Birthday Party on DC's actual birthday- such a fuss!

[Pandarinio]

My DC's birthday falls on a day the DSC are not with us. I want to have a party on their actual birthday. DH says the DSC will be sad to miss it again (they missed it last year) as they won't be with us until the week after. I don't think they'll care, in fact they seemed put out that DC had a banner and stuff up when they came round last year as DH never bothers for them. Is it unfair of me to not wait a week and have a party when they can join in? We're not talking anything massive party wise just a few party food bits and a cake and some family round.

Can he not just ask for the DSC to come on that day?

Why not arrange the party and send them an invite. Surely mum can drop them round for a few hours if they want to come. Jist as they would be invited to any friends or family birthday. No need to change the day.

No just do it when it suits you. You can always do a special tea with cake when they are there the next week if you want.

And I would try and make sure someone bothers for them when it's their birthday too!

Why can't they still come to the party for couple hours?

I agree to do it on the day and invite them. Can their dad pick them up and drop them back home for the party?

They live a fair distance away. DH would have to facilitate and miss around 5 hours of the day to do so.

You'd think it would be as simple as swapping the contact time.. but no. Mum always refuses swaps unless it suits her. Worth him asking though I guess.

Just have the party on the birthday.. Do you cancel Christmas if it isn't dsc day?

I'd send an invite but also suggest a second birthday tea/treat the next time they're with you as an alternative.

Invite them and make it clear the invite is to come the night before and then leave the morning after. If their mum says no, thats on her

They don't need to swap. He can just have an extra day.

Ah ok makes sense now with them living far away.
Invite them, let them know they can stay the night before.
If not, do a birthday tea when you have them.

They live a 5 hour round trip away?

Why should your child or you miss out? This sounds like a something that’s bothering him not anyone else so he needs to find a way to deal with his feelings that means no one misses out.

Do your DSC not get to do nice things on their actual birthdays because your DC isn’t there? I doubt it.

I would do it on the day but invite them. Maybe invite them for a sleepover the night before so it seems more party related than "swapping weekends". If they can't come they can't come, I wouldn't delay your DCs birthday.

When you say they get put out cos your DH never bothers for them, does he not bother because they say they dont want a fuss?

Yes as they stop for food and a wee break so it's probably about 4.5-5 depending on traffic. And no he didn't move. And no we can't move nearer as they live almost in the middle of nowhere so no job opportunities for DH.

No need to "stop for food" on the way to a party, surely? You're majorly exaggerating the journey time!

Do you know OP and her step children?

It takes my OH 2.5 hours to get to work, so 5 hours round trip for commuting each day

He lives 67 miles from his place of work

Thats the nature of traffic. Train is even longer due to changes and prohibitively expensive.

@Johnnysgirl sorry, but how on earth would you know that? I'm sure the OP is better placed to know how long the travel takes!

I don't, no. But she clarified that the 5 hours included stopping to eat en route.

Does your husband not think it's sadder that he doesn't bother doing anything special for their birthday? That would probably mean a damn site more to them.

I think I would remove the party decorations before their visit though. Children can't be expected to understand that it's you doing something for your child, and their dad isn't contributing.

He normally picks them up after school and they stop to eat on the way home otherwise they get hungry and they normally need a wee anyway. I am not exaggerating the journey time.

Why on earth would OP be exaggerating the journey time, but more to the point what on earth goes through another posters mind that the OP would?

I find this quite bizarre.

So what, and a wee no doubt for kids that young. A 10-15 min stop probably.