Left DSC home alone

[Work1]

This happened yesterday but I'm still fuming about it to be honest.

I was due in work at 9am, husband starts at 7am so I've been dropping DSC at their holiday club on my way to work a few times when they've been at ours and we've had to go into work. They don't particularly like going but it is what it is.

Anyway yesterday morning DSC (9) was in a foul mood, refusing to get up, point blank refusing to go to club, saying 'make me', saying they were too tired and so on...

Anyway, it got to the point where I was going to be seriously late for work and I had to drop our child off too so I just fucked off and left. I rang DH and told him he'd need to come home from work and deal with it and I left and went to work.

DSC rang his mum and she's furious he was left alone but I am passed caring. They will now need to sort holiday clubs out or time off themselves as I won't be helping with it again (she's dropped them off with me beforehand too to take them to clubs as she starts work earlier than me). No way was I being late for work because of a 9 year olds tantrum and I wasn't dragging him out to the car either. Instead of being furious with me how about being cross with your child for being so naughty?!

I'd tell the mother that you have taken on-board her views and the next time you will drag him to the car and he can hit every step on the way.

It my kid ever pulled a stunt like this when someone was doing us such a favour they had better pray to every God that I had calmed down when I got to them because I would lose my mind at them

You cannot manhandle a nine year old into a car against their will without someone getting hurt both parties looking the worst for wear.

far more sensible to leave a nine year old lying in bed with dad on the way, than to risk injury to anyone by physically dragging an angry kicking and flailing person out of bed.

I get getting them to now take over but I would never of left a child that age in my care on their own

As I also already, said, in the eyes of the law, OP would have been held responsible if anything had happened to the DSC.

What law is this? I can see that it's illegal to neglect a child, but I don't see how you'd demonstrate that leaving a nine-year-old alone for half an hour could be neglectful?

It's a 9 year old not a 5 year old I'd expect them to be okay for an hour.

However, you couldn't have been 100% sure that the mum or your partner could get there within that time frame, I'd have been filled with anxiety leaving them. But then I have young DC so I can't imagine leaving any of them at home alone for 2 minutes.

It's a shit situation all round and I don't think you're in the wrong for being angry or refusing to help further. I myself would have called work and explained that it's extenuating circumstances and you'll be late. As a parent it's bound to happen sometimes.

All those saying they would leave a 9 year old etc , SS may no agree with that decision depending on many factors

He's 9 not 5 though and she rang her DH.
The DC rang their mother, seriously what else could she do.

Maybe some of you should read the nspcc guidelines
If i was the mum of he child I would now not be letting my dh have them unless they could guarantee this would never happen and they would never be left alone with the stepmum again and if I wasn't satisfied I would stop them going over

What do you mean, 'SS may no agree'?

Social services don't have any role here. If SS are already involved with a family they might give parenting advice, but they don't randomly assess people and tell them not to leave their nine-year-olds alone at home. And if they did, the OP would be perfectly entitled to thank them for their advice but decline to follow it.

Everything else aside I don't think leaving a nine year old by themselves for 40 mins is an issue anyway. 9 year old can walk themselves to school and most are more than capable of being left alone.

The mother will just have to arrange things herself if she doesn't like your decisions when you're in charge.

I'm sure SS have more concerning things to deal with than a 9 year old in bed at home for half an hour whilst their parent travelled home from work.

Personally I would have gone for the drag to the car method and dump at dads work in PJs but can see why you didn’t want to. With my own kid it would be dump at holiday club in PJs - don’t think they’d do that again. How late is 9yr old staying up that they don’t want to wake up on time?

I think if you make a commitment to care for a child you have to live up to that even if it makes you late. Say if kid had woken up ill or broken his arm getting downstairs or the holiday club had shut due to a flood or something you as the responsible adult would have to deal with that even if it makes you late for work. Just tell work the kid “can’t go to club, dad is coming back asap”. And then never never agree to look after again.

Don't worry, they won't be.

Good for you OP. Maybe DSC will be a little more willing to get himself out of bed next time! I can't see a problem with leaving a 9 year old for 30 minutes, although I'd imagine it was a shock to him.

@Hopefullysoon2022 have you read the nspcc guidelines
A friend of mine had SS involved for leaving slightly older children alone
They are looked at on a case by case basis often , the nspcc guidelines state higher at the very least

If he'd woken up ill or the club was closed I'd have phoned his dad and he'd have had to come and deal with it, I still wouldn't have had to be late for work.

@Work1 but if something had happened and SS got involved then it would of also been on you , you realise that as you were the adult in charge at that time

You should have waited until his Dad came back before leaving. I think you know that. Fine to be annoyed and refuse to do this again. Not fine at all to leave an upset 9 year old in a house by themselves.

Unpaid parental leave is applicable only for children you have parental responsibility for.

OP as a step penetration does not have PR for her step child

There are 9 year olds walking themselves to school. And playing out in the street. He was far safer at home in his own bed than doing either of the above, which are considered perfectly normal, acceptable activities!

The parents need to address this with their son and teach him to respect your authority. Alternatively they sort their own childcare and stop expecting your help.

OP there is nothing you can have done that people wouldn't have slammed you for.

Leaving DSC for 30 mins - you've endangered him

Dragged him to the car - you have no right to touch another persons child and you could have injured him.

Phoned DH sooner - why did you become a step parent if you couldn't handle it?

Missed work - oh so now you could lose your job and you'll expect your DH to pay for everything

What is done is done and you are right to not do any favours (because that's what it was) for DH or DSCs mum anymore

Maybe you should learn the definition of a guideline.

Sorry OP you left a 9 year old alone and for that I don't agree
I fully understand refusing to help out or have him alone again but at that given time you had taken responsibility as his carer, you were the only adult present
Surely he gets up and has breakfast etc before so when he refused you called his dad/ mum then to come home giving time for them to get back before you needed to leave

@Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim you are aware SS can do something though , there is no law for a reason but guidlines give a better indication

Yanbu op