Page 3 | Find this really annoying

Taptap20 · 2022-02-09T20:30:03+00:00

I know I'll get told I'm terribly unreasonable because it's their house etc etc... My step children have started just sitting downstairs glued to their phones playing games ALL EVENING. It's really annoying me. I actually wouldn't mind if we were doing something together like watching a film or something but they don't even speak they just sit... Playing on their phones. And it then means we can't do anything like watch our TV show or have more adult conversations. They stay 50:50 so I know I get the other half of the week but I literally work all day, I just want an hour in the evening to watch my show or have a conversation with DH. It would be different if they were actually interacting but they don't they just sit there all night not talking.

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

WTF475878237NC · 09/02/2022 21:08

Doesn't sound petty at all. Sounds like your DH cannot be arsed talking to you or interacting as a couple (or with the kids) and is zoning out of family life himself.

AndSoFinally · 09/02/2022 21:10

Annoying. Mine are 9 and 11 and they go upstairs at 7:30/7:45 for bed and asleep by 9.

Can you not suggest this to DH? It's your house too, and I think it's quite a good routine for kids

deerison · 09/02/2022 21:17

Have you spoken to your partner about it? Sounds like he needs to be more active in his parenting. I have a 10 year old who doesn't have a phone yet and has screen time limited. At 8pm we take him and younger sibling upstairs to get ready for bed and then read them a story each. He then reads in bed until after 9 before sleeping. It means time together, reading and then downstairs is free from 9 or from 8 if not involved in bedtime.

But it is definitely adult led. If we didn't take them up, they would happily sit watching tv until it was time for breakfast

busyeatingbiscuits · 09/02/2022 21:40

The problem is they don't have a bedtime.

Have dinner together, play a game or something and then send the 9 year old up to get ready for bed at 8.30pm, send the 11 year old up at 9pm and then you can watch whatever you want.

bongobingo43 · 09/02/2022 21:42

@LethargicActress

Don’t blame them, blame their passive parent who has done nothing to limit screen time or set up a decent bed time routine.

Exactly this.

Most 9 & 11 year olds would do this given half the chance...it's not them you should be annoyed with. They're acting like normal kids but the difference is that their parent isn't dealing with it

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 09/02/2022 21:48

My 13 yo is in bed for 9!!

Finallylostit · 09/02/2022 21:53

It is not every day 365? YOu have a week when you can do what you want.

Put the TV on and watch what you want - if they don't like it - you may find they go elsewhere but expecting them to go upstairs every evening they are living in their home is unreasonable

SuPerDoPer · 09/02/2022 21:55

But it's their house too. I don't get why they aren't allowed to sit in a communal area of their own home. If you want them to engage more in family life then there's this thing called communication - where you or their father speaks to them about your concerns.

busyeatingbiscuits · 09/02/2022 21:56

9 & 11 year olds don't sit downstairs all evening in most houses though! They have bedtimes

Original poster

Taptap20 · 09/02/2022 22:02

I don't get people who say "just put the TV on and watch what you want".

What I want to watch is not appropriate for a 9&11 year old. MN is usually the place that balks at the idea of a 14 year old watching a 15 cert film and here people tell you to just "watch what you want on TV it doesn't matter". Obviously it does matter what I put on... 🤣

OP posts:

Original poster

Taptap20 · 09/02/2022 22:04

But it's their house too. I don't get why they aren't allowed to sit in a communal area of their own home

Because they have a huge room kitted out with all their stuff. The adults have no where else to go if they want to relax.

OP posts:

Original poster

Taptap20 · 09/02/2022 22:05

I literally can't go anywhere else. I can't use my room because the baby is asleep, I can't use the living room how I want because they are sat there all night and then the only other room in the house is theirs as well but they don't use it hardly.

Maybe I should just turn their bedroom into a communal area and use that? 🤣

OP posts:

refraction · 09/02/2022 22:07

I used to watch stuff on my ipad/laptop with headphones and sit in bed with my chocolate. Could you do something like this if you have had a bad day?

refraction · 09/02/2022 22:08

Or even in the living room with scree. Away from kids.

