those of you acting like @ChickPeaChic saus something stupid and outrageous should read the post by @fufflecake again.

Fuffle said her DC gave her the mug. She then said it was her first year as a mother. So unless she adopted, her DC was a baby. His many of you know babies who are capable of choosing mugs?

So obviously it was the DH who bought it. And yes it was fucking insensitive to his children by his ex partner. They would have known he chose it. Very different if fuffle’s DC was old enough to chose it themselves.

Makes no odds @DuchessDarty

Why shouldn't the PP be able to have that for her first year as a mother?! That's ridiculous.

I think the issue is that a months old baby isn’t giving their mother anything, the present is purely from the father. Which perhaps isn’t the most tactful if you are in the position of having more than one mother to your children and presumably he hadn’t got the equivalent for those children to give to their mother. Some people want to make such an issue of things that they stop being kind and thoughtful.

It makes every odds. You and others were frothing about a child not being able to choose it for their own mother. This child didn’t choose it.

The father should have made sure his elder DC didn’t see it. Because to them it could look like he’s saying his new partner is a better mother than the DSC’s mother. Which is bloody insensitive.

I'm just wondering why the DSC are with SM on SM's first Mother's Day and not their own Mum. A bit like when the DSC absolutely have to be with SM the very day she is scheduled for a caesarian.