Does your SC have a room at your house?

[ouesyesh]

Scenario:

Resident children
1 girl (10) going through puberty
1 boy (4)

SS is 14, stays over about 3-4 nights a month.

3 bedroom house. No other additional rooms to turn into a bedroom.

A) Let SS sleep on pull out bed in living room when over
B) Give SS a room - if so what do resident kids do?

Has anyone made any comments about how they aren't happy with the current arrangement?

@ouesyesh

You’re fine don’t worry about it, put him under the stairs he might end up being a magical Harry Potter 😂😂😅

Ffs don’t listen to the hysterics, as long as SS is happy, I don’t see anything wrong.

Wondering if he shares a bedroom at home or should his mum have to buy a big house and he not share?

OP, ignore the crazy comments about easily buying a 4bed house.

I agree both boys should share room with bunk beds .

@MyDcAreMarvel

And why did you move into a house too small for your children?

OK, typical comment here that demands an entire bedroom be provided for a DSC for 3/4 nights per month.

@ouesyesh
There are people who hang out here, either from the US, or another planet entirely, who assume failure to assign one bedroom per child is a moral failing on the part of the parents. Clearly they are unaware of the salary/house price ratios current in the UK.

They demand that if you, as a stepmum, want to add children to the family, then you, personally, are required keep the first family in the manner to which they would like to be accustomed!

Some people are coming up with really random solutions! Your family has three children, so boys in the bigger room together and dd in the smallest. Nobody needs to sleep in the lounge or buy a house they can't afford.

When I was growing up everyone shared with same sex siblings regardless of age difference. You’re actually giving him a choice. I don’t think it’s a bad deal.

I live in an area with tons and tons of 3 beds and almost no 4 beds and they are expensive because of it.

Why does he only stay over 3 or 4 nights a month?

Poor kid will already feel like an outsider You cant not give him a room. And tbh yes I understand finances but you should have prioritised existing children before choosing to have more.

Me and my sister had divorced parents and had room in both houses. We shared with each other at our dad’s and had a room each at our mum’s.

I don’t think I’d have felt like a proper part of the family if I had to sleep on a pull out bed in the living room and I don’t know if we would have the lovely relationship we have now with all our parents (including my stepmum) if we hadn’t felt 100% at home in both houses.

I am never surprised with the absolute crappy responses by some people on this board.

We have a similar situation and my DSS aged 9 sleeps in with our 2 year old. He has a high bed over the toy storage and chest of drawers and our 2 year old has a bed the other side of the room. DSS had all his belongings up high, tele, Xbox, etc. it doesn't effect our 2 years olds space as technically not taking up any floor playing space.
Absolutely do not move your 4 year old out because his half brother arrives. That's showing him he's more important and let's face it that's his home every night if the month. Step children aren't royalty. They are kids. Kids have to share, and just get on with it!

I'd decorate the room suitable for both of them. Have bunk beds and some space for dss things and have them share those 3/4 days.

Have the boys share a room but make sure it's the biggest room. Bunk beds with DSS on the top with shelves etc uo there

B) Give SS a room - if so what do resident kids do?

Under no circumstances should the resident children be turfed out of their rooms to provide one for SS that's going to sit empty for 90% of the month.

Offer him to either bunk with your 4 y/o or living room.

@ouesyesh

Ok for Christ's sake it was decided before hand. I just wanted to see what others opinions on this were!!

Why cant people just answer. So many nosey questions and unnecessary remarks.

My plan was to give SS the second bedroom and have it be his choice of decor etc & totally his when he is over. Ds will sleep in there all the other nights as he is little decor isnt a big deal, all his clothes/toys are in our room.

DH thinks pull out bed due to some months only having ss one night, he is getting older and prefers to be at home.

So to the lovely person calling me selfish, actually no i am not.

I actually think this is unfair on your younger son. 'the rest of the time' is most of the time. The room should be decorated for him. You don't have to do it paw patrol or anything but you should do it with both in mind not just make it DSS's room that your son sleeps in when he's not there. He lives there 90% more than your step son! Of course it should be the other way round i.e. his room that DSS sleeps in when he's there. And I think they should share when be stays too. Lots of children do it, it's really not a big deal.

