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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Left DSC home alone

775 replies

Work1 · 04/08/2022 10:24

This happened yesterday but I'm still fuming about it to be honest.

I was due in work at 9am, husband starts at 7am so I've been dropping DSC at their holiday club on my way to work a few times when they've been at ours and we've had to go into work. They don't particularly like going but it is what it is.

Anyway yesterday morning DSC (9) was in a foul mood, refusing to get up, point blank refusing to go to club, saying 'make me', saying they were too tired and so on...

Anyway, it got to the point where I was going to be seriously late for work and I had to drop our child off too so I just fucked off and left. I rang DH and told him he'd need to come home from work and deal with it and I left and went to work.

DSC rang his mum and she's furious he was left alone but I am passed caring. They will now need to sort holiday clubs out or time off themselves as I won't be helping with it again (she's dropped them off with me beforehand too to take them to clubs as she starts work earlier than me). No way was I being late for work because of a 9 year olds tantrum and I wasn't dragging him out to the car either. Instead of being furious with me how about being cross with your child for being so naughty?!

OP posts:
CharlieAndTooManyCharacters · 04/08/2022 12:27

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 12:18

All those saying they would leave a 9 year old etc , SS may no agree with that decision depending on many factors

Well she called the child’s father and told him the situation. So he clearly didn’t object to her leaving the child for the time it took him to get there. Otherwise he’d have raised it with her.

She fulfilled her responsibility. Passed the care to the child’s parent who knew he was unsupervised. If SS have an issue with that, they can take it up with him.

The fact that the child phoned his mother to tell on his stepmum and dad speaks volumes about the dysfunctional dynamic there.

If my son had called me to say he’d been left alone after refusing to get ready, I’d have been angry with him. Even if I didn’t agree with leaving him alone, the fact is that I’d be very unhappy that he felt it was not just ok to treat an adult looking after him that way but to report it to me as if he’d been wronged.

ImAvingOops · 04/08/2022 12:28

And it's easy for people to say you should have done X instead - hindsight has 20/20 vision! But when you are in the thick of it, late for work and with a stroppy child, parents sometimes have less than perfect clarity. I still think it's better to leave him than to have dragged him to the car. A mum can physically plonk her own child in the car but not a step child really. If you can't treat him the exact same as your own child then you shouldn't be expected to have the same responsibilities as if he was your own child either. Mum and dad can get him to childcare in future.

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 12:28

Many of you don't seem to realise that SS could get involved if they wanted or someone reported
Leaving an upset 9 year old alone is not really ok
My friend had them get involved foe leaving a slightly older child alone as a neighbour reported

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 04/08/2022 12:29

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 12:26

@Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim you are aware SS can do something though , there is no law for a reason but guidlines give a better indication

What do you think they will do?
Are you one of those who tell people to log things with 101 😅

You always see some numpties rattle out that BS of the child snatchers coming to prowl on a perfectly well looked after spoilt brat

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 12:30

@CharlieAndTooManyCharacters not sure the law works like that though
And yes I would be fuming with my son and would of wanted calling before as I would of been telling him to do as he is told and what his stepmum is asking
I would still not be ok with an adult leaving him for 40 mins alone and obviously upset

CharlieAndTooManyCharacters · 04/08/2022 12:30

frazzledasarock · 04/08/2022 12:23

Unpaid parental leave is applicable only for children you have parental responsibility for.

OP as a step penetration does not have PR for her step child

And why should the OP take unpaid leave because a stepchild feels it’s fine to refuse to get up and go to the club his father has signed him up for? Why should her income be reduced as a result?

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 12:31

@Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim know i don't call 101 or tell others unless its a crime
But I am pointing out that some people do report and SS can get involved due to the childs age thats is a fact
I know someone it happened to and child was older

frazzledasarock · 04/08/2022 12:31

Your friend just have done a lot more than leave a NT ten year old unattended at home once for half an hour. For SS to get involved or care.

Onlyhereforthebatshitneighbours · 04/08/2022 12:32

Onlyhereforthebatshitneighbours · 04/08/2022 12:26

Yanbu op

Sorry pressed post to soon. I don't think you've been at all unreasonable op and reading your posts it sounds like you were confident he would be safe and only alone for a clearly defined and limited period of time. I'm not sure I could have done it, I'm far too cautious, but I legally you clearly did nothing wrong.

MugginsOverEre · 04/08/2022 12:33

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 04/08/2022 12:16

I'd tell the mother that you have taken on-board her views and the next time you will drag him to the car and he can hit every step on the way.

It my kid ever pulled a stunt like this when someone was doing us such a favour they had better pray to every God that I had calmed down when I got to them because I would lose my mind at them

I think you and I would be friends.

I've got three kids and it's unfathomable that they could or would ever act like that. If they pulled that rude shit with a stepparent, a teacher, childminder, or even a nosy neighbour who I don't even like they would be in serious trouble with me.

audweb · 04/08/2022 12:33

is this a nine year old that is used to being alone? Were they safe to be alone? I know my nine year old would struggle to be left alone for 40 minutes, and we read so often here that it depends on the maturity/ability of the child under 12 to cope.

i would have phoned and demanded their dad came home first before leaving, but you’re not wrong going forward to refuse in the future.

but if this kid had never been left before then you were in the wrong to just walk out.

