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Original poster

Does your SC have a room at your house?

236 replies

ouesyesh · 14/04/2022 22:27

Scenario:

Resident children
1 girl (10) going through puberty
1 boy (4)

SS is 14, stays over about 3-4 nights a month.

3 bedroom house. No other additional rooms to turn into a bedroom.

A) Let SS sleep on pull out bed in living room when over
B) Give SS a room - if so what do resident kids do?

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worriedaboutmoney2022 · 14/04/2022 23:58

A lady I work with was in this similar predicament so the house they owned they rented out as they couldn't afford to buy a bigger one but they rented their 3 bed out then rented a bigger more suitable 5 bed as theres 2 resident kids and 2 step kids and that worked really well.
Is that an option that could work for you? Alternatively I'd put bunk beds in the 4 year olds room

ouesyesh · 14/04/2022 23:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted as it quotes a deleted post.

Original poster
ouesyesh · 15/04/2022 00:01

@worriedaboutmoney2022

A lady I work with was in this similar predicament so the house they owned they rented out as they couldn't afford to buy a bigger one but they rented their 3 bed out then rented a bigger more suitable 5 bed as theres 2 resident kids and 2 step kids and that worked really well. Is that an option that could work for you? Alternatively I'd put bunk beds in the 4 year olds room
Funnily enough i suggested this! Dh wasnt a fan so it didnt happen.

Thanks for offering the suggestion though, would have been a good option i thought

OP posts:
TracyMosby · 15/04/2022 00:01
Hmm
AHungryCaterpillar · 15/04/2022 00:01

I would put the 4 year old and 14 year old in the same room.

Original poster
ouesyesh · 15/04/2022 00:03

@BungleandGeorge

Your son will have the room the other 28 or so days a month so I don’t think it will be particularly unfair on him to move out for 3 nights a month (or less). Sleeping on a sofa isn’t particularly welcoming and will be a pita for the rest of the family as they won’t be able to use that room freely. I’m not sure I’d want teen boy smell lingering in my living room either! Just do the decor quite plain, kids grow out of themed kids rooms so quickly anyway
Haha yes a point i raise re the smell!

No i fully agree, its not ideal having him on the sofa, was just curious to see what others thought so i will report back.

OP posts:
BadNomad · 15/04/2022 00:03

On MN stepchildren are supposed to be treated better than your own children.

Meanwhile, in the real world, your daughter gets a room to herself and the brothers share. Either bunkbeds, 2 singles, or a trundle.

Jamboree01 · 15/04/2022 00:04

Did he give reasons as to why he wasn’t a fan?

Original poster
ouesyesh · 15/04/2022 00:06

@TracyMosby

Hmm
In all seriousness though, arseyness aside.

Why would you assume we dont send him up to bed when he does that? Why would you assume we dont offer to give him the living room to watch movies (something he loves doing and prefers to be alone)? I didnt say, so why just assume the worst?

The point is, there is a human behind this. Neither of us are shitty parents, we do everything for all our kids and your comment is horrible and damaging.

OP posts:
Original poster
ouesyesh · 15/04/2022 00:07

@BadNomad

On MN stepchildren are supposed to be treated better than your own children.

Meanwhile, in the real world, your daughter gets a room to herself and the brothers share. Either bunkbeds, 2 singles, or a trundle.

Gosh i am rapidly learning this! (& slightly regretting posting now)
OP posts:
Jamboree01 · 15/04/2022 00:08

@BadNomad

On MN stepchildren are supposed to be treated better than your own children.

Meanwhile, in the real world, your daughter gets a room to herself and the brothers share. Either bunkbeds, 2 singles, or a trundle.

In the real world, all children should be welcomed into their home with their parent. Even if they don’t live in that home for the majority of the time. Teenagers should be loved as much as the younger children are.
Original poster
ouesyesh · 15/04/2022 00:08

@Jamboree01

Did he give reasons as to why he wasn’t a fan?
Finances, worked it out and we would be worse off. So i guess it makes sense
OP posts:
Original poster
ouesyesh · 15/04/2022 00:09

@Jamboree01 he is though. Have i said anywhere he is not loved as much?

OP posts:
Hertsgirl10 · 15/04/2022 00:11

Just buy a bigger house be in debt and not afford anything 😅

Some weird relies on here.

The kid stays 2/3 times a month calm down folks.

Does SS even care about being on the sofa?

I’m sure people just say things to be a dick on this site I really do.

SpinningMeSoftly · 15/04/2022 00:12

OP, there's a thread about something very similar on here, about a DSS on the sofa. I think it's actually on Step-parenting too?

(I'd go with bunk beds as well. Also good for sleep-overs.)

converseandjeans · 15/04/2022 00:13

I would put boys in together & bunk beds if you have space. Give DSS a space to put his stuff.

Realistically if he is 14 he will only stay over another 3-4 years.

If this isn't working then just put DS4 in with you on air bed for the nights DSS stays. We have no spare room & DS has to do same if we have visitors.

Jamboree01 · 15/04/2022 00:16

No you haven’t said it

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 15/04/2022 00:18

He needs a bedroom, not sleeping in a living room. Share with the 4 year old or have the little one in with you.

Original poster
ouesyesh · 15/04/2022 00:24

@Hertsgirl10

Just buy a bigger house be in debt and not afford anything 😅

Some weird relies on here.

The kid stays 2/3 times a month calm down folks.

Does SS even care about being on the sofa?

I’m sure people just say things to be a dick on this site I really do.

God im glad others see it! I was shocked! Being painted as this crazy evil stepmum!

Im more team ss then my dh is! (Obviously not for the trolls, we both love him to pieces)

It was just a bit of harmless (or so i thought) research off the back of a brief convo dh & I had.

Glad there are normal people out there though :)

OP posts:
twiggy19 · 15/04/2022 00:25

DD has smallest room to herself.

Boys share biggest room.

Non structural room divider down the middle (curtains or similar)
2 single beds with there own chosen bedding etc... Bosh! 😀

SS will have a sense of belonging & personal space but not taking DS's room away.

X

shiningstar2 · 15/04/2022 00:27

I would put bunk beds in your son's room. That way there is no more floor space taken up. I would give the boys the bigger room so that DSS has some personal space when he sleeps over. Without see one recognised space of his own he will, over time not wish to to come. When a to person sleeps I. Living space they have to vacate as soon as family are up and about. Fine for a rare visit from friends not good as your only space in your dad's home. Where is the privacy to dress/undress as he gets older. How does he get a bit of down time away from family. This is his second home and he needs to feel that his presence isn't an intrusion in the family living space.

SandyY2K · 15/04/2022 00:28

You must have discussed this with your dh when you bought the house. What was the plan then and why isn't that the plan now?

My thoughts exactly.

worriedatthistime · 15/04/2022 00:30

I would have two boys sharing with a pull out bed or if you can accommodate a chair bed or something
Plenty of sibling share
If he needs some alone time when he visits maybe 4 year old could play down stairs those few times
Or see if he is happier with a sofa bed in the lounge

Ijustreallywantacat · 15/04/2022 00:32

Just have the boys share a room, IMO. Maybe ask him. I shared a room with my younger sister until I was 15 and my stepsister shared the same room when she was over. 3 in one room! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with kids sharing. Some posters need a serious grip.

SandyY2K · 15/04/2022 00:33

he prefers visiting for dinner etc then goes home.

Then make it clear to him that he doesn't have a room and he should go home every night.