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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Left DSC home alone

775 replies

Work1 · 04/08/2022 10:24

This happened yesterday but I'm still fuming about it to be honest.

I was due in work at 9am, husband starts at 7am so I've been dropping DSC at their holiday club on my way to work a few times when they've been at ours and we've had to go into work. They don't particularly like going but it is what it is.

Anyway yesterday morning DSC (9) was in a foul mood, refusing to get up, point blank refusing to go to club, saying 'make me', saying they were too tired and so on...

Anyway, it got to the point where I was going to be seriously late for work and I had to drop our child off too so I just fucked off and left. I rang DH and told him he'd need to come home from work and deal with it and I left and went to work.

DSC rang his mum and she's furious he was left alone but I am passed caring. They will now need to sort holiday clubs out or time off themselves as I won't be helping with it again (she's dropped them off with me beforehand too to take them to clubs as she starts work earlier than me). No way was I being late for work because of a 9 year olds tantrum and I wasn't dragging him out to the car either. Instead of being furious with me how about being cross with your child for being so naughty?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Work1 · 04/08/2022 10:46

I would probably be contacting the relevant authorities

I'm sure they'll be falling over themselves to arrest me.

OP posts:
LindaEllen · 04/08/2022 10:46

Holly60 · 04/08/2022 10:35

I kind of think if you agree to become a step parent (i.e by marrying a person with children) you'd be naive to not foresee this sort of thing would be in your future.

This is why I would never marry someone with children.

Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

If my stepson is misbehaving, there's no damn way I'm missing work over it when he has two biological parents.

Original poster
Work1 · 04/08/2022 10:47

Runwalkskijump · 04/08/2022 10:46

Well it's obvious you don't like them and they are picking up on it.

On the basis of one interaction? No not really. If I didn't like them I'd not have offered at all. Generally he's a good kid but he can be stubborn sometimes. More often than not he comes around eventually but yesterday was taking the utter piss, he was badly behaved and he should be pulled up on it by his parents.

OP posts:
hulahoopqueen · 04/08/2022 10:48

I was a right little shit when I was 9, and would absolutely have shown my DSM this kind of shit.
She would have done exactly the same as you, OP.
My mother did not like my DSM at all. But had I called her in a strop that I'd been left alone, my mother would have laid into me, not the DSM, and my DF would have done the same - because guess what, it's the child who has the responsibility for their actions at that age.
I don't think YABU in this instance.

lunar1 · 04/08/2022 10:49

Your husband will have to change his his hours so he is responsible for his child 100% of the time. He should have come home the moment you told him you were struggling yesterday, not left it to the point where you were being made late.

He can parent his own child from now on.

MiddleParking · 04/08/2022 10:50

Holly60 · 04/08/2022 10:35

I kind of think if you agree to become a step parent (i.e by marrying a person with children) you'd be naive to not foresee this sort of thing would be in your future.

This is why I would never marry someone with children.

Hardly. None of the nine year olds I’ve ever known would dream of saying ‘make me’ to a direct instruction, nor refused to go to school. It’s bad enough having your own kids affect your job, let alone someone else’s.

MeenzAmRhoi · 04/08/2022 10:53

You're well within your right to refuse to take DSC to anymore holiday clubs, their parents can sort it out and I wouldn't put up with it either.

But Yabu to leave them alone.

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 04/08/2022 10:57

Sounds like exactly the sort of reaction that the DSC needs to realise they don’t rule the roost. Obviously don’t respect you as a parent so leave it to the actual parents from now on. You’re right, why should you and your workplace be affected while his own parents just swan off to work without a care?

Summerhasbeenandgone · 04/08/2022 10:57

Hopefully the dps will be mortified at the dc they have created..
Hopefully you will update to see how dh manages tomorrow..

Goldbar · 04/08/2022 10:57

You can't leave a child that age alone though. Next time (if there is a next time), tell DSC that either he gets ready or you'll be dropping him at his dad's work in his pyjamas for him to deal with. But don't leave him in the house by himself.

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 04/08/2022 10:57

YANBU to leave a child of that age alone for less than an hour - especially if they were in bed ffs!

MiddleParking · 04/08/2022 10:59

How can people possibly think OP should face consequences at her work because of the behaviour of someone else’s child who has two parents? What kind of employer or colleague would be okay with that?

Original poster
Work1 · 04/08/2022 10:59

if there is a next time

There will not be a next time.

you'll be dropping him at his dad's work in his pyjamas for him to deal with

So you'd be fine with me literally dragging him to the car?

OP posts:
newbiename · 04/08/2022 11:00

What happened in the end ? YANBU

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 04/08/2022 11:04

Sod that, his parents will have to deal with him in future wont they

And I'd be really annoyed at him if he was my 9 year old

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 04/08/2022 11:05

If I didn't like them I'd not have offered at all. so you offered and it didn't work out, so you just left the 9yo?

MiddleParking · 04/08/2022 11:06

OP is your husband annoyed with you? Or is it just his ex who is?

HappyHappyHermit · 04/08/2022 11:11

I think you were unreasonable to leave him unattended as for me he is too young for that and he was in your care. You are not being unreasonable to refuse to help out in future if they don't learn to behave.

Ducksurprise · 04/08/2022 11:12

Goldbar · 04/08/2022 10:57

You can't leave a child that age alone though. Next time (if there is a next time), tell DSC that either he gets ready or you'll be dropping him at his dad's work in his pyjamas for him to deal with. But don't leave him in the house by himself.

You very much can leave a child alone in the UK.

How do you get a 9 year old into the car?

HappyHappyHermit · 04/08/2022 11:12

And yes absolutely there should be consequences for the child too, the behaviour is completely unacceptable.

Original poster
Work1 · 04/08/2022 11:14

How do you get a 9 year old into the car?

Well exactly. I'm sure his mum would have had something to say if I'd physically dragged him to the car too.

OP posts:
Georgeskitchen · 04/08/2022 11:15

Yanbu
Make it Crystal clear to the parents that this will not happen again. If this child is acting up the parents must leave work to come and deal with it.
Immediately as you are leaving for work

FlibbertyGiblets · 04/08/2022 11:15

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 04/08/2022 11:05

If I didn't like them I'd not have offered at all. so you offered and it didn't work out, so you just left the 9yo?

If you had read the OP you would have discovered that the OP has dropped the DSC at club a few times, including having the child dropped off by mum at the OP's for onward transit by OP. But don't let that interfere with your narrative of wicked stepmama, oh no.

Lilithslove · 04/08/2022 11:18

The people likening this to a childminder of babysitter are being ridiculous. A childminder or babysitter is being paid to look after a child and the op needed to get to her own job.

Unless you think it would be ok for the op to manhandle her SC then she had no other option.

As usual the underlying issue is that the dad expected the woman in his life to deal with childcare so he could go about his working day as if he didn't have a child.

MugginsOverEre · 04/08/2022 11:20

There is no legal age in the UK for leaving children unattended. It's such a grey area with so many different factors that they cannot come up with a definitive answer. You can be prosecuted if the child is left in a situation that could be dangerous but it's judged on a case by case basis. I'd happily leave my lot at home while I went to work (15, 12 and 10) because they're extremely mature. Some of their friends of the same ages? I wouldn't want to leave them alone in a different part of the house I'm in!!!
Th OP knows her step kid. If she genuinely thought he'd put himself in danger I'm sure she wouldn't have left. He is 100% his parents problem now. Well done OP for standing your ground.