That sounds so hard @pitchforksandflamethrowers. Really heartbreaking. I’m glad your DH is properly aware of the issues and you feel able you have such firm boundaries.
Our weekend of actual homelessness came about in a truly awful way. We had to leave in an emergency (the situation was dire) and went to my mum’s house hundreds of miles away. However, I needed to return here to start a job (after maternity leave) and have DS start nursery. I was trying to negotiate with the bastard that we’d stay in the house with him while he found an alternative.
But that would mean his contact didn’t happen in the house EOW (he’d have to make his own arrangements for one contact weekend, and I’d take the kids to my mum’s for the other one in a 4 week block). He’d only get one night a month with them in the house because we’d only be away on Saturday night because of work and school on Friday and Monday.
And his kids wouldn’t get a bedroom in the house. I’d take one of the rooms as my bedroom. The toddler would take the other. H would keep the main bedroom and his office to WFH. But he was absolutely insistent that they must have a bedroom each (to sleep in one night a month).
All temporarily while he found somewhere else to live. But he wouldn’t let us in the house at all. Not at all. We couldn’t stay at my mum’s any longer, we weren’t allowed in the house. We had literally no money because I hadn’t been paid yet (and he’d been financially abusing me on maternity leave). So the council had to put us in emergency homeless accommodation. His solicitor must have told him that any judge would give me and the baby and occupation order on the Monday or Tuesday - and he’d look like a complete bastard who didn’t care about his baby. He moved out during that weekend and left the keys with a neighbour.
And to this day he will pretend that I (sec my mother!) are the villains. And that he wasn’t prioritising seeing his other children in the most convenient way possible to him (and therefor his superdad image!) over us.
SS wasn’t here yesterday (never is). H spent the weekend with the SC and did a school drop off this morning. It appears that H was horrible to SS about not being able to ride a bike. So his mother must have taught him after school today and then called H so he could tell him that he can.
But from my perspective a man who literally always prioritises the SC over our child (if there is ever any competing interests, he’ll choose the SC every time) turned up in my house and within 5 minutes was having a go at me because he wasn’t having a video call with his son (via his ex wife) - in my house, with our child involved. The son he saw that morning (unlike our child).
Of great relevance here is that: 1. H had decreed that he was bringing food for dinner - for him, the toddler and me. My DS was home (always is on Mondays) so H was purposefully excluding my DS in his own home (I’d taken remedial action there by teaching DS to make a meal he loves, so we made his meal together and had a lovely time). The man always banging on about how his children must be ‘accepted’ (which means put on pedestals and prioritised as far as I can tell) was actively excluding my DS in his own home. 2. H hates my ex. He is always complaining about him and tries to tell me that DS should never be dropped off by his dad at my (DS’s home). He’s supposed to walk in his own or something. And here is that man insisting that a video call from his ex in my house (with my child involved) is reasonable. And I’m awful for having a problem with it.
long winded, but the point is that I’m utterly sick of H not even prioritising our child when he doesn’t have the SC. I’m sick of his blatant double standards. I’m sick of him acting and manipulating to make me the bad guy. I’m sick of not being able to keep him first family from being the primary determinant of what happens in my own home, that H does not live in. The man is a bastard.