Birthday Party on DC's actual birthday- such a fuss!

[Pandarinio]

My DC's birthday falls on a day the DSC are not with us. I want to have a party on their actual birthday. DH says the DSC will be sad to miss it again (they missed it last year) as they won't be with us until the week after. I don't think they'll care, in fact they seemed put out that DC had a banner and stuff up when they came round last year as DH never bothers for them. Is it unfair of me to not wait a week and have a party when they can join in? We're not talking anything massive party wise just a few party food bits and a cake and some family round.

Yes I did make that point. Told him he knows exactly where the box is kept and he is welcome to use the banner I sorted for DC. I could take it down but I like to keep birthday stuff up for a week, it's a sort of tradition. After that cards etc come down. Its not elaborate decoration. Just a banner and some balloons. I don't feel I should have to hide that DC had a birthday just because DH is too lazy to hang up a banner for his kids.

Also the route is a route used by many many holiday makers at this time of year.

And hopefully not too outing, involves a rural area so often tractors and cows to negotiate.

How old is your child going to be (I assume they are your husband’s child too?) and how old are your step children? If they are all a similar age then it might be nice to have the party the weekend after so they can come too as they would probably genuinely enjoy it and it’s not their fault their mum refuses to change contact arrangements. You could still do something nice on the actual birthday day?

If they are quite a lot older and you don’t think they’d actually be that fussed either way (and not just because of the banner!) then I’d just have it on your child’s actual birthday.

It's just not that simple for most people. My DSC's mother would rather poke hot needles in her eyeballs than facilitate her children coming to a party for mine!

I don't go out of my way to coordinate things but generally, we'd organise a birthday meal or party when everyone was here - so delaying it for a day or two.

It doesnt matter OP, no one else, on a thread about party invites has got hung up about a journey time.

Really bizarre

Thank you. It did seem a bit odd.

Why would she be exaggerating the journey time? Even if my kids weren't hungry, they'd appreciate a stop for something to drink or a wee.

Inviting the SC to a situation that their dad doesn't bother with (banners etc) is insensitive for sibling jealousy reasons and it's probably kinder not to mention it.

Also weird to assign 10-15 minutes to a child for a wee. What do you want him to do stand their with a stop watch and tell them to hurry up? Speed on the motorway if its clear?

What sort of party is it?

If it’s a family thing where all the childrens grandparents, aunts uncles and cousins will be there, then your DH is right to make sure his children aren’t excluded somehow. Either the date needs to be arranged to fit or he needs to pick up his children and do extra travelling or he needs to swop his weekends.

If it’s a party mainly for your ds’s friends, then the older children aren’t really missing out on something major and you can comfortably keep the party on the date you want and let your DH do what he wants to fix his own problem.

What's the age gap between the sc and your child?

Teenagers aren't going to be sad that they missed out on a 5 year old's party where as a 7 year old might be miffed to miss out because cake etc

It's a small family thing, mostly my family but a couple of his. There's an 8+ year age gap between them

I don’t think it’s very fair on your DC to have to wait to celebrate their special day. I’d have another, smaller celebration when the SDC are there as it’s nice to include them.

Ok this sounds good yes, could just get a takeaway or something a bit special.

Is your dc old enough to know when their birthday is?

If they do then it's cruel to make them wait.

Probably not but tough. I'm not moving it. DC isn't the Queen. I'll celebrate their actual birthday on the day I gave birth to them if that's OK.

You haven't specified but it looks as if DH is your DC's father (given that his family are attending). I think he should get a vote on when his child's birthday party is held, and personally I do think that a small family birthday party should include the birthday child's siblings.

Just another case of a lazy dad pushing everything onto a step mum. You have generic birthday decorations that he could put up for his own dc.

I can see why his children were upset last year, but that's 100% on him, not you.

8+ years?

make sure they know they’re welcome if they want to come and get on with having the party on his actual birthday. Ffs! A 12 year old isn’t going to be fussed s out a 4 year olds party, or a 14 yo about a 6 - if they feel their own birthdays aren’t recognised that’s up to their dad to sort!

He is yes. I would partly agree with you if he was the one bothering to organise it. If not he can't dictate to me when I get all the food and stuff ready.

And like it or not a half sibling relationship where they see each other every two weeks and a bit more in the holidays is unlikely to ever be as close as a full sibling relationship or one where they grow up together all the time, especially with an age gap that means the eldest would rather be watching tiktok all day and chatting to their mates.

Not with that attitude they won't.

What do you mean not with that attitude? I'm not going to force my DSC to interact with DC if they don't want to. One of them is keener than the other who couldn't be less bothered about them.

Such a party atmosphere 🎈🎊🎉
😂