Booked a few days away and DH sulking because of DSC

[SomeSortOfName]

Was with a friend yesterday and we have talked loads before about booking a few days away with our toddlers to Disney Paris.

Talking about it again yesterday and decided to book it as we found a good deal. It's only 2 nights and is during term time 2023.

Told DH when I got home and he's sulking because DSC have never been and it's unfair and I should have spoken with him so we could have arranged to go together.

AIBU to think this is so ridiculous.

Firstly, there is a massive age gap between DC and DSC so would be an entirely different trip.

Secondly, it's a couple of days in a year's time, I didn't think I needed his permission or that he'd even care. I paid with my own money.

Thirdly, he's never expressed any desire to go and we still can if he's that bothered, there's no rule to say you can only go once in your life.

Everything has to be poor DSC, it drives me mad.

Fair enough there’s got to be give and take in blended families, but in OP’s situation, I can see why her DH isn’t happy.

Fair enough there’s got to be give and take in blended families, but in OP’s situation, I can see why her DH isn’t happy.

What do you think he should "give", then? She can do things with her friends but only if he and his kids don't want to do it? She should always default to giving them first refusal?

I could understand if the OP was going on a local couple of days away with her child and friends, but DLP is more of an experience that all kids would find magical , and so I think it’s best to involve everyone in a trip like that, or at least OP could’ve given her dh the option of going with her with his other kids, so that all kids can share the experience together,

What exactly is stopping him from doing that?

Is his manly penis getting in the way of him booking a trip to Disney for all his kids if he cares so much?

But she has specifically said she would be happy for them all to go together another time, so surely what you really mean is that she should have felt obliged to NOT do this with her friend?

I never said the OP should take her dsc’s. However, I think she should’ve given her dh the opportunity to go as a family with her and all the kids before booking for only her and her little one

If her husband wishes for a family holiday to DLP he's more than welcome to book one, as OP has said plenty of times.

There's even time for him to book prior to next year. Four months in fact.

She should always default to giving them first refusal?

Hence why the world revolves around them.

Nothing is stopping him. But nothing was also stopping the OP asking her OP if he’d be prepared to go away as a family to somewhere he wasn’t really interested in, given that DLP is really a place for kids.

Is there any need for remarks like that?

No, but she should’ve asked her DH first if he wanted to go with all the kids.

In my opinion,

Yes I get that, but I guess he didn’t anticipate the OP arranging the trip without his knowledge, and him subsequently feeling as if his other dc’s were being sidelined.

The OP IS in a family unit with her now DH, so really she should be taking into consideration how her dsc’s may feel if they’re not invited on a trip such as DLP, even with their dad.

She’s not an extension of their father. She is her own person and she has one child. This trip to DLP is for her to spend time with her friend and their similar aged DC. Why should she change the whole dynamics of the trip to include dsc when she doesn’t need to?

If their father isn’t going then she becomes equivalent to the ex and really doesn’t owe anyone anything.

If you flip that, I could say that the world doesn’t revolve around her dsc’s

If you flip that, I could say that the world doesn’t revolve around her dsc’s

Well yes, that’s how it should be really.

But she’s not given her DH the chance to say he’ll go, do you not see that?

ok what do you think the OP would say if her DH tells her that while she’s in DLP, he’ll be taking his other dc’s away for those two days?

Do you think she’ll say ‘great, enjoy yourselves’ or do you think she’ll be expecting her DH to take their child away to ‘even’ things?
I know what I think. You see, it seems to be ok for SOME NOT ALL step parents to pick and choose when their dsc’s are excluded, but woe be tide their husbands if THEIR children don’t get treated exactly the same.

And the World shouldn’t revolve around the new family either.

Yes I get that, but I guess he didn’t anticipate the OP arranging the trip without his knowledge, and him subsequently feeling as if his other dc’s were being sidelined.

They haven't been sidelined. They've already been to DLP with their mum. OP's child is entitled to go with his mum. OP's husband is free to book for all of his children to go.

Funny how the OP said in her original post they’ve never been.

Funny how the OP said in her original post they’ve never been.

With her and her husband. They've been with their mother. Even if they hadn't it's not the OP's responsibility to remedy that.

I know what I think. You see, it seems to be ok for SOME NOT ALL step parents to pick and choose when their dsc’s are excluded, but woe be tide their husbands if THEIR children don’t get treated exactly the same.

You have this so backwards.

No, but she should’ve asked her DH first if he wanted to go with all the kids.

Which implies that if he says yes, she should have to do that rather than go with her friend.

I’m going to bow out now as I don’t want to be drawn into an argument.

What I will say though is that when people become step parents, they are (or at least should be) taking on the children of their spouses.

I believe that step parents should understand that they CHOOSE to be a part of their partners lives, and if their partners have children, then they are CHOOSING to become part of their lives too.
Children have no choice in the matter at all.

I’m not saying that being a step parent isn’t hard, because it probably is. But, in my opinion, if you marry a man/woman with children, then you should be prepared to accept them as part of your family. If you can’t do that, then walk away.

ok what do you think the OP would say if her DH tells her that while she’s in DLP, he’ll be taking his other dc’s away for those two days?

Do you think she’ll say ‘great, enjoy yourselves’ or do you think she’ll be expecting her DH to take their child away to ‘even’ things?

I know what I think. You see, it seems to be ok for SOME NOT ALL step parents to pick and choose when their dsc’s are excluded, but woe be tide their husbands if THEIR children don’t get treated exactly the same.

You seem to be forgetting the tiny but important detail that he is father to both. Of course she should take his younger one somewhere if he takes his older ones somewhere.

I find it really strange and quite telling though if he was to rush to take his older ones somewhere when op goes away. As if what op is doing is something to be made up for. I bet you don’t see him taking his youngest somewhere in a hurry when his older ones are away with their mum. Probably because nobody begrudges her that time with them. But stepmums like OP are always begrudged stuff like this.

I do not have it backwards at all.