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Find my husband's babying of DSC unbearable.
160

BahHumbug2 · 12/06/2022 20:08

Can I have a rant here because I know technically he can do what he likes with his child but God I find it so annoying, it makes me eye roll.

DSS is 13, 14 this year and my husband does absolutely everything for him.

He runs his baths, making sure they are the right temperature ect, he'll make his breakfast, he'll take him to school two mins away, he'll tidy his room for him, never makes him lift a finger to do anything at all in the house and the list goes on.

He's completely babied and I can't stand it.

Tonight DSS sat downstairs on his phone whilst my husband ran his bath for him, staying there until it was not too hot/ not too cold and them called him up like a little child. Let him run his own bath for godsake!

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Deeno123 · 12/06/2022 20:10

YANBU

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JessesMum777888 · 12/06/2022 20:12

I do this all for my kids and step kids …
23, 16, 11 and 10.
they are great kids done them no harm xxx

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KazzaN · 12/06/2022 20:14

BahHumbug2 · 12/06/2022 20:08

Can I have a rant here because I know technically he can do what he likes with his child but God I find it so annoying, it makes me eye roll.

DSS is 13, 14 this year and my husband does absolutely everything for him.

He runs his baths, making sure they are the right temperature ect, he'll make his breakfast, he'll take him to school two mins away, he'll tidy his room for him, never makes him lift a finger to do anything at all in the house and the list goes on.

He's completely babied and I can't stand it.

Tonight DSS sat downstairs on his phone whilst my husband ran his bath for him, staying there until it was not too hot/ not too cold and them called him up like a little child. Let him run his own bath for godsake!

Well you've just described ME and my daughter is 17!!! But I LOVE taking care of her and she loves that I do!
Just ignore it...far better that he's a loving, caring, nurturing parent to his boy than a complete dick!!!
Plus what a lovely role model he is for his son.
They are not kids for long you know!!

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Hardtobelieve123 · 12/06/2022 20:15

Lovely for his son. Look at it like that? What a really loving father

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FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander · 12/06/2022 20:17

People actually run baths and check the temperature for teenagers and adult children? Routinely? When they’re perfectly healthy and capable of it?

Jesus wept.

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Lizzieismagic · 12/06/2022 20:17

Key thing I guess is does dss do chores? Or is he going to enter adulthood expecting staff then?

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resuwen · 12/06/2022 20:17

Sorry, what? You run your adult childrens' baths? I mean, this is nice if they've had a bad day and you want to take care of them once in a while, like you might a partner - but routinely?

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Smartiepants79 · 12/06/2022 20:18

The bigger question is how does his son respond? Is he grateful and loving? Or is he rude and demanding?

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Tothepoint99 · 12/06/2022 20:19

Do you have children together?

Or is it just the 3 of you when DSS is around?

Are you jealous of the attention he's giving him and wish it was on you?

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FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander · 12/06/2022 20:19

Lizzieismagic · 12/06/2022 20:17

Key thing I guess is does dss do chores? Or is he going to enter adulthood expecting staff then?

I think it’s abundantly clear that he doesn’t do chores. His dad even cleans his room for him, so I doubt anyone is issuing him with a vacuum cleaner and telling him the dishes need putting away.

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onepieceoflollipop · 12/06/2022 20:20

I run baths for my similar age child. She can do it easily herself and does so if I am busy or at work.
Bit she appreciates me doing it for her.
same as I appreciate my husband bringing me a coffee - it’s a kind thing to do not a babying thing imo.
I do some of the other things too - again she can and does do them sometimes such as making a packed lunch or making her bed when she has a bath…

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Ididanamechange · 12/06/2022 20:20

My dh was like this with dss and I remember thinking at the start why are you doing this! Hes old enough to do it himself. Then I realised it wasn't about him being old enough it was about my dh wanting to do the little things parents do day in day out that become precious when you're not doing them every day.

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BahHumbug2 · 12/06/2022 20:24

JessesMum777888 · 12/06/2022 20:12

I do this all for my kids and step kids …
23, 16, 11 and 10.
they are great kids done them no harm xxx

You run a 23 year olds bath? 😐

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mrsfoof · 12/06/2022 20:25

FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander · 12/06/2022 20:17

People actually run baths and check the temperature for teenagers and adult children? Routinely? When they’re perfectly healthy and capable of it?

Jesus wept.

I was just thinking the same. My DC are 12 & 10 and have run their own baths for a couple of years now. I must be a terrible mother Confused

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FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander · 12/06/2022 20:26

But it’s not good to do everything for your teenagers like this. Chores and such like are how they learn basic life skills so they can cope in the world.

I am increasingly convinced that the most destructive thing about divorce for children is that the way their parents treat them afterwards. So many ways in which parents putting their own needs to feel positive about the situation over the children’s needs for boundaries and normal expectations and such like.

It’s generally made worse because everyone acts like it’s so nice that a NRP treats the child like visiting royalty.

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ChocolateHippo · 12/06/2022 20:28

If DSS did stuff for you and DH - offered you a cup of tea, asked if you wanted a sandwich, offered to cook once in a while - then I would say YABU. It's nice to do stuff for our family/ children even if not strictly necessary.

But I'm assuming it's all one way and that DSS doesn't get the concept of serving others as well as being served?

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CrapBucket · 12/06/2022 20:30

I clicked expecting to see examples that were how I treat my teens, I know I'm too soft. But fecking hell I feel better now!! Defo no bath-running here. They would think I'd lost the plot!

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tiredanddangerous · 12/06/2022 20:32

I run my 12 year old a bath a couple of times a week so I think that's fair enough - it's a nice thing to do. I haven't made her breakfast since she was 7 or 8 though and I certainly don't tidy her bedroom!

have you spoken to him about it?

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FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander · 12/06/2022 20:32

Hopefully he lets the 13 year old wipe his own arse.

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Georgeskitchen · 12/06/2022 20:34

Christ on a bike with stabilisers
I was working age 13 !!!

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2MinuteRice · 12/06/2022 20:40

Ididanamechange · 12/06/2022 20:20

My dh was like this with dss and I remember thinking at the start why are you doing this! Hes old enough to do it himself. Then I realised it wasn't about him being old enough it was about my dh wanting to do the little things parents do day in day out that become precious when you're not doing them every day.

I'm a parent and a step parent and I think this is the best advise/reasoning I've seen in here for a really long time!

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Basilbrushgotfat · 12/06/2022 20:46

2MinuteRice · 12/06/2022 20:40

I'm a parent and a step parent and I think this is the best advise/reasoning I've seen in here for a really long time!

Me too

I also really like "christ on a bike with stabilisers" 😆

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harriethoyle · 12/06/2022 20:55

Georgeskitchen · 12/06/2022 20:34

Christ on a bike with stabilisers
I was working age 13 !!!

Well, this is my new favourite saying and I am going to work very hard to get it into conversation tomorrow!

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olympicsrock · 12/06/2022 20:57

This is pathetic! DSS needs to learn independence. DH is stunting his growth.

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N0RKS · 12/06/2022 20:59

I run a bath for DH.
its a little tiny thing to show I love him.

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