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Original poster

Does your SC have a room at your house?

236 replies

ouesyesh · 14/04/2022 22:27

Scenario:

Resident children
1 girl (10) going through puberty
1 boy (4)

SS is 14, stays over about 3-4 nights a month.

3 bedroom house. No other additional rooms to turn into a bedroom.

A) Let SS sleep on pull out bed in living room when over
B) Give SS a room - if so what do resident kids do?

OP posts:
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springbreak22 · 14/04/2022 23:15

Moved to a house big enough for your 2 children but not your partners, interesting Hmm

Original poster
ouesyesh · 14/04/2022 23:17

@MyDcAreMarvel

And why did you move into a house too small for your children?
This was what we could afford, i am really sorry about about how selfish we are
OP posts:
Starseeking · 14/04/2022 23:19

I'd put an extra bed in the 4 year olds room and SS can share there when he stays. It really shouldn't be a big deal to do it that way (though I noticed it wasn't one of your options).

Original poster
ouesyesh · 14/04/2022 23:19

@springbreak22

Moved to a house big enough for your 2 children but not your partners, interesting Hmm
Do you think if we had the choice we would still only buy a 3 bed? Honestly shocked at how thick some people are
OP posts:
TracyMosby · 14/04/2022 23:20

This was what we could afford, i am really sorry about about how selfish we are

That sounds like sarcasm. But it is actually selfish. You had a boy and a girl already and chose to have a third child who you couldn't accommodate within your finances. It is selfish.

Original poster
ouesyesh · 14/04/2022 23:20

@Starseeking

I'd put an extra bed in the 4 year olds room and SS can share there when he stays. It really shouldn't be a big deal to do it that way (though I noticed it wasn't one of your options).
Well it sort of was in option B
OP posts:
Flickflak · 14/04/2022 23:20

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TracyMosby · 14/04/2022 23:21

@Starseeking

I'd put an extra bed in the 4 year olds room and SS can share there when he stays. It really shouldn't be a big deal to do it that way (though I noticed it wasn't one of your options).
This.
Original poster
ouesyesh · 14/04/2022 23:25

Ok for Christ's sake it was decided before hand. I just wanted to see what others opinions on this were!!

Why cant people just answer. So many nosey questions and unnecessary remarks.

My plan was to give SS the second bedroom and have it be his choice of decor etc & totally his when he is over. Ds will sleep in there all the other nights as he is little decor isnt a big deal, all his clothes/toys are in our room.

DH thinks pull out bed due to some months only having ss one night, he is getting older and prefers to be at home.

So to the lovely person calling me selfish, actually no i am not.

OP posts:
BungleandGeorge · 14/04/2022 23:27

I’d have 10 year old and 4 year old share for the short time the ss is there. Or 4 year old shares with you. Possibly 4 year old and 14 year old share if necessary but the 14 year old is most in need of privacy so not ideal. No to sofa bed

GrazingSheep · 14/04/2022 23:29

Why cant people just answer. So many nosey questions and unnecessary remarks.

Because you don’t give enough information in your op.

SpinningMeSoftly · 14/04/2022 23:30

So where will your son go? Sorry, it's probably me being lost a bit.

Good luck whatever you decide btw.

Greensleeves · 14/04/2022 23:30

@ouesyesh

Ok for Christ's sake it was decided before hand. I just wanted to see what others opinions on this were!!

Why cant people just answer. So many nosey questions and unnecessary remarks.

My plan was to give SS the second bedroom and have it be his choice of decor etc & totally his when he is over. Ds will sleep in there all the other nights as he is little decor isnt a big deal, all his clothes/toys are in our room.

DH thinks pull out bed due to some months only having ss one night, he is getting older and prefers to be at home.

So to the lovely person calling me selfish, actually no i am not.

We're people, not performing seals Confused

Of course people are going to ask questions and want to explore the issues as they formulate the opinions you asked for.

No need to be so arsey about it.

WomblingWilma · 14/04/2022 23:30

There’s no way I’d have my DS sleeping on the sofa like a spare par, or mate crashed out from the pub, in his fathers home.

Obviously it’s not feasible to have an extra room that’s only going to be used 3/4 nights a month but he should have an ‘area’ and that will only work in his brother’s room.

