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Original poster

DH upset I left DSC off thank you cards

476 replies

KiloWhat · 05/01/2022 18:16

I did christmas thank you cards from toddler DC and posted them all off to the relatives and now DH is upset that I didn't write the DSC's names on the card. They are both old enough to sort their own thank yous if they wanted to.

I just didn't think to do them from them, just an activity for toddler to do on a cold wet day! Is that odd?

I don't really know why I'm posting. I guess I'm a bit fed up of doing a nice thing with DC and then it becoming a 'big deal' because I've not included DSC.

Basically he's too lazy to try and organise it himself I reckon!

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rrhuth · 05/01/2022 18:17

All kids do separate thank you cards so your DH is being pretty weird there IMO.

Justmuddlingalong · 05/01/2022 18:18

That's his or his ex's job.

Original poster
KiloWhat · 05/01/2022 18:19

@rrhuth

All kids do separate thank you cards so your DH is being pretty weird there IMO.
Really? We've had a few signed from all the kids.
OP posts:
PersonaNonGarter · 05/01/2022 18:19

OMG no no - YANBU. He is being a lazy parent dressing it up as your fault.

Be very assertive on this. Parent your own DC.

Original poster
KiloWhat · 05/01/2022 18:21

But yeah I thought they should do one each really. That's what I used to do. But aparantly it looks odd now if the DSC do joint ones. But that's not my problem. I'm just fed up of all the little day to day things having to always think of them even when they aren't here.

OP posts:
Original poster
KiloWhat · 05/01/2022 18:21

@PersonaNonGarter

OMG no no - YANBU. He is being a lazy parent dressing it up as your fault.

Be very assertive on this. Parent your own DC.

Thank you I shall.
OP posts:
AlDanvers · 05/01/2022 18:24

Honestly, if I was already doing a card I would have just put their names on. Seems odd to send 2 from the same family

Doggoo · 05/01/2022 18:24

How old are they? If they’re primary age then YABU, older and YANBU.

AlDanvers · 05/01/2022 18:25

Or if you really wanted them to do it, waited until they came back and added their own names.

sofakingcool · 05/01/2022 18:25

Were the older children there at the time? So could have signed their own name? If so, a shame that they couldn't have been included.

However if not, adding their names is a bit weird?! Surely they should have been the ones to say thanks...

BooksAndGin · 05/01/2022 18:26

Why didn't he do thank you cards with DSC? YANBU. His laziness isn't your problem, it's on him!

Justmuddlingalong · 05/01/2022 18:27

Use this example to reinforce what are his responsibilities and yours with regards to your DSC in future. If you're constantly expected to pick up the slack, he'll dump more and more onto the "that's for you to sort out" pile. And that's not on.

Original poster
KiloWhat · 05/01/2022 18:28

@BooksAndGin

Why didn't he do thank you cards with DSC? YANBU. His laziness isn't your problem, it's on him!
Oh I know I am NBU. I'm just fed up of him making a fuss everytime something is seen as U!
OP posts:
Original poster
KiloWhat · 05/01/2022 18:28

@BooksAndGin

Why didn't he do thank you cards with DSC? YANBU. His laziness isn't your problem, it's on him!
He's doing them next time they are here now (and no he can't use my stash of cards to do them)
OP posts:
Original poster
KiloWhat · 05/01/2022 18:29

@Doggoo

How old are they? If they’re primary age then YABU, older and YANBU.
Really? The primary age one is the one most likely to want to do them off their own back. Oldest can't care less.
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Wildrobin · 05/01/2022 18:29

I definitely would have let them add their names as it helps them feel valued and included surely . Our dc tend to write on the same card as seems just as heartfelt a thank you and it saves a stamp too.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 05/01/2022 18:30

Has he ever in his life got the kids to write thank you cards, or written one himself? I suspect I know the answer. Tell him he can organise them all next year as he'll make a better job of it. And in the meantime the DSC can text a thank you to the relatives - he can check on and supervise that.

Original poster
KiloWhat · 05/01/2022 18:30

@AlDanvers

Honestly, if I was already doing a card I would have just put their names on. Seems odd to send 2 from the same family
Thats his argument. That relatives will think it's weird and I've made an effort with DC but not bothered with DSC. Which is true I guess. I haven't.
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HeCalledMeAddie · 05/01/2022 18:31

@AlDanvers

Honestly, if I was already doing a card I would have just put their names on. Seems odd to send 2 from the same family
Me too
TheSnowyOwl · 05/01/2022 18:32

If the cards are just from your DC then YANBU. If they are from you, DH and DC then I think you were being petty.

NowEvenBetter · 05/01/2022 18:32

@KiloWhat

But yeah I thought they should do one each really. That's what I used to do. But aparantly it looks odd now if the DSC do joint ones. But that's not my problem. I'm just fed up of all the little day to day things having to always think of them even when they aren't here.
Why does their father not give enough of a crap about his kids to do basic things for them? Don’t accept him palming off his parenting on to you, his kids go there for contact with him. He gets to do the thinking, planning and parenting of the kids he made.
Original poster
KiloWhat · 05/01/2022 18:33

@TheSnowyOwl

If the cards are just from your DC then YANBU. If they are from you, DH and DC then I think you were being petty.
Just from DC. And I just didn't think of them.
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Doggoo · 05/01/2022 18:33

Really? The primary age one is the one most likely to want to do them off their own back. Oldest can't care less.

Becuase kids don’t necessarily think about those things and as an adult in their lives, it wouldn’t kill you to include them or atleast let them know you’re doing it to give them a nudge. Weird to exclude children like that. I have a lot of steps in my family and if I received a thank you card from a toddler that didn’t include their step siblings, I’d think there were issues in the household.

FazedNotPhased · 05/01/2022 18:34

I dunno, it costs you nothing to include them. The fact you didn't even think of them is probably a bit telling.

HandWash · 05/01/2022 18:34

If someone sent presents to all 3 kids, but only got a card with one included I do think that's a (bit) unreasonable.

It makes the other parent look slack and is divisive. Obviously you can say that 'DH can do his own' but generally a family is a team and I wouldn't want to show my DH up like that.

One card from all three would have been best.