Find my husband's babying of DSC unbearable.

[BahHumbug2]

Can I have a rant here because I know technically he can do what he likes with his child but God I find it so annoying, it makes me eye roll.

DSS is 13, 14 this year and my husband does absolutely everything for him.

He runs his baths, making sure they are the right temperature ect, he'll make his breakfast, he'll take him to school two mins away, he'll tidy his room for him, never makes him lift a finger to do anything at all in the house and the list goes on.

He's completely babied and I can't stand it.

Tonight DSS sat downstairs on his phone whilst my husband ran his bath for him, staying there until it was not too hot/ not too cold and them called him up like a little child. Let him run his own bath for godsake!

Sweet as that is it doesn't take away from the fact that step children need to be challenged and encouraged to develop age appropriate independence in the same way any other child does. It's an essential part of parenting.

It's not clear from the OP how much of an effect this all has on DSS but it is entirely possible to baby them too much whilst revelling in the "precious" moments.

I run DSD a bath sometimes especially if she’s got period pain. But she’ll clear the table, make cups of tea and pitch in.

There’s a balance to be had.

My husband can be a little like that with my stepson, who is 25! He just loves him so much and cherishes any time he gets with him. Sometimes it bugs me, but it’s nice really, and he spoils me too if I’m honest.

I haven’t run mine baths since they were about 7. They shower now anyway. Never run DH a bath and he hasn’t run me one since I was pregnant years ago. The last time I had a bath was when the shower fitting broke though, can’t stand wallowing! Would much rather have a nice stand up wake me up shower than sit in my own filth with rapidly cooling water 🤣

I think it is nice.

I'm mainly surprised that so many people have baths regularly 😅

It's just an act of care. It's not hurting you. You seem jealous.

i guess the question is, what would happen if dss wanted a bath himself. Would dss voluntarily run a bath himself, or expect his dad to do it? If he would go and have one, then I don’t see a problem, but if he’s unwilling or unable to run a bath, then that’s not so:good. Also, sure at 13, you don’t need your dad to check the bath temperature.

Also, what happens around the house? Is dss waitered on hand and foot, or contributes to household jobs? What does dh say when you question his approach? Is he aware that most teens are pretty self sufficient? Ie. Is the bath running just a habit that dh has just fallen into?

It’s not doing any harm, you are the only person who has a problem with it and it’s nothing to do with you.

Your DH is probably just in the habit of doing these things for his child and it hasn’t occurred to him that he doesn’t need to.

Christ on a bike with stabilisers is now my new favourite saying!

My question to the OP is what does your DSS do for his Dad?

If it's nothing, yep he's babying him & being played if he returns the favour by making a cup of tea or whatever and it's appreciated then it's a nice thing to do.
My money is on my first suggestion

I LOVE a bath. Wish I did it more often.

The OP is pretty clear that her husband does absolutely everything for his teenage son and does not expect or ask him to ‘lift a finger’ around the house.

But apparently it’s really sweet and not a sign of a man who is putting his own feelings (alleviating his guilt and sadness) above his responsibility to teach his son basic life skills - and his son’s need to learn that housework is everyone’s responsibility.

And a SM could only be motivated by jealousy if she has an issue with his.

Actually I do agree with you, we still had house rules, things dh/we expected of dss- keeping his room at least accessable, helping clear the table, putting his things away etc which he was generally good at anyway. I can understand OPs frustrstion if her step son is literally doing nothing for himself

Are you independant OP, or codependant like the majority preaching about being independant on here ?

This doesn’t even make sense.

I think it’s lovely!

I actually don’t run baths for my 14 year old DD anymore but I might start as it’s such a simple thing to do to show someone you care for them.

My ex did this and it’s such a small but meaningful gesture of appreciation.

What is your DSS like?
Is he nice or does he act spoilt?
Are you jealous of the attention he gets?

The product of a broken home, I'm afraid. Dad needs to ensure that his son knows he still loves him. Very sad, but understandable.

I'd keep out of it.

It's one thing to do something like that as a kind gesture when someone has had a rotten day and it's completely different if you do it all the time. In the latter case they just don't learn to grow up and I dread to think what their relationships would be like.

I run my teen DDs baths when they’re having periods (unfortunately they inherited my fuck awful ones) or if they’ve been upset (maybe twice a year this happens; typical friend spats).

They also:

• Keep their own bedrooms neat/tidy/change their bedding
• Can and do cook meals
• Hoover
• Do the dishes

At my ex’s? They do nothing. The way he fawns over them makes me cringe myself inside out, has done for years, but I keep my mouth shut. DDs also find it embarrassing and patronising.

I do the same for my 15 and 19 yo 🤷‍♀️

However they do unpleasant jobs like taking the rubbish down - we are in a flat, carrying all the heavy shopping upstairs. My eldest stays in with my youngest - anxious and hates to be alone - whenever I or she asks him to, without resentment.

I like to do nice things for them and it goes both ways. I am glad I have never moved another adult with them. I'd hate to think they might be sitting there seething with resentment while we do nice things for each other.

The bottom line is that parents do lots of things for their children that other people looking in from outside may think are OTT.

I'd happily make DS18 breakfast and I know how my DD10 likes certain things. I also know that I'd run both of them a bath partly so I know they've had one.

As a step parent you're joining an already formed family and you just have to accept that things are done differently to how you might do them.

Not everyone has a shower.

Chores and such like are how they learn basic life skills so they can cope in the world

Do they? I never did them, yet l can iron, cook, clean, do washing, decorate, fill dishwasher.

None if our 4 dc did them. The 3 who are adults can do pretty much anything.

😂

yeah this is way OTT. reminds me of my ex and his DD. He did all of these things and more. She turned out to be a rude, selfish, inconsiderate, shit stirring brat 😂. Another of the many reasons why we are no longer together

I think I might have actually made it up!! 🤣🤣 ( the stabilisers bit)