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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Step son doesn't speak to me at all

164 replies

nadgersbadgers · 06/03/2022 13:22

4 years on.

We did have a good relationship.

He ignores me. Constantly.

I get up with the kids offer him breakfast he ignores me. I'll offer all kids a drink and he ignores me, then asks his dad.

We went geocaching yesterday. The app is on my phone, in my hand. He asks his dad where the next one is etc.

His mother openly refers to me as a fucking bitch. Tbh I'm done. They win. My partner has just told me to grow up infront of him for me asking him if he can hear me when he's ignored me ALL weekend.

We've had a massive row and I'm done. I don't want to be in my own house when he's here. He's 7 and runs rings round his dad and I'm done.

OP posts:
User89174648495 · 06/03/2022 13:25

Were you the other woman?

GeneLovesJezebel · 06/03/2022 13:25

Ask his dad to take him out instead if he can’t be civil, but TBH it’s his parents that are the problem.

Original poster
nadgersbadgers · 06/03/2022 13:27

No I wasn't the OW. Both single.

It's a parent problem. I get that. partner feels guilt I suppose. Over compensates the whole time like fucking Disney dad. SS just rules the whole show the whole time. Our son doesn't get a look in. I've tried over and over again to get DP to engage and talk to me. He doesn't / won't / says he doesn't know what to do. All ends up the same. I'm done.

Doesn't matter if im Mary poppins or not. He's only happy when im not around which I think means one thing for my relationship with DP.

OP posts:
Bananarama21 · 06/03/2022 13:28

Life is too short to be treated like this op

Original poster
nadgersbadgers · 06/03/2022 13:29

Also for context I'm pregnant.

Apparently Ss is really excited about another baby. Wants to rub my tummy etc - according to partner. But hasn't even looked at me since he got here Friday.

OP posts:
Bananarama21 · 06/03/2022 13:30

Hss he just found out op?

GeneLovesJezebel · 06/03/2022 13:30

Do you want to live like this forever ? Can you imagine what it might be like when he gets to the teenage years ?

Original poster
nadgersbadgers · 06/03/2022 13:31

@Bananarama21 not this weekend no. But this isn't new. He's ignored me for last 18 months or so.

OP posts:
GiantHaystacks2021 · 06/03/2022 13:31

I'd be done.
Leave the whole rotten lot of them to it.

I would be looking into moving out with your DS, or moving them out.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 06/03/2022 13:31

@nadgersbadgers

Also for context I'm pregnant.

Apparently Ss is really excited about another baby. Wants to rub my tummy etc - according to partner. But hasn't even looked at me since he got here Friday.

Oh.
Bananarama21 · 06/03/2022 13:32

Op you have a dh problem he isn't backing you up, life is too short, I'd make plans to leave for the sake of your son and unborn baby.

TopTabby · 06/03/2022 13:32

I'd be done as well. You've given it 4 years, I wouldn't be giving it any more.

He sounds like a rude, entitled lad who knows exactly what he's doing. His mum sounds unhinged so I do feel a bit sorry for him in that respect as he's learning from the worst.

I'd be telling my partner I'd 'grown up' & was moving on. You'll be much happier.

Ozanj · 06/03/2022 13:34

Just leave. Life is too short to be treated like dirt.

harriethoyle · 06/03/2022 13:34

I'm so sorry OP. Sounds really tough Flowers

MzHz · 06/03/2022 13:37

Why on earth would you continue to put yourself and your kid through this, not to mention SS? The time to call it a day was long long ago!

Recognise that this isn’t at all helpful, but what on earth were you expecting? That he’d wake up on day with a dad who actually parents him or that he’d have a personality change and turn into someone he isn’t?

Getting pg in this situation seems insane.

You’re not happy, not at all, you don’t have to stay in this situation. I think long term you’d be happier apart. Your kids would certainly have a more healthy and relaxed home environment if you’d only be responsible for your dc with him

What is the living situation? Rent/own? Work? SAHP? Could you manage well enough if you split?

DirtyDancing · 06/03/2022 13:38

SS is one issue. The way your partner is treating you is another. I couldn't hang around being spoken to or ignored by either

PatchworkElmer · 06/03/2022 13:39

Sod this for a laugh. Leave.

