DH upset I left DSC off thank you cards

[KiloWhat]

I did christmas thank you cards from toddler DC and posted them all off to the relatives and now DH is upset that I didn't write the DSC's names on the card. They are both old enough to sort their own thank yous if they wanted to.

I just didn't think to do them from them, just an activity for toddler to do on a cold wet day! Is that odd?

I don't really know why I'm posting. I guess I'm a bit fed up of doing a nice thing with DC and then it becoming a 'big deal' because I've not included DSC.

Basically he's too lazy to try and organise it himself I reckon!

@jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey

This kind of pettiness towards children and family life is why I always think blended families are a little bit shit!

Thankfully they aren't all shit

Next time he can get an afternoon, buy cards himself and sit his arse down and do them with the toddler and his children, all names in all cards and that will satisfy all of you.

Tell him to fuck off, Logan Roy style

I think you were fine to make cards with toddler BUT it is odd not to check with DH before posting them to his side of the family. You know he has children. Just something like “I’m sending a card from Quentin, what shall we do about Tarquinius and Arabella? Shall we get them to make one too and post them all together?” or some such. Not considering your SC at all in family tasks is very strange.

Not considering your SC at all in family tasks is very strange. then I am strange.

@NoNameHere12

Why did you have a kid with him when he already had children? It sounds like you don’t like the fact he has other kids and your a step parent, this is the consequence to your decision. you can’t have the best of both!

Bingo. What's next for a full house?

I think you are being unreasonable. If you’re so keen for him to do this sort of thing, then why did you do it at all? You’ve admitted that you’ve not made an effort, not bothered and didn’t think of them.
What would have made more sense would have been to have the conversation with dH and all the children about writing the cards together. In fact, it’s possibly something the older children may have enjoyed doing with their younger sibling. But you’ve excluded them. It speaks volumes.

I think you were fine to make cards with toddler BUT it is odd not to check with DH before posting them to his side of the family usually he is grateful if I remember his family members birthday card and put it in the post.

What would have made more sense would have been to have the conversation with dH and all the children about writing the cards together

Presumably at the ops instigation? It's not right for the father to delegate admin around the step children onto the new wife. It's not her job. And if she had just gone ahead and done it, she'd be talking about how she overstepped.

@KiloWhat

Not considering your SC at all in family tasks is very strange. then I am strange.

So am I OP. Not my job to think of what mundane tasks need doing with/for kids i didn't give birth to.

I think you are being unreasonable. I don't and I didn't post in AIBU.

If you’re so keen for him to do this sort of thing, then why did you do it at all? because it was cold and wet and I was running out of ideas and thought it would be a nice thing to do. If he did it it would take until March..

You’ve admitted that you’ve not made an effort, not bothered no I haven't I made an effort. There were a lot.

and didn’t think of them. no I didn't think of the DSC. This is my only crime.

@tiredofthisshit21 they aren’t your neighbour’s kids though. They’re your DH’s kids. If you knew that DH wouldn’t think about sending a thank you, why not just converse with him causally? Ask him what he fancies doing? He can go off and get his DC doing cards or not bother.

@PleasantBirthday

What would have made more sense would have been to have the conversation with dH and all the children about writing the cards together

Presumably at the ops instigation? It's not right for the father to delegate admin around the step children onto the new wife. It's not her job. And if she had just gone ahead and done it, she'd be talking about how she overstepped.

Thank you. If he had spoken to me about thank you cards then this would have been a different post. But as it was over 10 days since Christmas day and a real danger nothing would get sent!

I would of added there names too!

@ToManySnacks

I would of added there names too!

Good for you. I didn't think to do this and am now according to one poster "bitter".

I expected to say yabu as it sounded like you had left their names off thank you cards from the family. As in love from Kilo, MrKilo and KiloToddler.

But if they were cards made by the toddler and only from the toddler I think that’s fine. He can get the step dc to do thank you’d if he wants!

[quote KimmyKimdoo]@tiredofthisshit21 they aren’t your neighbour’s kids though. They’re your DH’s kids. If you knew that DH wouldn’t think about sending a thank you, why not just converse with him causally? Ask him what he fancies doing? He can go off and get his DC doing cards or not bother.[/quote]
Because we all have to do the thinking for the men in our lives do we? 🙄 No thanks. I have enough life admin of my own to do.

If he wants his kids to send thank you cards then he or their mum facilitates that. He’s just being an entitled lazy arse who thinks it’s ok to duck out of the ‘wife work’ and get someone else - you - to do it.

@WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly

I expected to say yabu as it sounded like you had left their names off thank you cards from the family. As in love from Kilo, MrKilo and KiloToddler.

But if they were cards made by the toddler and only from the toddler I think that’s fine. He can get the step dc to do thank you’d if he wants!

I agree if I'd gone from Acre, Kilo and LittleKilo then that would be doing them from the family and I would have thought to add them then and probably even waited until they were here next so they could sign their own names if they wanted.

@tiredofthisshit21 exactly. I did not sign up to be DH's assistant. I did not agree to be facilitator of the DSC's card writing. They have parents for this.

[quote KimmyKimdoo]@tiredofthisshit21 they aren’t your neighbour’s kids though. They’re your DH’s kids. If you knew that DH wouldn’t think about sending a thank you, why not just converse with him causally? Ask him what he fancies doing? He can go off and get his DC doing cards or not bother.[/quote]
Maybe because he’s a grown ass adult and should be able to manage getting his kids to do a straightforward task without having to be managed.

I find it odd that you didn’t include them, if gifts were gifted to them as well as your dc why wouldn’t you include them?

Surely the point of thank you cards is so they can thank the sender for their gift.

What exactly is the point if SC aren't there and don't even know? Hardly a heart felt thank you is it?

But I guess inclusion at all costs even when it's not in line with the actual task you're doing trump's everything for some people on this board.

[quote KimmyKimdoo]@tiredofthisshit21 they aren’t your neighbour’s kids though. They’re your DH’s kids. If you knew that DH wouldn’t think about sending a thank you, why not just converse with him causally? Ask him what he fancies doing? He can go off and get his DC doing cards or not bother.[/quote]
Because he's a grown man and she's not his mum?

And to be honest. IT IS JUST A CARD.

But that's what makes it worse to me. Like I can almost understand if he got upset because I'd booked a holiday and not thought about including DSC.

And if you start with that now, it won't be long before all the other childcare is down to you as well.