Birthday Party on DC's actual birthday- such a fuss!

[Pandarinio]

My DC's birthday falls on a day the DSC are not with us. I want to have a party on their actual birthday. DH says the DSC will be sad to miss it again (they missed it last year) as they won't be with us until the week after. I don't think they'll care, in fact they seemed put out that DC had a banner and stuff up when they came round last year as DH never bothers for them. Is it unfair of me to not wait a week and have a party when they can join in? We're not talking anything massive party wise just a few party food bits and a cake and some family round.

*Parents with older children with an ex, have more children knowing that their older children won’t always be there. They know exactly what the dynamics will be. That is never their younger children’s fault and they shouldn’t have to compromise their childhoods.

If the mum won’t swap weekends, then the birthday child should still get to have their party. That’s got nothing to do with being royalty or parents being entitled etc… It’s also got nothing to do with planning it so that they stepchild can’t be there.*

So well said.

People should know what they are doing when they choose to have two sets of children. I'm sure most parents would WANT all of their children to be there (as beachcity says) for pretty much everything, but sadly that is not your reality when you split with some of your kid's other parent and therefore live with them part time. They will not always be there. You cannot refuse to do anything without them if you make the decision to have more children.

There might be some things that you consider non negotiable "whole family" things like Christmas' or holidays, but one child's birthday is not that. It isn't about all the kids, it's about one of them. There is no particularly reason to feel that all your kids need to be there, and in some cases it may not be possible.

I really struggle that with the thought people are struggling to teach their kids that sometimes life happens, it's not a big deal if you miss x birthday but don't worry y is happening and you will have lots of fun.

And literally ask another child to not celebrate their birthdays on their actual birthday. I wouldn't ask my step child to do that, so why would it be ok for me to do it to my DC.

It's ok if people would say I would move heaven and earth so I have all kids around me and move Dc birthday to enable that. I just don't think that should me a normal practice for any child DSC or DC alike and it's not a moral failing if you don't.

I really don't like the term "crowned prince" either tbh it wouldn't be appropriate to use that term for DSC can you imagine the outrage if someone did that ? Same as I don't think calling DSC "skids" is pleasant either. These are children at end of the day.

Who is reporting the DSC's disappointment? It seems implausible to me that older children would really be upset to miss a younger child's birthday.

It's much more likely that the frame is coming from the father.

Fat, far better to give out the breezy, oh dear, can't be helped. We will keep the banner up til you are next here so you can see it. And maybe have a small cake or some tangible evidence of birthday celebrations when they are next here.

Away you go with your hyperbole. Crown Prince isn't vile. It's sarcastic certainly but not vile.

@beachcitygirl
Still sneering sarcasm at a young child who doesn't deserve it in the slightest. Not exactly a glowing defense of yourself and your shitty attitude.

@Youseethethingis1 but it's not "at" the child. It's here on this forum. He's a baby he doesn't know it's his birthday. It's for Her! And that's fine - but admit it & then you see why he's angry. Op wants a party for her & his & her family without an integral part of his family. That's just silly. So yes treating new baby like crown Prince is ridiculous. He doesn't even know it's his birthday.
Next year or after he will. & then foot can be put down.
Feet can only be put down so often.

There are enough first wives club on here who would expect second wives & kids to move out of bedrooms & sit in the back of cars & basically not even order a takeaway if the dsc are not present.

I'm a step mum to adult step kids & grand kids & it's hard. So so hard.

Bloody hard on here for step mums and on almost every single occasion made worse by a dh being Disney dad ineffective arse on most occasions & not supporting 2nd wife.

There's situations on here where stepmum is expected to move out of her bedroom, her kids share while bedrooms lie empty most of a week for dsc to arrive every other weekend & even one case where a stepmum was expected to sit in the back of a car while dsd princess sat up front.

But new step mums putting foot down for no reason are making a rod for their own back .

It's a small child who doesn't know it's their birthday. It CAN be helped & the OP will save herself a TONNE of grief by fighting only the fights that matter. Delaying the (not such a big deal anyway in her words) party for a week will go a long long way with dsc & her dh.

If op starts digging feet in now, it will be hell.

Didn't even read that rant, I'm so bored of your shit.
Mother wants to celebrate child's birthday on child's birthday.
Takes a certain kind of person to get their knickers in a knot over it.

So yes treating new baby like crown Prince is ridiculous. He doesn't even know it's his birthday.

Next year or after he will. & then foot can be put down.

Omfg. She’s not treating him like a crown prince. Did your child know it was their birthday when they were 1? Mine certainly didn’t, but I still made a huge fuss about their birthday.

What’s the point in only putting her foot down next year or the year after? She might as well start all that now as she’s clearly going to need to.

I think @beachcitygirl that your use of crowned prince again is probably deflecting from the message your trying to convey as it comes across two camps and fairly hostile. It wouldn't be acceptable to call DSC skids so in reverse it's also not ok with this crowned prince talk. Can we remember we are talking about kids ?

Your right op could move the party to the other week and avoid upsetting DH. I would be more concerned about his opinion if he managed to put a banner up for his own children on their birthdays but I digress.

I also think that it's not a massive deal imo if this was Disney land or a big holiday sure bend, hell die on the hill to make sure DSC can come. But

A gathering with a cake, ballon's and ops family aka adults doesn't sound (excuse me op for this) like the party of the century from a kids perspective . And yes op is probably doing it partly for herself, that's ok. Christ I wish I had marked every milestone we had with my first born (he has passed away for context) it's the memories you see is all you have left in the end.

Idk I don't see this as a massive deal as a sm or a mum tbh but who knows I'm probably wrong. There also isn't a rule book you know all blended families have different parameters. Although I have to say it again - DP being upset would have 0 impact to me because he sounds like a human turd (I said what I said)

Thank you @beachcitygirl for proving exactly what you are.

But I know for a fact. That i would want ALL my kids at my child's birthday & if my partner couldn't understand that & facilitate that then I wouldn't be with them

Presumably though if you wanted this you would also be willing to swap contact and collect your kids to make it happen. Noone is saying that the child's dad shouldn't want them there. It's just up to him to make it happen rather than expecting the sm and his youngest child to do the compromising.

And what am I exactly? Please spell it out?

Also my child is a female so is a crown princess of anything. But we aren't royalty so alas no title.

It's all sorted. Everyone is happy. Cake a plenty.

Absolutely - it’s a big deal for a mum, a real landmark to celebrate a year of their life together, especially the first. Would be a cold day in hell if I postponed a special event to work around contact with DSC.

Don't understand the issue at all tbh. It's a one year olds birthday party, I'm sure DSC aren't desperate to attend anyway.

I still marked my child's 1st birthday, okay fine they didn't know what it was but it was an important day for me and my family so hell yeah I made a fuss of him. I wouldn't have sat about waiting for a week pretending it hadn't already passed so that my older step kids who I doubt are that arsed anyway could be in the same room.

Talk about pointless pandering.

Another thread that descends into batshit.

When I was a kid not all my full-siblings let alone my half-siblings attended my birthday celebrations due to our age gaps. (In fact one of my sisters who was roped into being at one ensured she was not available years afterwards by working. 😂)

It isn't like it is the OP's child's bar mitzvah, 18th birthday, 21st birthday or wedding so if they don't come it isn't a big deal.

I've had conversations with my nephews and nieces over the years who are full-siblings and close age gaps. If they realise it is a birthday outing they won't enjoy due to the chosen event and/or their siblings crowd of friends from about age 8 they make excuses to do something else.