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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Left DSC home alone

775 replies

Work1 · 04/08/2022 10:24

This happened yesterday but I'm still fuming about it to be honest.

I was due in work at 9am, husband starts at 7am so I've been dropping DSC at their holiday club on my way to work a few times when they've been at ours and we've had to go into work. They don't particularly like going but it is what it is.

Anyway yesterday morning DSC (9) was in a foul mood, refusing to get up, point blank refusing to go to club, saying 'make me', saying they were too tired and so on...

Anyway, it got to the point where I was going to be seriously late for work and I had to drop our child off too so I just fucked off and left. I rang DH and told him he'd need to come home from work and deal with it and I left and went to work.

DSC rang his mum and she's furious he was left alone but I am passed caring. They will now need to sort holiday clubs out or time off themselves as I won't be helping with it again (she's dropped them off with me beforehand too to take them to clubs as she starts work earlier than me). No way was I being late for work because of a 9 year olds tantrum and I wasn't dragging him out to the car either. Instead of being furious with me how about being cross with your child for being so naughty?!

OP posts:

Summerhasbeenandgone · 04/08/2022 10:25

And now the actual parents can well, parent. Yanbu op.

Original poster

Work1 · 04/08/2022 10:26

I'm so cross as well that I'm the one that's getting it in the neck. Fuck off and teach your own child how to behave then.

OP posts:

FlibbertyGiblets · 04/08/2022 10:28

Yes step back, drop the rope. The parents must sort it out - at the end of the day, not your kid, not your circus.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 04/08/2022 10:30

If something had happened to the child when you funked off and left them to it, then as the actual adult, or babysitter the child was left in the care of you would be the one responsible. How did it get this far, had you previously refused to take them?

FrazzleDazz · 04/08/2022 10:31

I understand it's not your position to parent DSC and now you've made your position clear going forward that's fine. However, you agreed to take DSC to a club, you agreed to look after them and you've left a 9 year old alone in the house without supervision. If it was a similar situation with a babysitter or a childminder and they'd left my child alone unsupervised because they were naughty I'd also be horrified.

BodenCardiganNot · 04/08/2022 10:32

How long was the 9 year old alone?

FlibbertyGiblets · 04/08/2022 10:34

You say something like 'I refuse to be involved further. I am sorry your child declined to cooperate' - repeat as a stock phrase.

liveforsummer · 04/08/2022 10:34

I leave my 9 year old alone sometimes. I don't blame you although I suppose there was a risk in that mood he might do something silly like smash some in off etc. In hindsight you should have phoned dh sooner and made him return but it's done now and no one is hurt. YANBU to refuse to do the drop off again

AmandaHoldensLips · 04/08/2022 10:34

Totally infuriating for you, and you were damned whatever you do in that situation.

Step back and let the parents do the parenting. It's not your responsibility.

Step-mums are often taken advantage of in my experience.

Holly60 · 04/08/2022 10:35

I kind of think if you agree to become a step parent (i.e by marrying a person with children) you'd be naive to not foresee this sort of thing would be in your future.

This is why I would never marry someone with children.

TokyoSushi · 04/08/2022 10:35

If your DH wasn't very far away and they weren't alone for long then I can completely see why you did what you did. (for context I have a 9 year old, they would be perfectly fine for 20 minutes or so)

Runwalkskijump · 04/08/2022 10:37

Work1 · 04/08/2022 10:26

I'm so cross as well that I'm the one that's getting it in the neck. Fuck off and teach your own child how to behave then.

I'm not suprised you are. Leaving them on their own? Seriously

Iamclearlyamug · 04/08/2022 10:37

Totally see why you did what you did - I'd have done the exact same.

Why is it your problem his kids are so bad mannered and refuse to do as their told? And as for their mother, she can do it herself then can't she - how dare she have a go at you for her kids poor behaviour?

My daughter would absolutely be read the riot act if she behaved like that!

frazzledasarock · 04/08/2022 10:38

A 9 year old left home for a short while whilst the parents get home is fine.

The parents need to parent and get the blame for palming off responsibility of their child to another adult who has absolutely no influence over the child if they refuse to do as they’re asked.
OP could not have dragged the child out of bed, she couldn’t have forced them into the car, she man handle them into getting dressed. stepping away and alerting the child’s parents was the only solution.

Original poster

Work1 · 04/08/2022 10:38

If it was a similar situation with a babysitter or a childminder

I'm not a babysitter or a childminder, I have my own job to get to and being late because someone else's child refuses to get out of bed doesn't cut it.

OP posts:

HeddaGarbled · 04/08/2022 10:38

you've left a 9 year old alone in the house without supervision

Only for the length of time it took his dad to get home and he clearly had the means to phone his mum immediately anyway.

Goldbar · 04/08/2022 10:38

You were wrong to leave DSC home alone (he was in your care), but YANBU to say that your husband and his ex need to sort things between them from now on.

Original poster

Work1 · 04/08/2022 10:39

BodenCardiganNot · 04/08/2022 10:32

How long was the 9 year old alone?

Ended up being about 30 - 40 mins.

OP posts:

ermagerdabear · 04/08/2022 10:39

you agreed to look after them and you've left a 9 year old alone in the house without supervision. If it was a similar situation with a babysitter or a childminder and they'd left my child alone unsupervised because they were naughty I'd also be horrified

He's 9, not 9 months. I don't blame you, OP. I would probably have done it with my own if they were playing up like that. A babysitter and a childminder also get paid for it. I assume the OP doesn't.

GreenManalishi · 04/08/2022 10:39

I'm just struck with the complete lack of empathy for the 9 year old. Why would you marry someone with children, go on to have your own children, and then draw a line and opt out when their kids aren't "behaving"? They're not a car you never drive that needs servicing. Baffling. They're absolutely and completely aware of how you feel about them. All of the time. Which might help you work out why he's not "behaving" for you.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 04/08/2022 10:41

If it was a similar situation with a babysitter or a childminder and they'd left my child alone unsupervised because they were naughty I'd also be horrified. me too, I would probably be contacting the relevant authorities to get them struck off. NSPCC doesn't recommend leaving under 12s alone, as they aren't young enough to cope if something goes wrong. This could affect your dh's access in the future op.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 04/08/2022 10:43

Work1 · 04/08/2022 10:39

Ended up being about 30 - 40 mins.

Show quote history

Whilst they were having a tantrum meltdown? Jesus!

frazzledasarock · 04/08/2022 10:45

No it couldn’t, leaving a 9 year old on their own whilst the parents get to them isn’t a crime. There’s no minimum age especially not for a thirty-forty minute period.

you’d need to prove the child was not sensible enough and could endanger themselves, for it to affect contact.

Original poster

Work1 · 04/08/2022 10:45

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 04/08/2022 10:43

Whilst they were having a tantrum meltdown? Jesus!

Show quote history

No they weren't having a meltdown. They were refusing to get out of bed because they were tired after being asked over and over again and replying with make me.

When is your child you may have a bit of leeway with work. But it doesn't really cut it when it's someone else's child making you late for work does it. Doesn't really wash with my boss that I'm late because my step child refused to get out of bed whilst his actual parents were off at work on time at their own jobs.

OP posts:

Runwalkskijump · 04/08/2022 10:46

Well it's obvious you don't like them and they are picking up on it.

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