Find this really annoying

[Taptap20]

I know I'll get told I'm terribly unreasonable because it's their house etc etc...

My step children have started just sitting downstairs glued to their phones playing games ALL EVENING.

It's really annoying me.

I actually wouldn't mind if we were doing something together like watching a film or something but they don't even speak they just sit... Playing on their phones.

And it then means we can't do anything like watch our TV show or have more adult conversations.

They stay 50:50 so I know I get the other half of the week but I literally work all day, I just want an hour in the evening to watch my show or have a conversation with DH. It would be different if they were actually interacting but they don't they just sit there all night not talking.

@CrappleCake
Where does the husband's preference and wants factor into the situation. Do his feelings and thoughts carry the same weight and value as the wife's? What if he has no need or desire to have adult conversation or watch tv at that time? Is it suppose to be a just "tough luck,chuck" situation for him? Let's assume that he is an equally contributing member of the household, how is it fair that either one of them should get to dictate when they may both have equally strong feelings about their preferences? He may not have a need to have adult conversation, and he may be aware that he can record his any missed tv episode and watch it later. If he likes bon bons, he may not think that they can only be consumed at that time in the lounge.

The wife is equally entitled to her preference, but I do not see why it should be more controlling or valid than his feelings or preferences . I also think that in any well run household consideration is given to the feelings and preferences to all of the family members. That is one of the ways that you teach children about consideration by showing them them that consideration should be extended to everyone not just the strongest or most powerful. It is quite easy to say that " this is my house,and you should do it my way, but it is more effective and humane to say" this is our house, and what way will accommodate all or most of our wishes?"

[quote Tattler2]@CrappleCake
Where does the husband's preference and wants factor into the situation. Do his feelings and thoughts carry the same weight and value as the wife's? What if he has no need or desire to have adult conversation or watch tv at that time? Is it suppose to be a just "tough luck,chuck" situation for him? Let's assume that he is an equally contributing member of the household, how is it fair that either one of them should get to dictate when they may both have equally strong feelings about their preferences? He may not have a need to have adult conversation, and he may be aware that he can record his any missed tv episode and watch it later. If he likes bon bons, he may not think that they can only be consumed at that time in the lounge.

The wife is equally entitled to her preference, but I do not see why it should be more controlling or valid than his feelings or preferences . I also think that in any well run household consideration is given to the feelings and preferences to all of the family members. That is one of the ways that you teach children about consideration by showing them them that consideration should be extended to everyone not just the strongest or most powerful. It is quite easy to say that " this is my house,and you should do it my way, but it is more effective and humane to say" this is our house, and what way will accommodate all or most of our wishes?"[/quote]
OP said he is 'rubbish at bedtime' not 'he says he really values that extra hour and doesn't want to have a set bedtime because it's important to him they all stay up late and go to bed at the same time'. It's possible he doesn't really notice the time, or mind either way. Possible the kids don't, either. But OP does because she wants to watch a TV show before bed. Hardly a huge ask!

@sadpapercourtesan your assertion that kids should get preferential treatment over adults is exactly the kind of attitude that has modern parenting awash with entitled kids, teens and young people.
Adults sacrificing every bit of their comfort so as not to discommode kids (be they bio or step) does not actually make them better parents than those who enforce a bit of discipline & self preservation!
All it does is give children a very false sense of what life is actually like & it's no wonder that so many kids flail about when they go out into the world; unable to cope with not being the centre of everyone else's attention.
There's always an undertone of Burning Martyr on these types of thread; a tone that promotes mothering in particular as the ultimate sacrifice and the more a woman gives up for the kids/step kids the better person she is.
Quite frankly that's a load of traditionalist claptrap.
As a pp said sharing is a very nuanced thing. Children should be taught both to share and take turns, but also that some items/food/time slots are personal & precious and don't always have to be shared just because someone asks.
Just because 3/4 people are happy sitting in front of devices in the main living area does NOT mean that the person who actually wants to use that room should vacant it.
In this particular instance if the dad wants to waste time watching his dc on their phones then HE should take them to a room (their bedrooms) where it is not going to impact the person who actually WANTS to use the living space.

We had this it will only last another year or two then they'll be in there rooms all the time!!

What does your husband think about it?

You have a lot of options, no point getting angry.

You don't have to watch TV, you could read a book or get your own tablet and headphones to watch your own show.

You could institute a 'winding down' from 9pm policy where they play in their rooms for an hour before bed or whatever.

Or you could just suck it up and relax and eat chocolates etc every other week. You still have more adult time to yourself than most parents, who have their preteens with them every day.

Just put GOT or squid games on and see if DH bothers to move them

You could always institute a no-devices after 8pm rule for your living room. Pull out some board games. They'll probably retreat to their room of their own volition and then you'll have broken the habit.

@Ivyonafence

What does your husband think about it?

You have a lot of options, no point getting angry.

You don't have to watch TV, you could read a book or get your own tablet and headphones to watch your own show.

You could institute a 'winding down' from 9pm policy where they play in their rooms for an hour before bed or whatever.

Or you could just suck it up and relax and eat chocolates etc every other week. You still have more adult time to yourself than most parents, who have their preteens with them every day.

2 of those options are ‘just suck it up because what the kids want uk do is the most important’. And the other requires the kind of parental authority the OP clearly doesn’t have.

Your final point is silly. She’s not their parent.

@Ivyonafence

What does your husband think about it?

You have a lot of options, no point getting angry.

You don't have to watch TV, you could read a book or get your own tablet and headphones to watch your own show.

You could institute a 'winding down' from 9pm policy where they play in their rooms for an hour before bed or whatever.

Or you could just suck it up and relax and eat chocolates etc every other week. You still have more adult time to yourself than most parents, who have their preteens with them every day.

She's not Angry. She's annoyed.

And your last point is odd. She's not their parent.

I find it funny how some people are saying at least you get some time away from them and others are saying she's wrong for wanting time away from them.

@Pinkflask

I have two similar aged DC and this would drive me insane. They’re not generally allowed on tablets after dinner, they can watch TV with us (Simpsons etc) or we play a game/do jigsaw/they run in and out bugging each other/read until about 7.30. Then it’s showers, PJs, story and bed. They might still be awake reading at 9.30, sure, but it’s in bed and it’s adult time in the living room! Totally normal and how I was brought up too.

Oh Thank Christ. I thought Iabu because these are my thoughts. OP , You need to sit down with your husband and get this sorted. Everything Pinkflask says. Plus , if you want to eat chocolate every night that the children are there, well your choice. You don't have to give it to them. "Can I have some?" "No, its mine. Don't ask again ". Then no-one will be moaning about who has more. Putting in boundaries when previously there have been none can be very hard. Some people find them difficult but you need to stand firm. Once they are there and everyone knows where they stand things will become much easier for all. 🍫🍫

Why don't they have a flipping bedtime?! Your DH needs to sort that out!

I can't remember who said it up the thread, but I agree with them - just tell DH that you are putting a programme on at a certain time and he needs to move the children to a different location.

Since when do children rule the roost...?!

I find it funny how some people are saying at least you get some time away from them and others are saying she's wrong for wanting time away from them.

A stepmother is always in the wrong. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Non issue, it's your living room and if you want to watch something on TV for adults do it. If FP doesn't want his kids D's watching it he'd best get them into another room, don't be a doormat.