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Original poster

Find this really annoying

163 replies

Taptap20 · 09/02/2022 20:30

I know I'll get told I'm terribly unreasonable because it's their house etc etc...

My step children have started just sitting downstairs glued to their phones playing games ALL EVENING.

It's really annoying me.

I actually wouldn't mind if we were doing something together like watching a film or something but they don't even speak they just sit... Playing on their phones.

And it then means we can't do anything like watch our TV show or have more adult conversations.

They stay 50:50 so I know I get the other half of the week but I literally work all day, I just want an hour in the evening to watch my show or have a conversation with DH. It would be different if they were actually interacting but they don't they just sit there all night not talking.

OP posts:
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Original poster
Taptap20 · 09/02/2022 22:30

I'm not directing anger at anyone. I'm not angry at the kids. I said I find "it" as in the situation, annoying. Which it is.

OP posts:
MaebeaorNot · 09/02/2022 22:30

I have between 8.30 and 9.30 as a cut off whatever they are doing. They can stay up later in their rooms.

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/02/2022 22:30

If they’re primary, they ought to be in bed well before 9pm.

bongobingo43 · 09/02/2022 22:31

@Taptap20

I'm not directing anger at anyone. I'm not angry at the kids. I said I find "it" as in the situation, annoying. Which it is.
That's why I said anger/annoyance as I couldn't work out which it was.

It's your DH you should be annoyed with

Original poster
Taptap20 · 09/02/2022 22:34

I am annoyed with him. I also find it annoying. It's not one or the other nor is it blaming the kids. It's not their fault but it's still annoying 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
bongobingo43 · 09/02/2022 22:39

I don't disagree it's annoying but the one who should be making an effort to change it is your DH. So it's him you need to speak to,

Otherwise, rant away about how annoying it is but don't expect anything to change,

The resentment to the sc is obvious as it is and it's only going to get worse if nothing changes

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/02/2022 22:40

He needs to know how annoyed and put out you are. Your feelings matter too. I’d be asking why he thinks they don’t.

tunnocksreturns2019 · 09/02/2022 22:43

@AnneLovesGilbert

He needs to know how annoyed and put out you are. Your feelings matter too. I’d be asking why he thinks they don’t.
Agree with this. It’s not okay that they don’t have a proper bedtime, for their sake even more than yours
WinterOfOurDiscoTent · 09/02/2022 22:46

I'd just sit in my bedroom with an iPad and some headphones and eat my fancy chocolate in peace, leave them to it with their dad.

ExtraPlinky · 10/02/2022 02:30

Laptop or phone in the kitchen, pair of headphones. Glass of wine. Fridge for snacks. Bingo.

Flickflak · 10/02/2022 02:55

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NeesAndToes · 10/02/2022 06:59

@Taptap20

I am annoyed with him. I also find it annoying. It's not one or the other nor is it blaming the kids. It's not their fault but it's still annoying 🤷‍♀️
I hear you. They do need bed time. Even if it's a screens off up to your rooms to unwind and read time.
Canaloha · 10/02/2022 07:09

I agree that sounds annoying, sounds like he is just being lazy is not enforcing a bedtime, and although I know screentime is often the norm now perhaps not engaging them much. I know not ideal but I'd probably watch something on my tablet with headphones in, or try and arrange something for the evenings they're there with a friend or something.

Blendiful · 10/02/2022 08:14

We are a so called ‘hostile’ family according to some posts here then.

My own DC and DSC are often told to go and do stuff in their rooms. Living room TV is mainly ‘our’ tv - adults, unless we are all watching a show/film/football or something that we all like.

On an evening we feel the same, we want to relax and watch whatever we want, they all have tv/games/phones in their room to do stuff on and what we watch they either usually wouldn’t like or isn’t appropriate. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.

You need to speak to DH and he needs to tell them to go upstairs to do that.

People on MN think you should love to be around all kids all the time, especially step kids. Reality is we don’t, I like time away from both my step kids and my own kids! We do plenty of stuff together on most evenings we are out at an activity all togethe

cherrytreecottage · 10/02/2022 08:34

I agree with PP about the fact their dad needs to set them a bedtime. DSD2 is 13 and has a 9.30 bedtime. Both kids have to be off their phones an hour before bed but might watch tv in bed. With that routine, we didn't experience that issue during the week; however definitely did at the weekends! Bedtimes have always been pretty lax at the weekends so we used to find the kids would do exactly as yours do. However, DH then used to say to them "Right, if you're just going to sit there glued to your phone and not actually talk or interact...then why don't you go to one of your rooms so we can put on one of our programmes". That way, they had the option to put their phones down and have a conversation and if not, they knew we were going to do our own thing.

tiredofthisshit21 · 10/02/2022 09:13

Get yourself in the living room before they get in there and sprawl yourself out on the sofa so there's nowhere for them to sit - job done!

I feel your pain though. My stepkids know that the living room is 'my space'. To be fair there is another tv in the extension so they could watch that if they wanted to.

LindaEllen · 10/02/2022 09:14

What is it, exactly, that you want to watch? Would they really be paying attention if they're as absorbed in their phones as you say? There are so many things out there to watch that would be fine to have on with them in the room. Watch those things, and watch your X rated shows in the 50% of the time they're not there.

Sugartitsorahilly · 10/02/2022 09:18

If it's a school night and they're in primary they should be absolutely going up the stairs by 9 anyway.

vivainsomnia · 10/02/2022 10:20

They go at 9:30. Agree they go at 9:00 instead but introduce something nice for them, a special movie night eow on Saturday.

pinkyredrose · 10/02/2022 10:25

Where have I said I don't want them to have a bedtime?! I'd welcome that! It's not up to me though when they go to bed.

Confused of course it's up to you, it's your house!

SundaysinKernow · 10/02/2022 10:45

I have 8 & 11 yr old sc. They have set bedtimes so by 8:30 in the week, 9 on a weekend they are in bed. If we are all in the living room in the evening we watch something or play a game together. Wouldn’t allow them to just be on individual screens all evening. Gets more difficult as they get older. Just have to watch the unsuitable things after they have gone up.

ninjafoodienovice · 10/02/2022 10:56

Wow - you are so not being unreasonable.
You obviously have a DH problem.
I'm surprised that the 9 year old even has a phone.
During the week kids need a bed time or at least a go up to your room time and the 9 o clock watershed is there for a reason.
Imagine this happening with your baby when it's older- you totally wouldn't stand for it. It's not in anyones best interests so I think you need a proper convo with DH to get it sorted.

Tattler2 · 10/02/2022 11:26

Given the fact that the kids are only there 50% of the time, that he thinks that he is fully available to each of you in equal measure. Is it not at all possible that he and the kids find the measured time that he spends in close physical proximity to them as a form of bonding and unwind time for them? Maybe they find proximity rather than conversation to be their language of love and togetherness.

Many televisions have the capacity to record shows. Maybe you could record that favorite show and watch it at a later time with your spouse. You can even enjoy your bon bons in your room as your infant sleeps. You need not give up your pleasures but you might modify the schedule a slight bit when he is spending bonding time with the kids.. You get to choose your preferred method of unwinding; should your husband and his kids not have that same right? Neither of you needs to be assessing or passing judgement on the other's preferences.

If the children are creating problems in the home and are doing well in school, turning in their school assignments on time , and getting up and prepared to leave for school on time, why would they need an earlier bed time?

Suretobe · 10/02/2022 11:32

I can’t believe you’ve been seriously given some of these suggestions!! Sit in the kitchen?!! Like the staff in upstairs/downstairs??
Op I hear you. At their ages a bed time is entirely appropriate and healthy. If they are with their dad 50% there’s no reason for him to not tackle this. You need to work on him.

Glitterygreen · 10/02/2022 11:34

What does your DH say??

Surely he can see your point that your evenings are essentially wasted when the kids are just sitting there doing something else?

Tbh though I'd get them headphones and put on what I wanted. Chances are they won't be paying attention anyway.

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