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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

WWYD - DSS

169 replies

crockpot29 · 19/02/2022 11:56

NC just in case

My DSS is 10 and spends every school holiday with us. When he comes he stays on a blowup bed in my DS room who is a teenager.

Since i've met DSS he has wet the bed. I continuously bring it up with DH but he brushes it off and says he will grow out of it. His mum complains that he wets the bed and her house stinks because he hides it.

I don't have a relationship with her so all questions go through DH but i have asked has she never brought him to DR's to get checked as to my knowledge this isn't normal.

I used to be quite strict with him and would stop drinks late evening and wake him to go toilet like i would when my children were younger but then i started to feel like a evil stepmother because they make him do what the fuck he wants.

TBH it's really starting to piss me off because i think it could be managed if his lazy parents wake him to go piss or put some consequences in place. Mum at home spoils him with gaming devices and when he comes here granted it's holiday but he spends 10 hours a day on them (ipad, switch, laptop) she sends them all - at home he also has gaming pc and playstation.

Just a rant really but what would you do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

crockpot29 · 19/02/2022 16:07

@Olive19741205

Your a peach aren't you honestly your attitude is utterly vile on here. Your dh isn't giving him the bare minimum of a bed, would you make your own child sleep on a blow up

My god. The things people look for to be 'outraged' about on here are hilarious. My kids/step-kids/friends for sleepvers) actually fight over who gets the (double) blow up bed. I've even slept on it a few times. They are very comfortable, what exactly is the problem with them?

Literally slept on it in the living room for 10 days when i had to isolate. No issues at all and i'm probable triple his weight

OP posts:

Original poster

crockpot29 · 19/02/2022 16:09

@PeeAche

Just walked down the high street with him and said what we going to do about it kid. For the first time he has said to ME he didn't feel it. This would match a pp experience about them not knowing and maybe the don't care bravado wake fake.

Yeah, he doesn't want to admit it's out of his control. (Who among us would at that age?) But it almost certainly is out of his control and he just needs his grown ups to acknowledge it and help him.
Good luck with getting home sorted out, OP.

Now if anyone can help me to get any of the children in my house to flush away their turds, that would be a Mumsnet miracle...

Thank you.

😂🤣 i'll save that for next Saturday's post

OP posts:

PolkaSpace · 19/02/2022 16:35

I had the dsc not flushing the loo problem I just called it out each time

T00Ts · 19/02/2022 16:41

@Bananarama21

Calling posters wrenches is appalling they were offering valid advice.

Oh ffs. Stop trying to rally your troops. 🙄

Briarshollow · 19/02/2022 16:45

OP, good luck sorting this out. I hope you can get his parents to do something.

Honestly, the boy’s mother has been praised for doing everything even though she has done fuck all about this bed wetting situation, the father has been slammed for not doing enough, fair enough, but despite the OP being the only one seemingly proactively trying to sort it and asking for advice, she’s criticised the most, and more so when she gets understandably defensive at a hammering. Some posters are off their rockers.

LittleOwl153 · 19/02/2022 17:01

Parent of a 10/11/1×yr old bedwetting hear!

You can take ANY visitor to your house to your GP if required. They fill in a visiting patient form. It would be helpful if DS could fill in his address for this but not vital.

Bedwetting is not unheard of at this age although there is little anyone will do - as it is still a case of growing out of it.

From experience I would suggest you invest in 2 very good waterproof sheets. For girls I'd suggest looking at things like brolly sheets but boys have less 'aim'. But they might be still of use if he's relatively small. I'd then have a spare duvet/cover and sheet set made up at the side of the bed with some spare PJ'S so he can change when needed. If you use single bed duvets the whole lot can go in the washer. (We had many cheap ones)

When he wets I'd ask that he strips the bed and puts the bedding with his pj's in a specific place. In our house, that place is the bath. But make it somewhere you will see it - so it doesn't get left. Mine did this from aged 7 - no recriminations just needs to be cleaned up.

In terms of drink restricting- don't. It doesn't work. What I would advise is cutting out completely fruit shoots (and non branded equivalents) and dark (blackcurrant etc) squashes. They are a bugger on the bladder!

Finally look at his sleep. If he's tried he is less likely to wake and sleep heavily. Mine now sorts our school trips etc by not sleeping for more than about 7 hours. It means they are knackered when they get home but no issues at school.

Good luck OP - it's a big job but he will thank you for getting it right!

LittleOwl153 · 19/02/2022 17:05

Oh and if he's talking to you about it - talk to him. Tell him what's been suggested and agree with him what to try.

(There are meds desmopressin? They work for some and not for others. But won't solve the problem entirely.)

PolkaSpace · 19/02/2022 17:06

I wouldn't talk to him about it walking down the high street tbh unless it was 100% empty. What if his school mates heard you. Your high street may vary obviously

Original poster

crockpot29 · 19/02/2022 17:32

@Briarshollow

OP, good luck sorting this out. I hope you can get his parents to do something.

Thank you, appreciated

OP posts:

AcrossthePond55 · 19/02/2022 17:34

@TuscanApothecary

I couldn't imagine being the OPS teenage son listening to dss wee in a bottle at night though *@AcrossthePond55*. Thats not going to be a nice experience for him.