You'll need to find a way of making DSS a private, permanent space in either the shared bedroom or the living room. Curtain/partition, fancy headphones that don't leak sound. A way that he can quietly watch movies, game etc without waking your DS. I'd spend serious money to achieve that. Have a look a Japanese sleep pods/hotels for ideas.

Definitely bunk beds in the larger room, his own shelf/hanging/drawer space where he can leave things between visits so it doesn't feel 'temporary' like he's living out of a suitcase in someone else's room, maybe put both names on the outside of the door?

@SpaceshiptoMars

You'll need to find a way of making DSS a private, permanent space in either the shared bedroom or the living room. Curtain/partition, fancy headphones that don't leak sound. A way that he can quietly watch movies, game etc without waking your DS. I'd spend serious money to achieve that. Have a look a Japanese sleep pods/hotels for ideas.

And if they do not have the serious money to fritter away.

He can have a bunk in a bunk bed and deal if necessary.

It does sound like DSS has the living room to himself a lot for watching films etc (I wouldn't have had this or provide it for my kids as we're always in the living room, we don't go elsewhere to leave them to it) so I don't think it's imperative he have the capacity to do this in his bedroom as well. Nice, but not essential.

And if they do not have the serious money to fritter away.

Serious money means different things to different households - I would want to spend enough out of my budget to show that I care. I don't consider this frittering - there are practical problems with a 14 yr old sharing with a 4yr old.

Apart from anything else - porn. Any use of this needs to be kept well separated. The 14yr old needs the privacy, the 4yr old needs the innocence. Both needs must be honoured.

Any carpentry skills in the family, OP? Might come in very handy in this situation. Otherwise, I might look at completely off the wall things like both boys sleep in separate tents in one room (Keeping light exposure, flickering TV light down, so DS can sleep well). You can't ship DSS off to bed at 11 and expect him to meekly go to sleep!

Apart from anything else - porn. Any use of this needs to be kept well separated. The 14yr old needs the privacy, the 4yr old needs the innocence. Both needs must be honoured.
You think a 14 year old should have the privacy to watch porn are you out of your mind?

@SpaceshiptoMars above post

Mind you, I had a large part of my house completely remodelled for the arrival of the younger DSCs. Own bathroom, sitting area etc. Eldest DSC arrived when work was completed - all painted, carpeted, twiddly bits, to younger DSCs specification - and promptly demanded I gave up my bedroom for them instead.....

You can't win!

Gosh some folks are nuts… hiding your millions away @ouesyesh just so you can have this predicament .

I definitely think your daughter needs her own room so I would give her the smallest as less toys soon, more likely want a dressing table etc. I would in all honesty put either two full size single beds or adult sized bunk beds in the other bedroom for the boys to share. Our DD’s share (10/16) and the decor is more teen but still has storage for toys etc.

You think a 14 year old should have the privacy to watch porn are you out of your mind?

I assume a 14yr old will watch porn, whatever my personal discomfort with that. (Ahem, brothers) He already has the TV in the living room to himself at night. So I'd be making damn sure they didn't expose my 4yr old to any.....

@SpaceshiptoMars

And if they do not have the serious money to fritter away.

Serious money means different things to different households - I would want to spend enough out of my budget to show that I care. I don't consider this frittering - there are practical problems with a 14 yr old sharing with a 4yr old.

Apart from anything else - porn. Any use of this needs to be kept well separated. The 14yr old needs the privacy, the 4yr old needs the innocence. Both needs must be honoured.

Any carpentry skills in the family, OP? Might come in very handy in this situation. Otherwise, I might look at completely off the wall things like both boys sleep in separate tents in one room (Keeping light exposure, flickering TV light down, so DS can sleep well). You can't ship DSS off to bed at 11 and expect him to meekly go to sleep!

Not every household can provide absolute privacy. He will have a room and somewhere to sleep.

What the hell is wrong with you that you think any one should accommodate a teen to watch porn?