SlipperTripper · 09/02/2022 22:09

10yo DSD is in the front room with us of an evening, although after 8pm the TV is fair game for grown ups - she actually got very into property programmes, and was highly opinionated on 'you are what you eat' tonight!

She goes up to bed 8.30/9, so we watch anything unsuitable then and have learnt to hold off any sensible conversations until after then too. She's a master at looking like she's engrossed in a book, but you know she's earwigging cos the pages aren't turning... many wrong ends of sticks have been picked up and worried about this way 🙄

Dyrene · 09/02/2022 22:12

Do people really think that the children should be the only people who matter in the house?

It’s not like anyone is locking them in a shed. It would just be telling them to go and spend time in their own bedrooms sometimes so one of the people who pays the bills can watch something on tv.

Yet on MN, we’re all supposed to be grateful that the entire evening is dictated by what primary school age children want

bongobingo43 · 09/02/2022 22:12

@busyeatingbiscuits

9 & 11 year olds don't sit downstairs all evening in most houses though! They have bedtimes

I agree they don't, but they would if they were allowed. It's up to the parent to put rules/routine in place. OPs issue should be with her DH, but the kids

CrunchTime22 · 09/02/2022 22:17

The problem is not that they are DSC, it's that they don't have a bed time. I totally get that you want them upstairs earlier than that. May be now you've got a baby you can have a chat about parenting styles with DH on a more even footing?

Perhaps let the 11 YO stay up later one night a week to watch a programme you could both enjoy? One of mine used to stay up and watch The Apprentice at that age.

busyeatingbiscuits · 09/02/2022 22:17

@Taptap20

I literally can't go anywhere else. I can't use my room because the baby is asleep, I can't use the living room how I want because they are sat there all night and then the only other room in the house is theirs as well but they don't use it hardly.

Maybe I should just turn their bedroom into a communal area and use that? 🤣

Why don't you and your husband want them to have a bedtime though?

Original poster

Taptap20 · 09/02/2022 22:20

Where have I said I don't want them to have a bedtime?! I'd welcome that! It's not up to me though when they go to bed. Their Dad doesn't give them a set bed time. I've suggested he does before but I can't force him.

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LittleOwl153 · 09/02/2022 22:23

Does the baby not have a room? (Even if too little to sleep in there yet) I'm wondering if there is another space you can take over as your loving space. I feel similarly here and the kids are mine. I am trying to work out if I can convert the garage we only use as a junk room into my space...

Dyrene · 09/02/2022 22:25

@LittleOwl153

Does the baby not have a room? (Even if too little to sleep in there yet) I'm wondering if there is another space you can take over as your loving space. I feel similarly here and the kids are mine. I am trying to work out if I can convert the garage we only use as a junk room into my space...

But why?

It’s ok to say to your children that it’s time for them to go upstairs and relax there before bed at whichever point you decide you want your living room back.

busyeatingbiscuits · 09/02/2022 22:26

@Taptap20

Where have I said I don't want them to have a bedtime?! I'd welcome that! It's not up to me though when they go to bed. Their Dad doesn't give them a set bed time. I've suggested he does before but I can't force him.

Isn't it your house too? Sounds like you and your DH urgently need to have some discussions about parenting.

bongobingo43 · 09/02/2022 22:27

@Taptap20

Where have I said I don't want them to have a bedtime?! I'd welcome that! It's not up to me though when they go to bed. Their Dad doesn't give them a set bed time. I've suggested he does before but I can't force him.

You're right you can't force it but you can direct your anger/annoyance towards your DH rather than the kids who aren't doing anything any other 9 or 11 year old would do given half the chance

MaebeaorNot · 09/02/2022 22:28

Yes I agree with this completely!

FWIW I am a ‘first mum’ or whatever the appropriate way to term it is, and going through a nasty divorce - so can occasionally find posts on this board challenging (but good for me to hear a different perspective).

But, honestly OP you are completely within your rights to want an evening. I do too and make mine go upstairs at a reasonable time if they are just on phones. Obviously, if they are really interacting or playing a game or something will cut them some slack.