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Original poster

WWYD - DSS

169 replies

crockpot29 · 19/02/2022 11:56

NC just in case

My DSS is 10 and spends every school holiday with us. When he comes he stays on a blowup bed in my DS room who is a teenager.

Since i've met DSS he has wet the bed. I continuously bring it up with DH but he brushes it off and says he will grow out of it. His mum complains that he wets the bed and her house stinks because he hides it.

I don't have a relationship with her so all questions go through DH but i have asked has she never brought him to DR's to get checked as to my knowledge this isn't normal.

I used to be quite strict with him and would stop drinks late evening and wake him to go toilet like i would when my children were younger but then i started to feel like a evil stepmother because they make him do what the fuck he wants.

TBH it's really starting to piss me off because i think it could be managed if his lazy parents wake him to go piss or put some consequences in place. Mum at home spoils him with gaming devices and when he comes here granted it's holiday but he spends 10 hours a day on them (ipad, switch, laptop) she sends them all - at home he also has gaming pc and playstation.

Just a rant really but what would you do?

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Bakewelltart987 · 19/02/2022 13:08

Also please get him a bed so he actually feels welcome in his dads home a blow up bed just isn't good enough if he's staying a few weeks at a time bunk beds for your dc an him is a good start.

Original poster
crockpot29 · 19/02/2022 13:09

@user1471530109

OP is he really sleeping in a blowup mattress? Is there really no other way the poor kid can have a proper bed? Sad
No there isn't. Fancy buying us a house?
OP posts:
crockpot29 · 19/02/2022 13:10

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PolkaSpace · 19/02/2022 13:13

DH needs to step up

Original poster
crockpot29 · 19/02/2022 13:13

ALSO FYI

He has just had his school residential trip and didn't wet the bed there. He has lots of friends on both sides and never complains about being bullied other than fell out with XYZ today because of XYZ and the next day they'll be best friends again

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 19/02/2022 13:14

He doesn’t need to know his full address to book a dr’s appointment (although I assume his son knows where he lives and therefore your DH could just ask him Hmm) - he uses your address and takes him as a temporary patient.

CheshireChat · 19/02/2022 13:15

His dad needs to take him to the Dr.

Original poster
crockpot29 · 19/02/2022 13:15

@PotteringAlong

He doesn’t need to know his full address to book a dr’s appointment (although I assume his son knows where he lives and therefore your DH could just ask him Hmm) - he uses your address and takes him as a temporary patient.
Didn't know that about temporary patient. Useful. Thanks
OP posts:
CheshireChat · 19/02/2022 13:16

Or his dad needs to contact ERIC, they're a charity specialising in this.

PotteringAlong · 19/02/2022 13:16

@crockpot29 I’ve taken my own children as temporary patients when they had an ear infection and I was at my parents. You just have to fill a form in.

Original poster
crockpot29 · 19/02/2022 13:17

@PotteringAlong

He doesn’t need to know his full address to book a dr’s appointment (although I assume his son knows where he lives and therefore your DH could just ask him Hmm) - he uses your address and takes him as a temporary patient.
Just on this again. Do you think we could take him to our GP as a temporary patient?
OP posts:
PolkaSpace · 19/02/2022 13:18

Just on this again. Do you think we could take him to our GP as a temporary patient? yes

NerrSnerr · 19/02/2022 13:20

@crockpot29 what would happen if he got tonsillitis, a UTI or something in your care? Just shrug and say you can't take him to to the doctors?

HopefulRose · 19/02/2022 13:20

@crockpot29 your lack of compassion is deeply troubling. This is the son of your partner you are speaking about. Imagine how humiliating it must feel for him as a ten year old boy to have this problem, particularly when he has no private space of his own in your home.

He is a vulnerable child and as one of his care providers, the responsibility comes down to you as one of the adults to make him feel comfortable.

You should be approaching this situation with kindness and empathy. It's a major red flag you don't have an open line of communication with his mum. If it's bothering you why don't you reach out to her and set up a call to make that contact? Solving problems like this will be easier if you're on the same side.

titchy · 19/02/2022 13:20

Why can't he have a proper bed? Or mattress? You can get truckle beds which slide under your ds's existing bed. Or buy a bunk bed. Or if there's space just buy a single bed.

NerrSnerr · 19/02/2022 13:22

How many years has he been coming to you? If it's every school holiday it's about 12 weeks a year. He really needs a bed.

HopefulRose · 19/02/2022 13:22

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Original poster
crockpot29 · 19/02/2022 13:23

[quote NerrSnerr]@crockpot29 what would happen if he got tonsillitis, a UTI or something in your care? Just shrug and say you can't take him to to the doctors? [/quote]
We've taken him a&e before. Haven't had to think about uti etc as it hasn't happened. Guess i'd search your name and ask for your useful advise 🙄

OP posts:
Hb12 · 19/02/2022 13:23

He is covering his shame by making out he can't be arsed. He wouldn't be trying to hide it if he wasn't bothered.

Consequences? Shame and punishment have no effect on hormone production.

He needs to be seen by a doctor and referred to enuresis clinic. My daughter is 11 and still takes desmopressin nightly. It isn't normal but it is within the bounds of normal. They will grow out of it.

Do you genuinely think a 10 year old simultaneously doesn't care enough to see the bed, but cares enough to try to hide it?

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 19/02/2022 13:24

Have a look at the Eric website, lots of information there about bed wetting (which is actually less uncommon than you think, even at age 10).
My ex lives 8 hours from me, if ds needed to see a doctor while there he saw his df’s gp as a temporary patient.
But please.. don’t call a poor child with an embarrassing medical problem “disgusting” he will pick up that you feel that way, which is heartbreaking. Sad

Original poster
crockpot29 · 19/02/2022 13:25

@titchy

Why can't he have a proper bed? Or mattress? You can get truckle beds which slide under your ds's existing bed. Or buy a bunk bed. Or if there's space just buy a single bed.
There is no space for a permanent bed. NEXT!

He's not on the floor, he's had a soldier type bed before and we had to chuck it because it stinks.

OP posts:
Original poster
crockpot29 · 19/02/2022 13:26

@NerrSnerr

How many years has he been coming to you? If it's every school holiday it's about 12 weeks a year. He really needs a bed.
2 weeks in summer 1 easter And the half terms
OP posts:
Hb12 · 19/02/2022 13:27

Surely sleeping on an air bed for that long at a time is pretty uncomfortable?

lunar1 · 19/02/2022 13:31

I'm sure your partners son knows his own address if it's needed.

You have compartmentalised your life to see his behaviour as a partner and his behaviour as a parent separately.

That doesn't mean he is two separate people, he is a negligent parent. I'm sure calling some of us wenches makes you feel better, but it doesn't change the facts.

This should have been investigated by healthcare professionals long before secondary school was approaching.

sadpapercourtesan · 19/02/2022 13:34

  1. He needs a proper bed. He's a member of the family, not a random guest. If there's space for your son's bed, there's space for bunk beds.

  2. He needs to see a doctor about the enuresis. With boys it's usually a physical maturity thing, and no amount of shaming and punishing will change it. You will only do him damage that way.

  3. your posting manner is quite aggressive.