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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Step son doesn't speak to me at all

164 replies

nadgersbadgers · 06/03/2022 13:22

4 years on.

We did have a good relationship.

He ignores me. Constantly.

I get up with the kids offer him breakfast he ignores me. I'll offer all kids a drink and he ignores me, then asks his dad.

We went geocaching yesterday. The app is on my phone, in my hand. He asks his dad where the next one is etc.

His mother openly refers to me as a fucking bitch. Tbh I'm done. They win. My partner has just told me to grow up infront of him for me asking him if he can hear me when he's ignored me ALL weekend.

We've had a massive row and I'm done. I don't want to be in my own house when he's here. He's 7 and runs rings round his dad and I'm done.

OP posts:
Bananarama21 · 07/03/2022 09:03

Op for your own mental health you need to step away from this relationship for the sake of yourself and your existing children this is not healthy.

AlternativePerspective · 07/03/2022 09:04

OP how many other children does he have? And why does he not see them away from his parents?

I appreciate you have some MH difficulties but tbh I can’t help wondering how much of that is to do with the situation you are currently in, and whether leaving this disfunctional situation would actually benefit your mental health.

A man who doesn’t see his children should ring alarm bells before you have more, but given you already have children you should do whatever you need to to get them away from this situation.

Original poster
nadgersbadgers · 07/03/2022 09:50

He does see his DC just due to geography mid week contact isn't at our house it's at his parents as closer to school and mother and it's not overnight so too short to bring home to us.

OP posts:
ode2me · 07/03/2022 09:53

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grapewines · 07/03/2022 10:03

What a complete shitshow. Take your young child out somewhere when boyfriend's son he's there and don't let your son go to boyfriend's parents, since they're nasty to the child, and his father refuses to parent.

LittleOwl153 · 07/03/2022 10:22

In your shoes I would ban the 7yr old from your house - and accept the call to the estate agent.
I assume with 6 kids you are not going to be able to afford to stay in the house so let it go.

You cannot continue with this shit show OP so time to get your head together, work out what you can afford, get your cms and uc claims in and move on. Seek help from Social servies/health visitor/midwife as you need it but get things sorted. Everyone will be happier and easier that way.

femfemlicious · 07/03/2022 11:21

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Bananarama21 · 07/03/2022 11:58

Op honestly how many children are involved in this set up?

Tattler2 · 07/03/2022 12:07

@LittleOwl153
If the house belonged solely to the OP , posdibly she could ban the child from the house. They purchased the house together so it is an our house. She cannot tell the partner , who contributes equally to the house, that he cannot bring his child into his home.

Perhaps a significant part of a possible solution might be for the OP to seek mental health assistance. She describes her family as "shit." She refers to her partner's mother as" his stupid mother. " She is having on going friction with a 7 year old. It seems , on the surface at least, that the OP may have some difficulty in the area of close family relationships.

The assumption has been that the partner and or the child are at fault, but in truth the OP may be at a minimum a contributor to the household friction.

As for the house, the partner and the OP have 1 shared child between them, it is no more reasonable to expect him to leave than to expect the OP to leave. Both staying while they put the house on the market makes most sense.
The OP might be better suited to living alone with her children without a partner. If her current partner wants a 50/50 custody arrangement , the OP would only have the children part-time and would have no need to be bothered with extended family relationships. This might provide her with what could be a much needed break.

LittleOwl153 · 07/03/2022 12:30

@Tattler2 My response was really in response to the OP's comment

I have got to this breaking point before and asked him if no other option then can he leave while we sort stuff or take his son there at weekends as I don't want him here and he's refused. It goes along the lines of no this is their home and if they can't come here then we will call estate agents in the morning and put the house on the market.

Encouraging her to give up on the house and call his bluff perhaps to get rid of it. I do think the Dad should take some responsiblity for the kids involved here and not force the OP to be with a child who is rude and causing such issues - no matter what the root cause of this is. To continue to do so is not helping anyone involved.

Tattler2 · 07/03/2022 12:39

@LittleOwl153
In this instance, I do think that the partner's response made sense. If the child cannot come to the home that dad is providing for him, what sense then does it make for dad to continue to pay for that home?

