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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Step son doesn't speak to me at all

164 replies

nadgersbadgers · 06/03/2022 13:22

4 years on.

We did have a good relationship.

He ignores me. Constantly.

I get up with the kids offer him breakfast he ignores me. I'll offer all kids a drink and he ignores me, then asks his dad.

We went geocaching yesterday. The app is on my phone, in my hand. He asks his dad where the next one is etc.

His mother openly refers to me as a fucking bitch. Tbh I'm done. They win. My partner has just told me to grow up infront of him for me asking him if he can hear me when he's ignored me ALL weekend.

We've had a massive row and I'm done. I don't want to be in my own house when he's here. He's 7 and runs rings round his dad and I'm done.

OP posts:

Original poster

nadgersbadgers · 08/03/2022 14:28

He's left to see his kids - at his parents. He's left DS with me despite coming and asking me 4 or 5 times if I'm going to "allow" him then getting angry when I say no, and demanding why and me calmly explaining I don't think he's capable of ensuring his safety or looking after him when his older child is around.
So I've been forbidden from taking him any where either apparently.

Just before he left he came and said I 've really upset his mother. She's crying. Which is laughable. He's been every Tuesday to see his older DC since our son was born and never once taken him or invited us along to join their "family" dinners. She hasn't cared then.

He's also said he's now not leaving and going to go to London for rest of week as would normally.

OP posts:

2DogsOnMySofa · 08/03/2022 15:23

Well done for taking a few steps towards living a life outside of an abusive home.

Things are just things, local charity places and free sites are a gold mine when kitting out a house. You'd be surprised with what you can live without.

Re your stbx, his huffing and puffing about your dc is just that, he's trying to use his child against you. The easiest thing to do is to just drop the rope. You don't want me to take our dc out, ok then, here you go, I'm off out (when Ss isn't in the house). He's going to threaten 50/50. You say ok that'll be great, I can grab some work and get a bit if my social life back. When they realise the threats aren't working, he'll soon be expecting you to do all the child rearing

I couldn't see, but are you married?

femfemlicious · 08/03/2022 15:27

@sadpapercourtesan

How bloody horrible to breate the OP for being pregnant

She's married, pregnancy happens. Contraception isn't foolproof. Not everybody feels able to have a termination, and NO woman should ever feel pressure to do so (especially not from randoms on MN). Feelings aren't necessarily linear either. Life is messy.

OP I don't have much sensible advice for you, other than that you are not the dysfunctional one here and there is nothing illogical about how you are feeling. You're being treated like crap by everyone in this family.

Shes not married

sadpapercourtesan · 08/03/2022 15:28

She's in a long-term relationship - the point is the same.

excelledyourself · 08/03/2022 16:13

She's not married

The fact that this is the only one you acknowledged out of all those valid points really speaks volumes.

Original poster

nadgersbadgers · 08/03/2022 16:46

@femfemlicious what has being married got to do with it? I know it's an absolute cluster fuck but I don't think a wedding would have made a notch of difference.

OP posts:

MeridianB · 08/03/2022 18:06

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Considering the hose incident and your 'D'Hs abusive behaviour it's time to break up.

Your son isn't safe.

You aren't happy.

You and your husband aren't on the same page or working as a team.

This isn't a healthy environment for the kids to grow up in.

It isn't a healthy environment for you to be living in.

Resentment will grow between you and your husband and as DSS moves into tween and teen years this will be a disaster with your own DS as collateral damage.

On top of this, he is abusive as you say he's made threats to keep you inside, he's got a vicious temper and he will turn nasty quickly.

This means you need to still break up but with safeguards in place. To do this I would suggest you call women's aid for their advice and guidance.

All of this. He’s an abusive pig and you and your babies deserve better. Please seek help from Women’s Aid.

ProfFloss · 08/03/2022 18:29

Only on MN can someone ignore the relevant points to make a big deal about someone is married or not - no doubt to bang the ‘you’re not a step parent unless you’re married’ drum.
When will posters realise you don’t need the paper and ring to be a step parent!

Porcupineintherough · 09/03/2022 18:20

Ok you have limited choices here.

You can stay together and work things out or you can split. As you partner doesnt seem like a very "work things out" kind of guy I can see why splitting might be your only option.

If you split you are not going to be able to stop your dh taking your children to his parents house. So just let go of that idea, it is what it is.

Your step son is really not the problem here, hes in an impossible position. The fact you're having kids and bringing up kids in the middle if a car crash relationship is a major problem.

nozbottheblue · 09/03/2022 22:16

@ProfFloss

Only on MN can someone ignore the relevant points to make a big deal about someone is married or not - no doubt to bang the ‘you’re not a step parent unless you’re married’ drum. When will posters realise you don’t need the paper and ring to be a step parent!

I was thinking the questions about marital status were because it will make a difference to OP’s rights on separation and divorce.

Hope all are safe and well, OP.

Tattler2 · 10/03/2022 11:45

I think that people ask questions or make references to marital status because it makes a difference in the ease of exiting a situation as well as the legal rights and obligations that are in place regarding the dissolution of the marriage and the splitting of assets.

Anyone who chooses to can declare themselves to be a step parent or spouse, but in legal proceedings it takes more than a self declaration to have spousal status and the legal protections that follow. So it can make a difference in the type of advice one might offer.

SandyY2K · 11/03/2022 23:58

OP, I shuddered when I read the hose incident. The whole list was bad, but that was horrific.
I'm so sorry you went through the distress and your poor baby.

How can a 1 year old and 6 year old have a play water fight. That's just ridiculous. I would have gone ballistic.

Another place to get free or cheap furniture is Schpock. You will be so much better out of there.

I've suggested to DP we change arrangements so children not here together so his son gets his dad to himself. He said no.

Just do it. You don't need his agreement. Let your DH handle the 7 year old so by himself, with no other kids... then he can see his difficult his son is.

Your partner is horribly abusive and utterly useless as a parent and partner. You need to do everything you can in regards to ensure your son is safe if his dad has him. Seek advice from domestic abuse organisations.

I wish you all the best.

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 14/03/2022 22:08

How are you doing OP?

Frankola · 15/03/2022 20:06

@User89174648495

Were you the other woman?

Bloody hell. First comment out of the traps.

Typical.

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