Find my husband's babying of DSC unbearable.

[BahHumbug2]

Can I have a rant here because I know technically he can do what he likes with his child but God I find it so annoying, it makes me eye roll.

DSS is 13, 14 this year and my husband does absolutely everything for him.

He runs his baths, making sure they are the right temperature ect, he'll make his breakfast, he'll take him to school two mins away, he'll tidy his room for him, never makes him lift a finger to do anything at all in the house and the list goes on.

He's completely babied and I can't stand it.

Tonight DSS sat downstairs on his phone whilst my husband ran his bath for him, staying there until it was not too hot/ not too cold and them called him up like a little child. Let him run his own bath for godsake!

[FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander]

@GlitteryGreen 😱

he puts toothpaste on their brushes for them. How infantilising.

[Dancingwithhyenas]

I mean to be fair my husband does this for me, as a loving gesture. I sort of see your point but only if he isn’t equally loving to you!

[Herejustforthisone]

Basically everything @FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander has said. They’re very, very astute.

[BahHumbug2]

@Dancingwithhyenas

I mean to be fair my husband does this for me, as a loving gesture. I sort of see your point but only if he isn’t equally loving to you!

There's absolutely zero use comparing it to spouses though. It's not the same relationship. I assume you don't rely on your husband to teach you independence and everything else parents should be teaching their children? And I also assume you'd still go and wash yourself if your husband didn't run you a bath for whatever reason? You don't literally rely/wait for him to do it or you won't wash/eat/cook/go to work?

It's so different.

[BahHumbug2]

Eh? 🤣

[WeAreTheHeroes]

@FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander

People actually run baths and check the temperature for teenagers and adult children? Routinely? When they’re perfectly healthy and capable of it?

Jesus wept.

Exactly what I thought.

And we wonder why some young people seem so entitled/are incapable of doing things independently.

[P00rKids]

Maybe I thought u were someone else. Maybe you’re not. If not, then u won’t mind me saying that the answer is yes. A resounding absolute (are u stupid) yes. Maybe you’re not the person I think u are. In that case, no worries there

[BahHumbug2]

@P00rKids

Maybe I thought u were someone else. Maybe you’re not. If not, then u won’t mind me saying that the answer is yes. A resounding absolute (are u stupid) yes. Maybe you’re not the person I think u are. In that case, no worries there

What? 🤣 You sound very angry at someone, maybe speak to them IRL instead of bringing it onto a random thread?

[FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander]

@P00rKids

Maybe I thought u were someone else. Maybe you’re not. If not, then u won’t mind me saying that the answer is yes. A resounding absolute (are u stupid) yes. Maybe you’re not the person I think u are. In that case, no worries there

I am now totally intrigued as to the context of these messages.

[LadyCluck]

@P00rKids

Maybe I thought u were someone else. Maybe you’re not. If not, then u won’t mind me saying that the answer is yes. A resounding absolute (are u stupid) yes. Maybe you’re not the person I think u are. In that case, no worries there

Eh? 😐

[BahHumbug2]

@FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander

I am now totally intrigued as to the context of these messages.

Me too!! What is yes?!

[FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander]

I’m hoping the question was ‘do we have any chips in the freezer?’ or similar.

[BahHumbug2]

@FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander

I’m hoping the question was ‘do we have any chips in the freezer?’ or similar.

🤣🤣🤣 are you stupid?! Yes!

[Herejustforthisone]

@P00rKids I have to know, who the fuck are you talking to, and what the fuck are you talking about?!?!

[ErniesGhostlyGoldTops]

Infantilisation of a child is very destructive long term. It speaks volumes about the infantiliser too. My DBro did it with both his kids and it ended in utter and complete disaster.

[GlitteryGreen]

@FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander

@GlitteryGreen 😱

he puts toothpaste on their brushes for them. How infantilising.

Yeah I know, it's bizarre.

I feel like it's because he only has them EOW and school holidays, he sort of forgets how old they actually are now? Like some things just became routine when he first started having them on his own, and even though that was several years ago it has just never occurred to him that he probably doesn't need to do it now.

[aSofaNearYou]

I feel like it's because he only has them EOW and school holidays, he sort of forgets how old they actually are now? Like some things just became routine when he first started having them on his own, and even though that was several years ago it has just never occurred to him that he probably doesn't need to do it now

Totally get this. My DSS is 9 and my DPs family are forever making comments about how shocked they are thet he's that age already. I'm always silently thinking yeah, it really shows, because it often seems like I'm the only one that doesn't see him as about 5 and treat him as such. My DP can be guilty of it too at times. When you point out that next year he will be 10 and soon it will be secondary school, it shouldn't feel like a total surprise.

It really holds kids back developmentally to treat them that way.

[BlueAce73]

I don’t have SC but I have children, 15, 18 & 21 & I would never & have never run a bath for any of them past the age of 9 or 10 unless they ask me to as a favour but certainly not routinely. My 15 yo does all her own ironing, changes her own bed, vacuums her room etc. I think it’s weird tbh

[Tiani4]

@LadyCluck

YANBU OP

My other half does this. It’s known as “Operation Red Carpet” in our house when the SC arrive. He falls over himself to do everything for them - even the most basic of things. In short, SC are 16 and 18 and can do very little for themselves. The 18 year old is hopefully off to Uni in September - that will be a HUGE shock for her as she’ll actually have to do things for herself. 😱

Your DH is doing his kid no favours babying him so much.

Well explained

Operation Red Carpet!!!

[GlitteryGreen]

@aSofaNearYou Yes definitely similar here.

My DP has spent YEARS defending age-inappropriate/poor behaviour from SD, as "she's only 5...she's only 6....she's only 7...."

Now she is 8 and a half and he's suddenly realised this year that actually she's not a little toddler anymore and some of the things she was doing now stand out as ridiculous from a child of her age. Luckily he has taken steps to change some of them - eg tears at bedtime, having meltdowns if her grandparents need to put her to bed once in a while - but other things still seem to stick.

[BigSandyBalls2015]

Interesting how you say that he has to come to yours as his mum works .... surely at 14 he could be home alone for a while?!

[BaaCake]

This thread is confusing but yes do not be involved with operation red carpet!

[washingwakeup]

@BigSandyBalls2015

Interesting how you say that he has to come to yours as his mum works .... surely at 14 he could be home alone for a while?!

Shifts?

No reason he shouldn't be at dads 50% anyway, if that's what him and his dad want, whether mum works or not.

[Flamingle18]

This sounds like my boyfriend with his ds who is 18!! He runs him a bath, tidies the bathroom after him (even pulls the plug out) changes his bedding, washes and irons his clothes, picks up rubbish after him etc. If he asks ds to do anything we don't see him for weeks. It used to really bother me and cause rows as bf used to be on my ds9 case if he forgot to do the slightest thing even though generally he could not be more helpful! I put a stop to him pulling up one and not the other but now I tend to ignore the fact his ds does nothing and has little respect. My life has become easier since ignoring it. I know it must be harder when they are with you more though.