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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

School holidays with SC and DC

140 replies

Gottamakesense · 01/03/2022 23:38

Just wondering how any other working mums with SC figure this one out...

We have SD9 50:50 and the arrangement has recently changed so we have her for all school holidays (we used to split these). I take my holiday days in school holidays when my older DC is not in nursery. I also have a 1 year old DC. These days off are valuable as I work very long hours during the week and we have SD Thursday to Monday every week, so I don't get time with my DC on a standard week.

Now that SD will be here for all holidays, I am not sure how I will get any down time or 1:1 time with my own DC. I get on well with SD but she is very hyperactive (possible SEN) so when here activities centre around her.

Entertaining her usually falls to me as I do most care for DC during school holidays, although her dad is also there too. I now foresee spending all my future holidays entertaining SD and not giving much attention to my own DC, let alone any 1:1 time.

I don't really know what to do to get a chance to bond with my own DC in this situation. Any suggestions?

OP posts:

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Original poster

Gottamakesense · 01/03/2022 23:43

I should have mentioned that DH works shorter hours than me, so he does get 1:1 time with each 3 children during the week.

OP posts:

Mummywantsaweewee · 01/03/2022 23:44

I’m not a stepmum but could your husband not take your stepdaughter out just him and her? Then you get alone time with your children, or you could take your children out on your own? Possibly go see your parents too so you get a cuppa and they see their grandkids? I’m sure your stepdaughter would enjoy the 1-2-1 time with her dad too.

Or even just separate time at home, you could be with your own children doing a movie night or something in one of their rooms and your husband could do something your stepdaughter likes doing?

negomi90 · 01/03/2022 23:50

If you are having her the whole holidays, could you find an activity/club she enjoys and put her in either a day a week for the whole holiday or daily for a week?
She gets to do something fun, you get a break.

Original poster

Gottamakesense · 01/03/2022 23:57

DH taking her for a day out, or booking activities some days, would be a good solution. However, I am not sure she will want to do an activity and might want to stay home. I would feel mean taking both younger DC out without DSC. DH doing a more grown up activity with SD would work as no one is being left out.

OP posts:

KindlyKanga · 02/03/2022 06:59

Entertaining her usually falls to me as I do most care for DC during school holidays

Was this change in pattern discussed with you?

KindlyKanga · 02/03/2022 07:00

Oops sorry posted too soon. Seems off to change the pattern to one where you'll be doing more

Bdhntbis · 02/03/2022 07:02

Perhaps use holiday club or a sports club; you can sell it to her as something exciting and fun and it would help with her active she is

KindlyKanga · 02/03/2022 07:08

If her dad is there too he needs to step up with entertaining and caring for the DSC. You could think of things to do with your DC out the house every so often?

Maxiedog123 · 02/03/2022 07:10

Maybe sports club type activities for SD on holidays, so she is getting something fun to do while you spend time with the younger ones.

WindyKnickers · 02/03/2022 07:11

If you have her Thursday to Monday presumably she is elsewhere 3 nights a week?

Howshouldibehave · 02/03/2022 07:12

If you’re having her Thursday to Monday every week and all holidays, that’s more than 50/50, isn’t it? Or are you saying it used to be 50/50 but is now changing?

Why’s that?

Did the 2 parents discuss this with you-this plan relies entirely on you doing all childcare for them?

Maxiedog123 · 02/03/2022 07:12

Why does her other parent not have her at all during the holidays? Even during the long summer holidays for part of it?

KindlyKanga · 02/03/2022 07:13

Did the 2 parents discuss this with you-this plan relies entirely on you doing all childcare for them? that is my first thought. The parents seem to have found a free holiday childcare solution in the form of OP. Although she does say dad is there in the holidays too.

timeisnotaline · 02/03/2022 07:13

Did you agree to the change in pattern? Or did your dh decide you could do this? I would put my older child in holiday club for a few days, picking days that looked like fun activities, so I could also have time with the youngest, and these are all my dc with dh and the age gap is less. In your situation I’d say to dh that he needs to work it out so you have say 2 days a week with youngest (unless you did agree this new arrangement is fine)

Wnkingawalrus · 02/03/2022 07:14

Holiday clubs are your friend here. She will need to spend some time with kids her own age anyway.

Maxiedog123 · 02/03/2022 07:16

Does the other parent never take holidays from work and spend them with SD, poor kid.

LoudSnoringDog · 02/03/2022 07:16

Why are you having her EVERY school holiday?

KindlyKanga · 02/03/2022 07:16

Its also an odd pattern for DSC.
Is there a lot of distance involved?

KindlyKanga · 02/03/2022 07:17

Or is Dad a teacher and Mum a holiday club worker? Or something like that.

BeHappy91818 · 02/03/2022 07:18

Take your DC out for the day. Your DH should be looking after her in school
Holidays.

TuscanApothecary · 02/03/2022 07:20

This sounds very unfair for you OP.

Did you have any input into this change?

Classicblunder · 02/03/2022 07:28

Holiday clubs. I intend to use them for my son even though I don't need to - just good for him to do things with other kids and the summer holidays are so long!

Don't present it as a choice, just as something she will obviously need to do and will enjoy

ChoiceMummy · 02/03/2022 07:32

Are the younger two children your ohs children or children from a previous relationship?

ChoiceMummy · 02/03/2022 07:33

Do you work full time? How about your oh?

KindlyKanga · 02/03/2022 07:34

If she's with you all the time in the holidays you are going to see more of her than her own mother as she goes to school in term time.

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