Birthday Party on DC's actual birthday- such a fuss!

[Pandarinio]

My DC's birthday falls on a day the DSC are not with us. I want to have a party on their actual birthday. DH says the DSC will be sad to miss it again (they missed it last year) as they won't be with us until the week after. I don't think they'll care, in fact they seemed put out that DC had a banner and stuff up when they came round last year as DH never bothers for them. Is it unfair of me to not wait a week and have a party when they can join in? We're not talking anything massive party wise just a few party food bits and a cake and some family round.

Don't know what you're on about. The party isn't today is it..

I'd have a small party on my DCs actual Birthday and the week after when they arrive do a small buffet and cupcakes then too.

Surely it won't do sibling relationships much good when dc cotton on they aren't allowed a day to be about them because of dsc...

And like it or not a half sibling relationship where they see each other every two weeks and a bit more in the holidays is unlikely to ever be as close as a full sibling relationship or one where they grow up together all the time

Like it or not, OP, but you're absolutely wrong here.

Do you know my family? Do you know how close the DSC are to each other and how they interact/do not interact with my DC? No..you do not.

@Pandarinio do you know that in 15-20 years time you have absolutely no idea how adult siblings will interact? No you do not.

You're clearly happy to exclude your child's siblings, which is sad.
It's fine if it's not possible for them to be there but every time someone makes a suggestion to include them you give a reason why it can't possibly happen, when realistically it's completely plausible and you just don't want to have to be put out in any way.

What are you on about. I've already said the mini celebration when they are here sounds good a takeaway or dad can make another buffet.

OP, you are NBU. Your DC should be able to celebrate on their own birthday, and the others should be invited. If they can't make it due to logistics then so be it. Why on earth should your child have to miss out in order to keep others happy. As they get older they will want to invite school friends etc and you will do things on weekends or whatever, and it will be easier to factor it around the DSS's weekends then.

DD has never been invited to her half-siblings birthday, even when they lived just 30 minutes away (now 3 hours).

You're clearly happy to exclude your child's siblings, which is sad. I'm not happy I am just accepting of the realities of life with stepchildren. My DC won't ever get invited to their parties they have with their mum, she is probably actually happy to deliberately exclude them. This isn't deliberate its just the quirk of the calendar and the EOW arrangement.

I don't know, my DH is definitely closer to his maternal half siblings who he grew up with than he is to his paternal half siblings who he saw during school holidays. DNA crossover alone doesn't make a relationship.
He does consider them all his brothers though and would help any of them out if they needed it (he's the eldest of them all).
Not sure it's that controversial to say the above is a fairly likely scenario.

I do agree with you about just having the party on their actual birthday now you’ve said about the big age gap, etc. but looking at this response I’m not really sure why you made the thread in the first place?

Ah yes I guess growing up with them etc makes a huge difference. In our particular scenario though I just can't see the DSC being as close to DC as they are with each other.

Because DH says its unfair and is making a fuss but hasn't decided to organise anything himself and its doing my head in.

>>looking at this response I’m not really sure why you made the thread in the first place?

I wonder that about a lot of posts here. Surely people realise that the point of the forum is to get comments? And that
not everyone will agree with you? It seems odd to post then say “tough”. You could
collect the suggestions for anything that’s helpful, then just go your merry way.

FGS stop with the quote in quotes!!! It’s nuts. Wish MN had never introduced this bollocks.

OP, do what’s best for your DC. Your H knew what he’d signed up for when he married someone having already had DC in a previous marriage. This is his tightrope to walk to not yours. Maybe he should try making a bloody effort for his own kids’ birthdays and then they wouldn’t be so jealous.

I mean for the love of god is nothing allowed to be special just to DC without someone subtly or otherwise implying unless the special event is scheduled around DSC needs/wants that the SP hates the DSC. Even if it takes away from the DC.

Have the party on DC birthday, the age gap makes this a non issue, but invite them .

If DH and mum are going to make the situation so hideous it has to be on exact contact day and mum won't move to the actual birthday, they are the ones not enabling a good relationship with the kids and depriving the DSC of attending a party not you.

I will tell your DH to pick the fight with his ex not you and proceed as normal.

I don't believe she is.

My two eldest have it all, full sibling, half siblings from both me and their dad and step-siblings who live with them. They're 100% closer to those they live despite the age gaps being bigger than they are to their paternal half-siblings. The relationship is completely different, more like cousins, despite the efforts of myself and the half-sibs mum to meet up regularly. The two half-sibs are also far closer to each other. There's a third half-sib, much older with children of their own and the four younger kids all see her a few times a year, and despite me still having her once a week long after her dad and I split the relationship changed as life did.

@RocketsMagnificent7 I have siblings all over the place and am closest to one of those I didn't live with at all growing up.

Some I lived with for a few years, others I lived with for my whole childhood.

I like the quote in quotes. It makes it much easier to follow a conversation and work out who one is replying to.

So heres another one for you

Given its a family get together, then presume your dc is quite young still. Normally id say go for it- im in the situation that dc2 couldn't join in with dc1s last birthday party because it was a Go Ape one and dc2 was too short, just had to realise sometimes you can't do things together. However as irs a family do rather than a child focused party, then it might be better to do it when the dsc can attend and spend some time with their dads family. You could do something for dc on their birthday like a day trip out that would be too young for the dsc.

However, this would be dependent on DH pulling his weight to organise and host the party. He doesn't get to miss out the prep and cleaning etc because he's got the dsc. He doesn't get to stand with a drink chatting to the guests while you run around sorting food and drinks for everyone and stopping little ones getting up to mischief.

Having read your updates, go ahead with party on the actual day.

Does your h ensure that your son attends his half siblings' celebrations on the day or does your son see them when he sees them? Bet it's the latter 😉

You’re right they won’t want to come, they’ll feel put out if they do, siblings struggle with everyone’s attention being on the other one, let alone step siblings. Trying to idealise blended family life like this is a hiding to nothing, I learnt the hard way. I agree with you OP go ahead!

That was my other worry too. If it's mostly my family they are going to fuss over DC so it almost makes it better to have it seperate.

Don't rule out that they might be really, really close when they all get older, depending on their personalities. I wasn't all that close to my sibling growing up, for lots of reasons, but we get on like a house on fire now, just because our personalities gel so well.

I'd keep an eye to the future regarding your relationship with your DC's siblings to be honest.

Controversial maybe, but I feel like this is not your problem. You can't move your child's birthday, so if your H wants his kids to be included then he has to find a way round it. Why should it be taking up your brain space? It doesn't really sound like his kids are that arsed anyway, and as for them getting upset over a banner, that's a new level of ridiculousness that you don't have to indulge.