Support cafe for step parents

[candlesandpitchforks]

Starting a new one as other seems to have dropped into oblivion.

How we all doing ? Some of you might recognise me as the poster who had v traumatic pregnancy and I can confirm my baby boy arrived and is currently doing well ! Thank god it was bit touch and go but hurrah for NHS.

Also just me or has there been some really bonkers comments on this board of late ?

I'm so glad to hear your baby boy is doing well, I thought of you often!

I agree things have been really hostile on here lately, it had seemed quiet for a while but not anymore.

A lot of zombie threads being picked up as well, it's like people are looking for step parenting threads to start drama on.

Congratulations on your baby boy!

Congratulations @candlesandpitchforks hope you and baba are doing really well
I've been off here for weeks and came on this morning to see the hostile lunacy has increased manyfold in my opinion! It's like a wolf pack all out braying for blood!

There also doesn't seem to be many new threads which would leave me thinking people are getting wary of posting.

@aSofaNearYou I noticed that actually - went deadly quite and I thought maybe there had been a really openly hostile attack on thread while I was off having baby and now people were worried to post. The zombie threads seem to being bumped and naturally ones that are controversial (is there any other type on this board 🙄)

@KylieKoKo thanks lovely he's gorgeous but im biased and really good baby for all the drama he caused v chilled lol 😂

@Magda72 honestly though it's new level. Leave your baby to cry so you can spend time with your DSD or your a bad mum and stop bf. It's bloody bonkers.

Actually bonkers. What's happened to people ?

How we will doing ? We have planned a holiday abroad with the teen, toddler and newborn and I think I must have been on crack to organise something like this... it's going to be a challenge.

Congratulations @candlesandpitchforks . I don’t really post but follow for advice and did follow a few of your threads, so pleased to hear your good news.

I’m couldn’t start a thread, I’d find the negative comments too much... some at the moment are so irrational...

I have also noticed this.

I think some people are triggered by the mere presence of step parents as it reminds them that their relationship could end and they take it out on step mothers who post here by kicking them when they are down.

@User39498 you can always post on here if ever in need. I'm with you though there's usual behaviour that goes down and there's what's going down at the moment 😵‍💫 is it the weather or something in the air but even I'm shocked by the evil of vile on here at mo

I don't know what they do with support threads whether MN kindly stop it coming up in active or just the title of the support cafes are usually so dull the regular nasty posters avoid posting.

That or the fact regular lovely posters ^^ like the ones above manage to moderate the random incoming vileness with more ease on these posts

Anyway all I can say is SM is genuinely bloody hard and I am feeling back on fighting form enough to at least tackle any of the usual MN bingo on here.

Your not alone even though some MN posters would have you believe everyone should be entitled for a place to vent/gain support.

On side note anyone dealt with sibling jealousy and a newborn ? Got issues both with my DD and DSD which I realise isn't a step issue per say but any tips in either arena welcome 😵‍💫

@KylieKoKo I think your spot on with that, usually said by someone who says I wouldn't ever let my DC in blended family. Sometimes you don't have a choice - I didn't with my DD although that said I'm very lucky to have a reasonable ex and my DD SM is just a sweetie. Then again I wouldn't ever think I'm entitled to free childcare via SM (another bonkers thing I have read on here of late)

Thanks @candlesandpitchforks . The problem is when you’re in a disfunctional step mother role, like I was, for along time I was genuinely confused as to whether or not I should be doing free childcare, and at the time it was hard to see how ridiculous some of the negative comments are...

@User39498 the problem is I think is there's no rule book. Nuclear families kinda have years and years worth of history, blended families have always been around and less common or getting very common now.

It's always hard to see the wood from the trees especially since being a SP you are often the convenient scapegoat for any issue. This board shows this time and time again and it's so frustrating.

Hello, I haven't posted but I've been lurking away, I can confirm that I've been put off posting by the reaction likely to get... Also that the info of being a SM would "follow me", and people would then be unpleasant to me on anything, unrelated, I might post!

I do wonder about the increase in viciousness...is it as more and more relationships - with kids - do break down, and Stepparenting becomes more widespread. And this is the knee jerk reaction to that.

@Bonheurdupasse I think it depends on how thick skinned you are because if you do want advice and can ignore all the poison and absorb the advice you can always do one random post and name change I know plenty of people do that.

I have to say there's a certain level of brazenness at the moment people searching for historical posts. People used to at least be a bit abashed at being called out for doing it but now it seems really common 😵‍💫 it's sad actually because blended families are hard enough without removing peoples route for decent advice by scaring people off !

