Reasonable to think this is hypocritical or am I over reacting?

[UppityUp]

I really wanted to take our DC abroad this year before they start school next year. Husband didn't want to come as we can't afford to go away in the school holidays and he felt mean on DSC going without them, fair enough I understood.

So I booked a short break next week for 4 days with our DC by myself.

DH has just now told me he's booked to take DSC away for the weekend for 2 nights whilst we are gone.

AIBU to be a little miffed about this? I don't have a problem at all with him spending 1:1 time with his children but it seems he never spends it with ours because he feels bad but it's fine the other way around?

DSC are going away with their mum in the summer hols so they are getting a holiday so in my mind, me going without DH was just the same thing. Our DC get a holiday with mum and DSC get a holiday with theirs. It just seems a bit hypocritical of my husband to say he can't go away with our DC because it's mean but then do it with DSC without our DC.

If it was consistent with both I'd not care like if I knew he'd happily go away for a couple of nights / long weekend with ours but I know he wouldn't.

Just seems like anything is only unfair if it involves being unfair to DSC. If it's our DC it doesn't matter.

Yup pretty damp neglectful. There is no reason for him to disregard his child unless his other children are also there. Especially cruel if he is now going off without them but refused to go with his DC.

Do mums do that I wonder?

It’s no wonder so many dads behave like they do when they have an army of women on here encouraging them.

Your suggestion treats all DC equally. Oh wait that's what previous posters don't want!

I think it's fair to say that DC not living with both parents are, in the main disadvantaged when it comes to spending time with their parents. The OPs DC get time away from the blended family situation - the DSC do not.

They are getting 1-2-1 time with their DF - I can't believe this is an issue for people.

OP hasn't said that the DP is neglectful as some has suggested - perhaps she can come back and let us know.

Good idea actually. Something like peppa pig world?

Open your eyes.

he wouldn't go with HIS youngest child becayse his older ones would miss out on going with their Dad, but he's gone with his older ones and doesn't think it's unfair his youngest hasn't gone with HIS Dad.

HE is DAD to ALL if them, not just the eldest ones who are going with their mum, like the youngest is with his mum, but only the eldest get to go with Dad.

They are getting 1-2-1 time with their DF - I can't believe this is an issue for people. that's not the issue. The issue is when is DC's special 1-2-1 big exciting trip with dad?

So as well as living with the younger DC full time he has to take them on their own holiday every single time he takes the older DC (who he sees much less of) on one? Really?

Wow - that is extreme double standards and horribly unfair on your children - they will wonder and ask why Daddy didnt want to go away with them.

I want to take my babies away before they start school too but I know DP wont be pleased about not taking DS. I'm sorry, but its their fault they had children with someone they shouldn't have - the men in these situations need to understand that the SC simply cannot be everywhere, esp if at school.

So as well as living with the younger DC full time he has to take them on their own holiday every single time he takes the older DC (who he sees much less of) on one? Really?
Yes. Hth

There's no emotional neglect here. Some posters just need to get a grip.

Why not? Its what many posters suggest when it's the other way around.

I hope all the people going on about the older children needing much much much more 1-2-1 time with dad as opposed to the youngest, don’t show up on a thread soon about the stepmum and her parents taking SM’s child out for the day while dad is on his day off work and bleat on about how unfair it is that the stepchildren have to stay at home with dad.

It is emotionally neglectful to treat your children differently depending on who their mother is. Do you think it's okay? Perhaps it's not me who needs to "get a grip"

My eyes are completely open.

The OP said she wanted to take the DC away before they start school next year and cannot afford to do this. She also said the DP didn't want to go away without them.

You say he is the DF of all of them. If it's so important the OP should have tried to save to make a holiday for all of them before they start school NEXT year.

Just because the ex takes his DC away on holiday does not mean he shouldn't get time away with his DC.

They are getting 1-2-1 time with their DF - I can't believe this is an issue for people
Not one single poster has said this is an issue.
The issue is he's happy to do that for some of his children but not others.
The issue is that instead of embracing the fact that some of his children get to live with both parents, he's apparently got to go out of his way to make sure they don't get too much benefit from that or it's not fair on the others.

Sorry, you think the op should save to take his children away?

What planet are you on?

He should have just gone on the holiday with his child. And then gone with his other kids.

The issue is not him taking the first kids away, the issue is refusing to go with the second.

No idea. I'd imagine with the DC being so young there will be years of opportunity.

I've had 2 special 1-2-1 trips with my eldest DC and none with my youngest. Same parents. I guess I'm as neglectful as this feckless excuse for a DF!

Well yes, if that a conscious choice to not spend time with your youngest child and not a product of circumstance (ie you can't afford to do that now) then yes, that's very shit.

Why the fuck should OP be paying for the DSC to go on holiday?!

Like I said everyone, mums manage to have children with more than one person and not use their youngest’s living arrangements against them. There are no mental tally charts about how many ice creams her youngest had this week and how many hours she spent in total with her youngest doing everyday things causing her to make it up to her oldest who spent half the week with their father. Just because she put hours in to potty training her 3 year old and made their tea, bathed them and took them to bed, doesn’t give her a free pass to treat her 3 year old like shit the moment her 9 year old comes back. Because normal parents don’t make a big deal about it! It somehow with dads it’s a whole different ball game. Weird.

I've had 2 special 1-2-1 trips with my eldest DC and none with my youngest. Same parents. I guess I'm as neglectful as this feckless excuse for a DF!
You would be if, alongside that, you refused to go away with your spouse and other apparently less worthy children while the older ones were unavailable, yes. I don't care if you've got a pee pee or a hoo ha, the behaviour itself is what it is😊

If it's a choice with no mitigating factors such as no income, a disability, illness etc etc then yes frankly it's not great is it

With my DP we both work out how to do things together. In this instance I would forfeit going away without them for as long as it took my DP to get the funds together (if the OP doesn't want to contribute). No judgement if she doesn't - it's not the way my relationship works.

No judgement my arse!

op probably doesn't want to sacrifice her children's happiness to wait for her dp to save up for years on end. Neither would I tbh!

No mitigating factors - just wanted time with my one DC doing a hobby that we both like.

My other DC was fine. Had a KFC with my DP (not their DF), watched a movie and enjoyed time just the two of them.