CharlieAndTooManyCharacters · 04/08/2022 12:33

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 12:30

@CharlieAndTooManyCharacters not sure the law works like that though
And yes I would be fuming with my son and would of wanted calling before as I would of been telling him to do as he is told and what his stepmum is asking
I would still not be ok with an adult leaving him for 40 mins alone and obviously upset

I‘m not convinced you know enough of the law to be commenting on any of this tbh.

She relayed the information to the parent who has responsibility for the child. He knew she was leaving him.

What do you imagine SS are going to do here? Do you imagine they have the capacity (or any powers) to go around telling a SM off because a naughty 9 year old was unattended for half an hour while his dad returned from work? Really?

chesirecat99 · 04/08/2022 12:34

frazzledasarock · 04/08/2022 12:23

Unpaid parental leave is applicable only for children you have parental responsibility for.

OP as a step penetration does not have PR for her step child

That is correct. I was referring to dependent's leave, not parental leave, @frazzledasarock.

Employees are entitled to take a reasonable amount of time off in an emergency/unexpected situation to care for a dependent. The definition of dependent is anyone who relies upon you to help them in the case of emergency. That could be taking a flat mate to A&E or waiting 30mins with a 9YO step child for their DF to arrive so they aren't left home alone.

Catfordthefifth · 04/08/2022 12:34

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 12:28

Many of you don't seem to realise that SS could get involved if they wanted or someone reported
Leaving an upset 9 year old alone is not really ok
My friend had them get involved foe leaving a slightly older child alone as a neighbour reported

SS really don't have the time or the inclination to be getting involved in a non event like this. I suspect there was more at play with your "friend"

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 12:35

@frazzledasarock nope they hadn't it was purely about leaving a child home
They never got in major trouble as there was no other issues but they were told not to leave them alone again
SS look at all the facts, if there had been an accident say they would then maybe be notified and would look at if the situation was safe
There isn't a legal age but they can prosecute or step in etc at even older ages

MrsDrDear · 04/08/2022 12:35

OP you did the right thing.

You've drawn a line in the sand and demonstrated your job is just as important as theirs.

frazzledasarock · 04/08/2022 12:36

@CharlieAndTooManyCharacters i was replying to another poster who suggested OP should have taken parental leave as DSC is her kid too.
She can’t take unpaid parental leave (and you’re right why the hell should OP lose a days pay for someone else’s child). And she would not qualify for it anyway.

Ontomatopea · 04/08/2022 12:36

Yup hopefully this has taught everyone involved a lesson. You are not a pushover.

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 12:37

@CharlieAndTooManyCharacters yet seem to think you do ?
Read up find out for yourself
You seriously don't think if an accident had occured and a child at that age was alone it wouldn't be looked into
I know a little how it works and even with a 13 year old one may be deemed on to leave home alone , another not

Ontomatopea · 04/08/2022 12:37

chesirecat99 · 04/08/2022 12:34

That is correct. I was referring to dependent's leave, not parental leave, @frazzledasarock.

Employees are entitled to take a reasonable amount of time off in an emergency/unexpected situation to care for a dependent. The definition of dependent is anyone who relies upon you to help them in the case of emergency. That could be taking a flat mate to A&E or waiting 30mins with a 9YO step child for their DF to arrive so they aren't left home alone.

Show quote history

It's not an emergancy. Being so lazy they can't be arsed to get out of bed is not an emergancy.

BiscoffSundae · 04/08/2022 12:37

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 12:22

@Hopefullysoon2022 have you read the nspcc guidelines
A friend of mine had SS involved for leaving slightly older children alone
They are looked at on a case by case basis often , the nspcc guidelines state higher at the very least

I had ss called on me for leaving a similar age dd home alone, and I have no involvement but they still called me to check if it was the case so people are wrong if they think ss wouldn’t care

garlictwist · 04/08/2022 12:37

FrazzleDazz · 04/08/2022 10:31

I understand it's not your position to parent DSC and now you've made your position clear going forward that's fine. However, you agreed to take DSC to a club, you agreed to look after them and you've left a 9 year old alone in the house without supervision. If it was a similar situation with a babysitter or a childminder and they'd left my child alone unsupervised because they were naughty I'd also be horrified.

The kid is 9, not a baby! I am sure they can cope with being in the house alone for a little bit until the dad got home.

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 04/08/2022 12:37

OP please tell me his father placed the fear of God into that child and he came to you on bended knee begging for your forgiveness the moment you arrived home?

frazzledasarock · 04/08/2022 12:37

So really @worriedatthistime you’re friends case proves exactly what we’re all saying.
Social services would not have done a thing in this case as OP left a belligerent 9 year old in bed for half an hour whilst dad rushed home.

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 12:38

@frazzledasarock who looses a days pay for being late
No one suggested she take the day off , just wait for dh or childs mother to get there so the 30/40 mins