No, but if I were him, I'd like it a lot better than my room smelling of wee. Or worse, seeing a wet quilt laying on my floor in the morning.

LightfoldEngines · 19/02/2022 17:38

One of my siblings regularly wet the bed until she hit puberty. GP, hospital, nobody could explain it.

DD is 11 and wets the bed because she’s Autistic and doesn’t know when she needs to go.

Your DP is a poor parent, not only for not seeking medical advice about this, but for not buying a damn bunk bed so his child can have an actual bed.

Willyoujustbequiet · 19/02/2022 17:41

You need to get the poor kid a proper bed.

Google space saving ideas and stop making excuses.

HeckyPeck · 19/02/2022 17:41

Well done OP for stepping up and trying to get something done when neither of his parents can be bothered to.

Your DSS is lucky to have you in his corner.

HeckyPeck · 19/02/2022 17:44

Your DP is a poor parent, not only for not seeking medical advice about this, but for not buying a damn bunk bed so his child can have an actual bed.

I agree re the medical advice, but not all rooms can have bunk beds. One of our bedrooms has slanted ceilings so while a single bed would fit in, a bunk bed wouldn't.

LightfoldEngines · 19/02/2022 17:47

@HeckyPeck

Your DP is a poor parent, not only for not seeking medical advice about this, but for not buying a damn bunk bed so his child can have an actual bed.

I agree re the medical advice, but not all rooms can have bunk beds. One of our bedrooms has slanted ceilings so while a single bed would fit in, a bunk bed wouldn't.

There’s also trundle beds.

It not difficult to give this child a bed, OP doesn’t want to and nor does her DP.

Original poster

crockpot29 · 19/02/2022 17:52

@PolkaSpace

I wouldn't talk to him about it walking down the high street tbh unless it was 100% empty. What if his school mates heard you. Your high street may vary obviously

Lives 4 hours away... no chance and wasn't shouting it in shops. Literally walking down the hill

OP posts:

Coffeetree · 19/02/2022 17:52

One of my best friends has a serious kidney disease and by the time he got proper treatment it had advanced until the damage was irreversible. He got a kidney transplant at age 28.

It manifested in his childhood as constant accidents, which he attempted to cover up because his parents reacted with frustration and disgust. If they'd been more compassionate and given him treatment and care, he wouldn't have had to go on dialysis in his 20s.

Original poster

crockpot29 · 19/02/2022 17:52

@Willyoujustbequiet

You need to get the poor kid a proper bed.

Google space saving ideas and stop making excuses.

And put where clown?!

OP posts:

Original poster

crockpot29 · 19/02/2022 17:54

@HeckyPeck

Well done OP for stepping up and trying to get something done when neither of his parents can be bothered to.

Your DSS is lucky to have you in his corner.

Thank you. It will be a group effort when we're all on the same page. I have received some really useful advise today so can pass on to all parties

OP posts:

Original poster

crockpot29 · 19/02/2022 17:55

@LightfoldEngines is that all you have to offer. Bore off

OP posts:

HeckyPeck · 19/02/2022 17:55

There’s also trundle beds.

It not difficult to give this child a bed, OP doesn’t want to and nor does her DP.

Surely it's more likely that the reason is trundle beds take up more room (with the frame etc) than OP (who is the only one trying to do something about her stepson's health issues) is spitefully refusing him a bed?!

brainhurts · 19/02/2022 18:05

Hi op , so glad your helping your DSS , my DD wet the bed until 11 she was on medication in the end . It was all to do with puberty kick starting the hormones . If it's medical a doctor can help , if it's just lazyness maybe sit down with DSS and explain how happy it makes you when he doesn't wet the bed and how proud you were when he managed it the last visit and on holiday. Maybe a special award if he's dry ,it sounds like you have a good relationship and he will welcome your praise and encouragement.

Original poster

crockpot29 · 19/02/2022 18:06

@HeckyPeck

There’s also trundle beds.

It not difficult to give this child a bed, OP doesn’t want to and nor does her DP.

Thank you.

Whats funny is we had a bunk bed in our old flat. Neither of the boys liked sleeping on top bunk (it was always fun for us as kids) 🤷‍♀️ they preferred to sleep top and tail on bottom bunk until there was a accident.... he has never ever complained, asked why or even sulked about sleeping on a flipping expensive blowup bed that's probably thicker than my DS mattress x

OP posts:

Soontobe60 · 19/02/2022 18:13

@user1471530109

OP is he really sleeping in a blowup mattress? Is there really no other way the poor kid can have a proper bed?

This strikes me as a really poor choice. He’s treated like a troublesome visitor. He needs a proper bed, proper parenting, not just left to play on his devices all day every day. His father should take him to the GP.

Ttcfinalbub · 19/02/2022 18:14

I would say he needs to see a doctor tbh. Could be anything from an issue with his bladder to diabetes. Your oh needs to sort that out with his mum hopefully ASAP to rule out anything medical related then decide on a supportive plan from there.

In first hand saying he can't be bothered doesn't ring true to me I think he's trying to cover up or he's been asked about it that many times he just made up answers.

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