You sound like a real peach btw and probably will be very resentful that your DS’s room has to have a bed for his brother in it. I’ve taken that from you even thinking getting him to sleep on the sofa was an option.

Does your DH only see his 14 year old 3/4 times a month or does he see him at other times? I’m sure he’ll get the message and it’ll be even less soon. Poor lad.

Original poster
ouesyesh · 14/04/2022 23:35

@WomblingWilma

There’s no way I’d have my DS sleeping on the sofa like a spare par, or mate crashed out from the pub, in his fathers home.

Obviously it’s not feasible to have an extra room that’s only going to be used 3/4 nights a month but he should have an ‘area’ and that will only work in his brother’s room.

You sound like a real peach btw and probably will be very resentful that your DS’s room has to have a bed for his brother in it. I’ve taken that from you even thinking getting him to sleep on the sofa was an option.

Does your DH only see his 14 year old 3/4 times a month or does he see him at other times? I’m sure he’ll get the message and it’ll be even less soon. Poor lad.

Well done on your observation there Wilma. If you had bothered to read my post i said i would prefer ss have his room with my ds using when ss is not over. It is DH who is now having second thoughts so i posed this question on here.

Very quick to judge the stepmum. We are not all evil villains!

OP posts:
BungleandGeorge · 14/04/2022 23:36

If the boys share the largest/ 2nd bedroom could you get a room divider? Otherwise I’d just move your son out for 3/4 nights a month and give the room to ss. I always had to vacate my childhood room for guests, it was never a big deal, just get storage so toys can be put away

Greensleeves · 14/04/2022 23:37

People aren't judging you because you're a stepmum, they're judging you because your attitude stinks.

Phewthemutinyworked · 14/04/2022 23:37

Just put the 2 boys in one room…easy .
OP you do come across as very stressy!

Greensleeves · 14/04/2022 23:39

@BungleandGeorge

If the boys share the largest/ 2nd bedroom could you get a room divider? Otherwise I’d just move your son out for 3/4 nights a month and give the room to ss. I always had to vacate my childhood room for guests, it was never a big deal, just get storage so toys can be put away
My 17 and 19yos are sharing for four nights over Easter, because we have grandparents staying in DS2's room

They can grumble, but it's tough - it's part of family life and does them no harm imo Grin

BungleandGeorge · 14/04/2022 23:39

Is your husband saying that as he’s not keen on 4 year old coming in with you? I don’t think there’s any issue a 4 year old boy occasionally sleeping in a room with 10 year old sister, it’s for very little time each month

Original poster
ouesyesh · 14/04/2022 23:47

@Greensleeves

People aren't judging you because you're a stepmum, they're judging you because your attitude stinks.
But why should i take shitty comments?
OP posts:
Original poster
ouesyesh · 14/04/2022 23:50

@BungleandGeorge

Is your husband saying that as he’s not keen on 4 year old coming in with you? I don’t think there’s any issue a 4 year old boy occasionally sleeping in a room with 10 year old sister, it’s for very little time each month
He more just thinks ds 4 should have the room as ss hardly sleeps over, he prefers visiting for dinner etc then goes home. Also when he does stay he usually sleeps on the sofa as he falls asleep watching movies in the living room.

Dh isnt being mean about it, just basing it off our reality.

Where as i am still keen to allow ss to have his own space at ours as i dont want him to feel pushed out by any means.

OP posts:
TracyMosby · 14/04/2022 23:56

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Luredbyapomegranate · 14/04/2022 23:58

Well it’s sofa or share w the 4 YO, assuming they’d both be happy with the latter. Neither is ideal, so if there’s a way to convert the garage, garden office, loft then do, but if there isn’t there isn’t. Be as welcoming as you can in other ways - a regular set of bedding, wash bag and cupboard/hanging space for his clothes would help.

BungleandGeorge · 14/04/2022 23:58

Your son will have the room the other 28 or so days a month so I don’t think it will be particularly unfair on him to move out for 3 nights a month (or less). Sleeping on a sofa isn’t particularly welcoming and will be a pita for the rest of the family as they won’t be able to use that room freely. I’m not sure I’d want teen boy smell lingering in my living room either! Just do the decor quite plain, kids grow out of themed kids rooms so quickly anyway