Find this really annoying

[Taptap20]

I know I'll get told I'm terribly unreasonable because it's their house etc etc...

My step children have started just sitting downstairs glued to their phones playing games ALL EVENING.

It's really annoying me.

I actually wouldn't mind if we were doing something together like watching a film or something but they don't even speak they just sit... Playing on their phones.

And it then means we can't do anything like watch our TV show or have more adult conversations.

They stay 50:50 so I know I get the other half of the week but I literally work all day, I just want an hour in the evening to watch my show or have a conversation with DH. It would be different if they were actually interacting but they don't they just sit there all night not talking.

Why can't you watch your programme with them there? I watch telly with my teenagers in the room on their phones/laptops. Adult conversations - yes, as they've got older we've had less private time and had to adapt. We go for long walks together, we talk in bed or when they're not here.

I know you're looking for responses from stepparents and I'm sure you'll get them, but some of this really is just sharing living space with teenagers. It's an adjustment as they go to bed later and spend more time in your space, you don't get an adult "evening" any more. I know the trope is that teenagers shut themselves away upstairs, but mine never have and I'm glad of it. Their rooms are there if they need space, but we never encouraged them to stay there. It's healthier for them to seek out human company (and it is company, even if they're on their phones), I wouldn't want to discourage that.

They aren't teenagers.

Why can’t you watch tv? If they’re on their phones and not interacting they can do that in their room and leave the communal space for communal activities. I have near teen DSC and wouldn’t put up with this.

It’s your house too and with shared care you’re not standing on ceremony for occasional visitors.

They're younger children? Don't they have a bedtime?

When do they go to bed?

How old are they?

What’s the issue? Are they sitting on the TV watching sofa or something? Surely you can ask them to budge over and just put the TV on?! Why isn’t your husband dealing with it in any case?

@AnneLovesGilbert

Why can’t you watch tv? If they’re on their phones and not interacting they can do that in their room and leave the communal space for communal activities. I have near teen DSC and wouldn’t put up with this.

It’s your house too and with shared care you’re not standing on ceremony for occasional visitors.

Because my husband never asks them to go upstairs and I feel like the evil cow if I ask because they say they don't want to.

Unless I literally sit there watching PG TV all the time, I can't just watch whatever with them sat there.

DH is rubbish with bed times. He won't even hint at them going upstairs until gone 9:30pm by which point it's not long before we all need to be going up when we're up so early.

My dc aren't allowed games with noise in our front room. It's for TV watching only.

@RoyKentsChestHair

What’s the issue? Are they sitting on the TV watching sofa or something? Surely you can ask them to budge over and just put the TV on?! Why isn’t your husband dealing with it in any case?

We do have the TV on. But I can't just sit there watching an adult TV show can I? Unless I want to watch the Simpsons or come dine with me every night.

I'm sorry, the four of you sit there in silence apart from the two teenagers on their phones?

Put your television on fgs. Talk away. If they're watching loud content they can use earbuds, headphones, subbies or use their own rooms.

That's what my own DC had to do.

ON THE OTHER HAND:

What is 'adult conversation'? Is there a drip feed coming?

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

My dc aren't allowed games with noise in our front room. It's for TV watching only.

It's not noisy. But they are just... There. All the time. Meaning me and DH can't just unwind and catch up on the show we've been watching or whatever.

Just constantly sat there. But not interacting at all.

It does just sound like life with older kids to me, I'm afraid. Your DH probably doesn't want them shutting themselves away in their rooms. They're not actually doing you any harm by sitting there on their phones, are they? You might just have to watch your non-PG stuff during the evenings when they aren't there.

Ah sorry, x-posted.

They're young children.

@SpinningTheSeedsOfLove

I'm sorry, the four of you sit there in silence apart from the two teenagers on their phones?

Put your television on fgs. Talk away. If they're watching loud content they can use earbuds, headphones, subbies or use their own rooms.

That's what my own DC had to do.

ON THE OTHER HAND:

What is 'adult conversation'? Is there a drip feed coming?

I didn't say we sit there in silence. We have the TV on. But it obviously has to be age appropriate if they are just sat there all the time.

Can't just whack GoT on for example with two primary/early secondary kids sat in the room.

It's the standard response on MN "why can't they be in the room" "why can't you watch TV with them there". You're not allowed to suggest that you might want to relax into your evening and watch something that isn't appropriate for kids. I honestly don't see the harm in kids going to watch their devices in their room later in the evening but you're the devil incarnate if you say such a thing out loud!

Currently, I'm watching Pam & Tommy on Disney+. I wouldn't watch that with my 9-year-old stepdaughter in the room so I have to wait for her to go to bed - which she doesn't do until 9.30 pm, so I understand your frustration - especially as she is sitting there watching YouTube on an iPad. To be fair, I have a 16-year-old DC and I wouldn't sit and watch it with them either...but we also watch a lot of crime, murder programmes that aren't suitable.

So my choice is to ask them to go upstairs to watch whatever they are watching or playing or never watch anything I want to, ever.

That's what I don't get. Like if we were all doing something together then fair enough. But just sat there not talking on their phones? Go and do it in your room?

And I also get you on the not interacting. We've tried actually putting on stuff everyone might watch, or a 'family film' but after about 20 mins they've lost interest and are just itching to get back to their own screens. Then if they sit with the screens in the room, we'll put on something that is appropriate but they don't even talk to us anyway!

Don’t blame them, blame their passive parent who has done nothing to limit screen time or set up a decent bed time routine.

You seem to be avoiding the question how old are they?

"Come on, kids, it's nearly 9 pm and dad and I want an hour to ourselves before bedtime. Off to your rooms now."

What would happen if you said that?

@Taptap20

That's what I don't get. Like if we were all doing something together then fair enough. But just sat there not talking on their phones? Go and do it in your room?

Do you never just like being around people you love, even if you're working on different things, or one of you is reading? They want to be around their father rather than shut away in separate rooms. It's not for ever, the time will come when they're out all the time and don't give you the time of day (my youngest is nearly 18 and I barely see him any more)

I have come across posters (parents rather than stepparents, but in this particular case I don't think it makes much difference) who send their older kids upstairs in the evening so they can have "adult time". I think it's weird, and hostile, and I wonder what their kids feel about it.

@HollowTalk

"Come on, kids, it's nearly 9 pm and dad and I want an hour to ourselves before bedtime. Off to your rooms now."

What would happen if you said that?

Mumsnet would combust.

I think it’s nice they are spending time with their dad, even if they are sat on their phones. I used to sit downstairs and read at both my mum and dad’s houses because I liked the company without constant chat.

Ideally he should be engaging with them too, but then feeling comfortable sitting downstairs is a hell of a lot more important than you catching up on adult TV.

Put something mild on with a bit of kissing, no sex obviously and they might go 'ewwwww' and walk off in disgust. I know my daughter hated seeing any kissing on the tv before puberty .

@CornishGem1975

And I also get you on the not interacting. We've tried actually putting on stuff everyone might watch, or a 'family film' but after about 20 mins they've lost interest and are just itching to get back to their own screens. Then if they sit with the screens in the room, we'll put on something that is appropriate but they don't even talk to us anyway!

That's what's annoying. I have to watch something "appropriate" for kids which I don't really want to watch even though they aren't even watching it anyway.

And they aren't "spending time with their Dad" they literally just sit there glued to a screen in silence.