I think trying to be charitable in your interpretation is probably a good approach.
A big issue with my husband is his inability to assume good faith in anything. All actions must be interpreted through a lens of bad faith. You couldn’t just be busy and forgot something; you set out to not do it.
Of course, when I look at the things his ex did (does!) and the incredibly negative effects on my life it became increasingly hard to be charitable in interpretation. There was just too much evidence of a fundamental issue with the woman’s personal values that will never be compatible with mine. The issue manifested in a million small ways, each of which might seem petty on its own, but which cumulatively formed big problems. And also in some spectacular moments where it was just clear that the woman would always cause real issues, and is bringing her kids up with values that anathemic to me and which I cannot live with.
That all might have been OK if I had a supportive husband who could help to navigate the differences. But no. It turns out that he’s pretty dreadful and, even though he will never admit it, I think shares some of the values I think are problematic. And has his own awful values. Who describes their child as a fundamentally bad kid? Partly it’s the malign influence of his mother who is obsessed with ‘bad genes’ as the reason people are awful (including her own daughter!). But it’s also just him and his worldview.
On top of that, he’s lazy and keen to abdicate responsibility whenever possible. He recognises issues in the SC’s mother’s parenting as dreadful but just holds his hands up and says ‘I can’t do anything; I’ve got limited influence’. He expected me to do everything - including any of the thinking or problem solving required to try to mitigate the problem. ‘You’re the one with the problem; you need to help me solve it’ - which means ‘you figure it out and I’ve already pre-scapegoated you so I can complain you’re horrible’. He let me down in really profound ways.
Apparently I should have recognised all this in advance though. I knew what I was getting in to. And I shouldn’t complain because I chose a man with ‘existing’ children (because mine are not existing). 🙄
Back to the point though… I think if you are in a place where it is possible to cling to a charitable interpretation, that is a very good thing. It probably means the circumstances are good enough. You still have the capacity to practice empathy in the context; it hasn’t been so worn out that it’s decided to fuck off on a gap year in SE Asia instead!