DSC upset because I call DC the same pet name their mother uses for them...

[Namenam3]

And AIBU to say I'm not going to stop?

One of my DSC is a bit over sensitive. They always have been about loads of things.

One thing that's come up recently is him being upset that I call our young DC (18 months) together the same name their mum uses for him. I had no idea their mum calls them it and it's a fairly normal pet name (like sweetie, baby etc..)

Husband plays into this sensitivity a lot, I think because he harbours guilt about not seeing them all the time and has suggested I just call our DC something else. AIBU to not play into this? It's ridiculous imo. I'm all for having an empathetic conversation with DSC about it but not pander to it.

My family often call it our DC too so we can't just insist no one ever use this name, it's crazy.

This is a lovely thing to say. Maybe that would help reassure your dss?

I think explaining to him that it's a common term used is probably a good idea.

It's upsetting him though, so I'd try not to use it as "the nickname". I'd mix what I used, so he hears both the toddler and himself being called love/cherub/darling/treasure/sausage as well as pumpkin.

I'm a mum and a stepmum and this is so utterly ridiculous. Continue as you are OP and let DH explain the ins and outs of nicknames. God of all the things SMs are made to feel guilty about and compromise this one is up there with the utterly absurd.

What if dsc then starts demanding you stop doing other things with your own dc that his dm does with him?
Slippery slope imo.

This is such a good way of explaining it! This is what I was going to say. Also pumpkin is such a common nickname, I use it all the time with friends / family / pets 😂

Wierd.

Your DSC is playing up because they are feeling left out. Choose another nickname, it really is that simple and will stop a 9 year old kid from being so upset.

Feeling left out how? Their mum calls them the same pet name.

Is he upset because you specifically use the name or could he be upset thinking his dad uses that name if it was the name he called him? That would be more understandable. People can be sensitive about the use of pet names - Lillibet for example (not a common pet name of course but still caused upset).

What if op's dc also likes the name? Should their feelings be actively not priority?

And when the DC is older and learns that he had to have a different pet name because the older child said so? How do you think they will feel about having their own mother put another child above them? Once again the SM's feelings and her own child have to come below the wants/needs/demands of the SC.

could you ask if he’d like to be “big pumpkin” or “pumpkin senior” now, at your house? You then don’t have to lose your little DC’s pet name and DSC isn’t losing his either…

I doubt this would solve it tbh, he isn't called pumpkin here so it's not like it's a name his dad uses for him here, his dad has never called anyone pumpkin I doubt 🤣 it's what he's called at his mum's house. I think he'd probably hate it even more if I/we all started to call him it.

Omg don't change the very common nickname you call your dc. Some of these posts are ridiculous. Don't agree to stop because you will not be able to do so anyway, it's such a common name that it probably just comes out unconsciously.

Address dsc's concern, for sure; don't pander to it.

We do this, it isn't the most prominent name I use for our DC. It's just one that's generic and gets said intermittently like sweet, baby, lovely, treasure, sausage, that sort of thing.

Explain kindly that it's a nickname lots of people use, and it is one more thing they have in common with your dc because they're family?

That's a nice way of explaining it thanks.

I thought this too. What will be next 'you can't read that story to DC because my mum reads it to me' and so on

Pumpkin is pretty common where I live. Actually I’ve heard it used by CMs too.

And that’s the thing. The reason why the OP and dsc mum are using it is BECAUSE it’s pretty common. I mean if it want, what the chance would be that both mums had started to use it and it was pretty normal in their families?

I would explain to dsc that it’s a pretty common nickname used by adults for a child. That’s why both her and his mum use it. And he is likely to hear tiger adults using it too.

I wouod actually say the same thing to your DH @Namenam3

DH never calls him pumpkin. It's a name his mum uses, not DH.

He’s 9. If it’s really causing an upset I can’t see the harm in finding a new different nickname.
But if that’s a lot of bother then he’ll have to get over himself .

What pet name do you call your DSC?

I'm not sure that is a good idea if they are feeling a bit threatened by the baby.

Maybe just explain it is a common nickname that loads of people use and its nice they have it in common. They will know at 9 that they are family.

Pumpkin is fairly common around here, perhaps arriving from American tv.
We have Roo, Pickle, Poppet, Big Gary and Little Gary, and Voldemort in the family.
My kids used to laugh when I accidentally called their friends Darling.

Don’t pander to his ridiculous chin-wobbling.

Maybe ask, in a friendly way, if he’d like to be called Big Voldemort.

is it going to be another issue when your toddler begins to talk?
’But he can’t call you mummy, that’s my name for myyyy mummy’ etc.

Ime dc get a bee in their bonnet about all sorts.. As the parent you can actually say no.

My ds was upset we didn't call his new db Bob after his bff's ddog!!
Ds is now 7 and older db is 18 and not emotionally damaged he didn't get his way.

As I am sure ds is happy he isn't called Bob after a spaniel!

And your DH is on shakey ground, he can't just stop doing things with DC because of his other child.

One of my DSC got a bit funny at me being given a best mum in the world mug from my DC in front of them. But it was the first mothers day I'd been a mother so they were probably just adjusting.