i am so angry. I need to vent.
We are separated because I’m sick of being treated like a second class family and scapegoated no matter what I do. He likes to pretend he’s trying to save our relationship, while purposefully doing things that make things much, much worse.
It’s our toddler’s second birthday this week. Of course, he’s purposefully arranged to have the SC this week. And everything must always revolve around them. DS’s birthday is the ideal time to use him as a prop in entertaining them. I have my DS, but less because I planned it than I just told his dad to choose the dates he wanted for the holiday. My life is too much of a mess to be planning anything. I’m not allowed to make plan; just to await instruction from the horrible man I stupidly married and had a baby with.
He’s been banging on about how he wants to be there for birthday wake up etc and wi I let them all stay in my house. On and on and on. And asking me what we should do - where we should take him for a day out etc. I’ve avoided answering because he’ll paint me as unreasonable for not wanting his (really not nice) children in my house. I had been considering saying yes to keep
the peace and for the toddler’s benefit.
today he asks again what we should do
for DS’s birthday. So I suggest a day out that he might like. In return, I get back the response that he’s (without saying anything to me at all - purposefully - while
claiming he’s trying to find a way to save our relationship) changed his car. Apparently he’s have needed an MOT and some new tyres. He had a 7 seater which would have fit us all. Now he’s got a brand new smaller car. He had his old car on Thursday! So there’s no room for my DS. I don’t have a car. I can’t afford a car because I’m paying the mortgage, and FT nursery fees on an income low enough to qualify for UC (to pay towards childcare).
I’m livid. He’s made this choice on purpose knowing exactly what he was doing. He chose to ensure he had too small a car so he could insist on centring DS’s birthday around his favoured children and would be excluding my DS from whatever activity it was. He’s been nagging me about having his children stay in my house, knowing he’d done this. Absolutely knowing it.
And he’s trying to make out that I’m unstable and unreasonable for being angry that he’s chosen to do this to come to a head on out child’s birthday.
Added to this, he sent me two drunken messages at the weekend (which I ignored). The first is in the general
theme where he threatens me with ruining my life and controlling me via DS for the next 16 years. The second is ridiculous in so many ways but it confirms something he’s said multiple times about how DS is less important because there are two
of the SC and maybe this family might matter to him if we had 2 children. Further important context is that I had a miscarriage and my awful H told me it was good because he already had too many children (and the SC aren’t very nice).
I never wanted to ‘win’ anything. He set up
the competition and made it so I had to be the person fighting for my child’s interests. This is a father who didn’t want his child to have a bedroom at all because the SC having mostly empty rooms is all that matters. Who always chooses the SC even where it’s merely a want for them and it directly harms or disadvantages his youngest child.
These are the messages. They’re as bad as I think they are. He’s a bastard.
Message 1:
I'm not scared of anything. I lived in [3 shit places] for years. I also went traveling around America alone for 4 months. Plus I lived abroad just for the hell of it. Finally, I combine intelligence with playing dumb and physical aggression. I'm extremely difficult
Message 2:
If you have another baby then it's back on track for us because it's 2 versus 2 and you win. All day long. Because you're gorgeous, we are a similar age and have so much in common, before, during and most importantly, after, kids. Our experiences are what most couples could only hope for: [some places we went on holiday], and us alone anywhere.