Better he put his resources into a house to which he can bring all of his children, and OP can have a home to which only het children come.

whiteworldgettingwhiter · 07/03/2022 12:43

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Original poster
nadgersbadgers · 07/03/2022 13:20

@whiteworldgettingwhiter wasn't planned. Contraceptive failure.

I really wish I hadn't posted now. Basically I've been made out to struggle with personal relationships -

My relationship with my parents is fine, what I meant by it's shit as in they're both busy & can't help with children / we can stay there. As in I can't turn up there with my DC and stay.

OP posts:
Original poster
nadgersbadgers · 07/03/2022 13:21

@Tattler2 yes I understand why he won't take his son else where but it rather stone walls any conversation. He won't talk, won't take his son any where else, won't do any thing to help / change / adjust. None of us get any thing positive from this, it's just forcing us to all get on with it which causes a high pressure situation week on week.

OP posts:
NowEvenBetter · 07/03/2022 15:50

Your loser of a boyfriend and his kid aren’t the issue, at all. You’re legally single and need to make plans for life with five kids. Sounds absolutely hellish, good luck.

NowEvenBetter · 07/03/2022 15:58

You said ‘my own house’, so hopefully you can easily remove your boyfriend from the property if it’s yours. What financial and legal security did you put in place, being unmarried and having so many kids?
You’ve said you’re ‘done’ repeatedly, so enjoy your freedom away from your useless boyfriend 🤷🏼‍♀️

Landedonfeet · 07/03/2022 17:09

@nadgersbadgers

Yes well searched. I'm basically falling apart.
For the sake of your 5 children

What are you going to do about it?

Original poster
nadgersbadgers · 07/03/2022 18:17

I don't know what to do.

He's told me I can't leave the house with our son if I won't let him take him away without me. It's going to get really nasty really quickly

OP posts:
MeridianB · 07/03/2022 18:19

Ignore the bullies, OP.

At least once you have some legal advice you will know what your options are. I’m sure it feels impossible right now, but you know things have to change, so try to have courage, 💐

MeridianB · 07/03/2022 18:22

@nadgersbadgers

I don't know what to do.

He's told me I can't leave the house with our son if I won't let him take him away without me. It's going to get really nasty really quickly

What is he going to do? Imprison you?

Can you safely speak to Women’s Aid?: www.womensaid.org.uk/ you can live chat with them in the website if you can’t call.

Original poster
nadgersbadgers · 07/03/2022 18:26

@MeridianB yea he will.
I've told him I don't want him taking our son to his parents without me - I didn't even get an invite. He said tough. If you won't let me then he doesn't get to go any where you don't get to take him any where either. You can't leave the house with him. Then he's left himself to walk the dog. Again. Fills me with fear and leaves me with no resolution

I am genuinely scared of him he gets V angry instantly

OP posts:
MeridianB · 07/03/2022 18:31

Ok, you really need to get some urgent help. I’d contact 111 for advice while he is out and speak to women’s aid about a safe way to leave with your son.

QweenBea · 07/03/2022 18:35

Harsh but would you terminate this pregnancy??? Another bairn is going to drag this sorry shit show out for years

Original poster
nadgersbadgers · 07/03/2022 18:37

@MeridianB he's already back. Down stairs. I'm bathing the toddler.

This is what he does to get his own way. There's no conversation it's his way, or threats and instant anger. Literally will not talk nicely. Then he will breeze off like it never happened leaving me feeling really anxious with massive adrenaline then I'll cry and later on he will act like never happened.

I do not want him taking our son to his parents as he doesn't look after him. Never does - I've told him I don't trust him. Stupid stuff like doesn't put his straps on in car seat or gets to 6pm and hasn't even considered feeding him, doesn't intervene or pay attention when his older DC have hurt him.

OP posts:
Original poster
nadgersbadgers · 07/03/2022 18:38

@QweenBea I can't. Couldn't go through with it at 7 weeks, won't be able to at 24 weeks.

OP posts: