Find this really annoying

[Taptap20]

I know I'll get told I'm terribly unreasonable because it's their house etc etc...

My step children have started just sitting downstairs glued to their phones playing games ALL EVENING.

It's really annoying me.

I actually wouldn't mind if we were doing something together like watching a film or something but they don't even speak they just sit... Playing on their phones.

And it then means we can't do anything like watch our TV show or have more adult conversations.

They stay 50:50 so I know I get the other half of the week but I literally work all day, I just want an hour in the evening to watch my show or have a conversation with DH. It would be different if they were actually interacting but they don't they just sit there all night not talking.

They are 9 and 11.

I don't see the problem. They're only there half the time, they're not attention seeking, they just want to be in the same room you both.

@Just10moreminutesplease

I think it’s nice they are spending time with their dad, even if they are sat on their phones. I used to sit downstairs and read at both my mum and dad’s houses because I liked the company without constant chat.

Ideally he should be engaging with them too, but then feeling comfortable sitting downstairs is a hell of a lot more important than you catching up on adult TV.

Yes, OP, how dare you prioritise your own viewing. Just because they are sitting in silence staring at screens, it doesn't mean they're not interacting with their dad!

FFS.

My dc didn't have phones at their ages.. Maybe dh should be finding more appropriate use of their time.

My grumpy teen wants to be in their own space most of the time anyway but DH has started going upstairs with his DC now to read or play video games etc with them when I want to watch something in particular. (We only have one TV...though I am thinking of getting myself an iPad so I can just go get into bed).

I've grown to accept that when the SC are there, they have the monopoly on my DHs time and me and my wants/needs take a backseat (which is frustrating as also have a shared DC).

It's not about watching TV specifically. It's about being able to just unwind for an hour after a long day. Instead I just feel like I'm just waiting for someone else to go upstairs so I can do that.

I realise it may sound petty but it's little things like I've got some nice chocolate I like in the cupboard that I just want to enjoy with a brew after a shit day but I can't because I'll just get pecked with "can I have some, can I have some, he had more than me" etc etc...

Like just some time ffs. Not saying they have to go upstairs when they come in from school, but just a reasonable time.

@Taptap20

What happens if you suggest you all play a board game/cards, Lego, DO something or watch a movie together?

I wouldn't let kids those ages spend evening after evening on their phones.

But that's family life, OP - spending time with their dad doesn't always have to mean doing a designated activity. Sometimes it means just sharing the same space, doing your own thing, being comfortable in each other's company. It's important.

You do realise all parents of older kids reach this point, where they can't watch what they want every evening/talk about private stuff, because the kids are there? It's normal. It passes.

Get them some headphones. Problem solved

HollowTalk Obviously you're not allowed to want to do anything for yourself.

I mean, I work full-time, have my own DC to run around and look after but god forbid after I've made four different dinners and cleaned up all the mess, put my toddler to bed...that I might want to sit in peace and watch something trashy, of my choosing, on the TV.

@MissMaple82

Get them some headphones. Problem solved

How does that solve the problem?

Typical age they don't want to be going to bed early. Ones in senior school.

@sadpapercourtesan

But that's family life, OP - spending time with their dad doesn't always have to mean doing a designated activity. Sometimes it means just sharing the same space, doing your own thing, being comfortable in each other's company. It's important.

You do realise all parents of older kids reach this point, where they can't watch what they want every evening/talk about private stuff, because the kids are there? It's normal. It passes.

In my house it was perfectly normal for me to go upstairs from X time before bed, as was in many of my friends houses.

I don't think I had any friends who just sat sprawled out on the sofa ALL EVENING.

Like why have we even bothered kitting our their rooms? 🤣

YABU. Sometimes it’s to just ‘be’. You can watch your programs when they go to bed, in your room or during the 50% of the time they aren’t there. There’s lots of shows that are suitable for a 9 and 11yr old to be in the same room.

Can you watch something in your room? You shouldn’t have to but that would solve the limited options due to appropriateness issue.

I sometimes put DD to bed then watch something in our room leaving DH with DSC watching something I don’t fancy. Everyone wins.

That would be shit if I had to do it half the week but if you’ve spoken to him about it and he won’t listen/doesn’t care/won’t enforce bedtimes then your only option is to take yourself away at least some of the time so you get some evening too.

Half 9 for primary age kids on a school night is shocking. But he presumably hasn’t changed so if he won’t budge then detach like mad.

@MissMaple82

Get them some headphones. Problem solved

How is it problem solved? They still have eyes...

Headphones and a blindfold, problem solved... 🤣

*sometimes it’s nice to just ‘be’ around family that should say!

I can't just go watch things in our room as we have a baby asleep in there. If I could I would.

@Taptap20

I can't just go watch things in our room as we have a baby asleep in there. If I could I would.

Same. Are you me?

@Prinnny

*sometimes it’s nice to just ‘be’ around family that should say!

Yeah... Some of the time. Just don't see why it has to be all night when you're not even interacting.

I totally get you OP. I could have written your post, same age DSC too. I've taken to just going to bed and watching what I want there! Then DH can 'interact' in the living with his children (aka all sitting on screens ignoring each other!). Equally feel like an evil cow if I suggest going in the other room and DH doesn't enforce bedtimes, so I take myself to bed instead!

Go watch tv in one of their rooms

Arr just seen your post about having a baby in your room. Yes that is annoying, I have a baby and toddler DC too but they have their own room now and early bedtime. I sympathise though as I remember the early days feeling like I had no chill out space!

@Lostmyway86

I totally get you OP. I could have written your post, same age DSC too. I've taken to just going to bed and watching what I want there! Then DH can 'interact' in the living with his children (aka all sitting on screens ignoring each other!). Equally feel like an evil cow if I suggest going in the other room and DH doesn't enforce bedtimes, so I take myself to bed instead!

I always feel really bad and antisocial if I choose to go elsewhere, DH used to be pout a bit, but he's got over it now. Not sure why I should feel guilty it though!

This grates on me too to the point where I do not enjoy my evenings when my step children are round. They are 8 and 10 and they don't get sent up til 10pm which is when I go bed too. They stay 3 - 4 nights a week and I just want child free time. Feet up on the sofa, watching a good series etc. this can't happen because we are all crushed on the sofa, watching rubbish tele. I've told my husband he needs to start sending them up at 8:30 for bedtime or 9 because the 8 year old girl is so so grumpy for school in the mornings, our whole morning is massively unpleasant. My 7 year old is up and lights off by 8pm. He wakes up refreshed and happy!