HollowTalk · 06/03/2022 13:40

I think you have to leave, for your sake, for your own children's sake and for this little boy's sake, too.

notthemum · 06/03/2022 13:41

@MzHz

Why on earth would you continue to put yourself and your kid through this, not to mention SS? The time to call it a day was long long ago!

Recognise that this isn’t at all helpful, but what on earth were you expecting? That he’d wake up on day with a dad who actually parents him or that he’d have a personality change and turn into someone he isn’t?

Getting pg in this situation seems insane.

You’re not happy, not at all, you don’t have to stay in this situation. I think long term you’d be happier apart. Your kids would certainly have a more healthy and relaxed home environment if you’d only be responsible for your dc with him

What is the living situation? Rent/own? Work? SAHP? Could you manage well enough if you split?

This
NorthernSpirit · 06/03/2022 13:49

I feel your pain.

I have been with my OH 8 years, known the SC about 7.5 years. I have a great relationship with the younger SS (13). I have absolutely no relationship with my SD (now 16). I have tried and tried, she just isn’t interested and frankly she is rude and has very little social skills. I’m referred to by her & her very high conflict mother as ‘her’. And no I wasn’t the OH - he had been divorced for years before I had met him.

She would walk in, ignore me. Wouldn’t look at me, talk to me, one word monosyllabic answers when I tried to engage. It went on for 18 months and I got tired of being ignored in my own home. I had known her for 6 years and now don’t think she’s ever said a sentence to me (at one point I thought she might have some special needs then I just realised she was fu@king rude).

OH put it down to moody teenager. After one miserable Christmas I said enough was enough. In the January my OH discovered that she has been going through personal paperwork of ours as well as breaking not her dads phone, taking photos of personal things & private messages between us & giving them to her mum. He tackled her about it and she now doesn’t visit or speak to her dad.

I feel sorry for my OH - who has tried to be a good dad to her, but she is poisoned by her bitter mother. TBH the relief is immense that she no longer visits and I don’t intend to have any relationship with her moving forward after the pain she has caused my OH.

Poor parenting is the cause, you have done nothing wrong and these kids will get a shock in the real world when they treat people like shit.

Good luck.

nozbottheblue · 06/03/2022 13:51

Is family counselling an option?
You need to sit down together, ideally you, DP and SS and discuss what's going on in SS's mind. Must be horrible for him being indoctrinated by his Mum that you are a FB, then having to switch over to being with you- his Mum is the major problem I think, and hard for a 7 year old to cope with.
What if you and DP have SS with you for a week (away from poison dripping from his mother) when you could get a few chances to talk things through?
(I had this problem with a teenage SS who would not talk to me, and his dad wouldn't let me raise the subject with SS in case it "made it worse" Hmm He was a major reason behind us splitting up.)
How does SS get on with your son?

NorthernSpirit · 06/03/2022 13:53

I should add…. A year into being ignored and not spoken to I told my OH that she (SD) and wasn’t to be left alone in the house with me. If she couldn’t be bothered to be civil to me, she didn’t get the privilege of staying in MY house when her dad wasn’t around.

As others have said - your OH needs to deal with this and nip it in the bud as it will only get worse. It’s his job to parent the child.

Original poster
nadgersbadgers · 06/03/2022 14:11

I've taken my DC out for a walk which has caused an even bigger scene

I'm fucked financially. This is going to break me.

OP posts:
Original poster
nadgersbadgers · 06/03/2022 14:15

In regards to his relationship with my toddler - he doesn't know how to play / won't play nicely. Very disruptive, violent and aggressive play which my toddler isn't, he's more "dinosaurs kiss and cuddle" teaches him stupid sayings /rude things. Won't just go and play like my older dc do.

He also won't eat any thing I've cooked.

I really feel like I've now utterly got the ick about a kid which is totally not me. DP thinks I'm really intolerant but I've had enough of being disrespected and treated badly in my own home by a rude child and a man who won't deal with it. Who makes me out to be the bad person t he whole time.

OP posts:
whysoserious123 · 06/03/2022 14:21

You are not the problem
Your children aren't the problem
Your step child isn't the problem
Your DHs Ex is A problem but she's not the problem
Your DH IS THE PROBLEM.

he needs to back you up and support you as you do him especially infront of ALL the children. If he doesn't show you respect or value you infront of your step child then why would your step child value or respect you.

Children aren't stupid, they pick up on the vibes your DH has towards you