@Bonheurdupasse that concerns me too! I’ve only posted a few times and if it’s on general parenting issues etc I just leave out that I’m actually the SM 😁. Just don’t think it’s worth the inevitable negativity & I have the kids full time anyway so on most topics I don’t think it makes any difference.

Oh and congratulations @candlesandpitchforks and thanks for starting the new thread.

It is so hard also as there's virtually noone one can talk to in real life.
Fortuituously (sp!) after some years I managed to get talking to my sister in law (ish, am not married):

• + : someone to talk to, who understands
• - : she's in very much the same shitty situation, only a few years further on (and one less step child)
• - I now know (rather than just suspect), by how they've treated her, that I could never confide in the in-laws

Argh.

Hi Candles 👋 pleased to read your wee baby is hear safe and sound, I remember your old threads very well and what a shithead your DSDs mother was about it all.
I Flounced before Christmas, got a tonne of judgemental Not What I Fucking Asked BS on another board and just snapped.
Somehow got sucked back in a few weeks ago (hence the 1 in my username) and nothing has changed.
People who either can't read properly or have no sense of balance or even experience of a situation wading in to give posters a good kicking. I wonder whether they are so stupid and vicious in real life or if they have decided this will be their "safe space" to let their inner arseholes run free.

@Youseethethingis1 there's seems to be a lot of that going about at the moment. It's incredibly frustrating!

Yes she was a bit tbh but for the sake of my sanity I have decided to forgive and always remember. That said I did actually nearly die giving birth to my son (more unexpected complications during birth) but for me this time, due to DSD fondness for me she layed off a bit while I recovered and he recovered . Thank god !

He will need a op when he's one and unfortunately really really prone to illnesses (hello new found realm of anxiety) but I consider us both v luck

@Bonheurdupasse it's like being part of a club isn't it. It's amazing how people automatically make assumptions based on being a step parent @SundaysinKernow I think that's a Brillant idea ! God knows that must help wade through the usual bull.

Nearly started a thread saying what's the most bonkers thing you have heard on this board then though ah no your asking for trouble lol 😂 and I simply don't have the energy rn !

I'm so pleased to hear your good news @candlesandpitchforks! Huge congratulations 😁

I'm afraid it's so vile on here at times I really hold off posting or starting threads. It's the usual first wives club members but it's just so tedious. There was one comment recently berating the op for LAT with her DH, calling it dysfunctional and saying her return home was "running away" 🙄 it bore no resemblance to the actual situation described. I reported it to mumsnet and they did fuck all. I just gave up after that...

I’m so glad the baby arrived safely. Is everything going well bar the sibling jealousy?

i agree that the board seems especially vitriolic these days. So much of it is emotional manipulation: oh your poor SC; you’ll emotionally damage them. There’s always been that but it feels especially rife.

I’m on my way out of the stepparenting game officially. I won’t miss being formally
tied to. any of my in laws. Not one of them. My STBEH is a complete bastard though. Just an incredible shit.

@harriethoyle don't honestly I was always one to stick my nose firmly where comments were getting out of hand but it's reached new and awful heights. I suspect people have a lot of anger at the world this moment so are coming here to realise some tension tbh. The report function seems to be limited in this board tbh. They have let some really bad comments stand tbh always have done. I usually just will not let someone get away with it. I probably need ti chill out a bit tbh

@SoggyPaper there have been some toe curling cruel comments of late just like the one you described tbh. Bar bit of sibling jealousy which I think it's to be expected, all is well. Various ins and out and stays in hospital but on the whole it could have been so much worse.

Also I'm on a thread, and I'm sure a poster suggested that a DC birthday party had to be held at the ex's house with DSC like this was the norm. Please tell me this isn't the norm, I know my DC and DSC are half siblings but honestly if this is a hing I just can't 😵‍💫😵‍💫

That is definitely not the norm anywhere but in bizarre MNer’s imaginations. The ideas about what any children has SM has with her partner on here are just bizarre. It’s like they should be almost punished for even existing and eternally grateful to always come last because they get to live with their father.

Madness.

Glad baby is here safely. I've NC'd as posted some outing stuff but been around a bit. X

Am definitely finding some of the comments a bit odd - almost like people are seeking out SP's to have a go at sometimes!

Oh and for me the sibling jealousy simmered down considerably once we made sure DH did something with the DSC on their own. Not the whole time they are there obviously but like one day he takes them out for coffee or something and has a catch up away from the house.