DH upset I left DSC off thank you cards

[KiloWhat]

I did christmas thank you cards from toddler DC and posted them all off to the relatives and now DH is upset that I didn't write the DSC's names on the card. They are both old enough to sort their own thank yous if they wanted to.

I just didn't think to do them from them, just an activity for toddler to do on a cold wet day! Is that odd?

I don't really know why I'm posting. I guess I'm a bit fed up of doing a nice thing with DC and then it becoming a 'big deal' because I've not included DSC.

Basically he's too lazy to try and organise it himself I reckon!

But I used to send a separate thank you to my brother when growing up. It didn't seem weird then.

If they got separate presents, I’d assume that they send separate thank you cards. Arguably, it’s not entirely appropriate for you, as the SM, to send them on their behalf; different if your DH was writing them.

@Skiptheheartsandflowers I honestly don't know! But like you I expect not!

If the cards were to be from all of the kids jointly, then why didn't their DDad take responsibility?

My DDs always did separate thank yous, but I stuck them in the same envelope to send off.

@Justmuddlingalong

If the cards were to be from all of the kids jointly, then why didn't their DDad take responsibility?

Because I was running out of ideas to entertain the toddler!

But yeah maybe next year I'll leave him to do it..(bet they don't get done and then my child won't learn the importance of thanking people.. )

I'm on his side I think. Perhaps it hurt his feelings that you didn't think of them. Sure he could do it himself, but better to work as a team surely? Perhaps next time you could think of them.

@Ijustreallywantacat it's his job to think of them.

Whose relatives did you send the cards to? DH's or yours?

@TeenPlusCat

My DDs always did separate thank yous, but I stuck them in the same envelope to send off.

Yes, I think this is normal.

@Hibiscusroses

Whose relatives did you send the cards to? DH's or yours?

Both sides.

I have always included step daughter’s name in all our family cards. She’s part of our family. I wouldn’t dream of leaving her off. It’s a shame you didn’t include them.

@KiloWhat

But yeah maybe next year I'll leave him to do it..(bet they don't get done and then my child won't learn the importance of thanking people.. )

Really? So kids can't learn to say thank you unless it's written down in a card from only them?

This is clearly about so much more than this card. Which generally changes the situation. Sound slime you are throughly fed up of your marriage and being a SM.

Really? So kids can't learn to say thank you unless it's written down in a card from only them? that's not what I said is it.

I said if I leave it to DH to do next year I expect it won't get done.

And no but I'm not getting my toddler texting and writing a card is a nice way to say thank you.

As you sent them to both sides, you probably haven’t done yourself or DC any favours with your DH’s side of the family. I’d have waited until posting to have included DSC’s thank yous in the same envelope.

Why did you have a kid with him when he already had children? It sounds like you don’t like the fact he has other kids and your a step parent, this is the consequence to your decision. you can’t have the best of both!

Sound slime you are throughly fed up of your marriage and being a SM and no I'm not. I like being a SM I do not like being expected to think of the DSC in every thing I do when they are not here.

@Doggoo

I feel sorry for your step kids, you sound very bitter.

Ok

It’s fair enough that it didn’t occur to you at the time, but now that you know it bothers your DH, just ask him whether he wants their names on the cards you’re doing with the toddler or if he’s sorting it separately. It’s not much of a hardship, just being a considerate family member.

@NoNameHere12

Why did you have a kid with him when he already had children? It sounds like you don’t like the fact he has other kids and your a step parent, this is the consequence to your decision. you can’t have the best of both!

I have noooo idea where you got that from

@KiloWhat

Really? So kids can't learn to say thank you unless it's written down in a card from only them? that's not what I said is it.

I said if I leave it to DH to do next year I expect it won't get done.

And no but I'm not getting my toddler texting and writing a card is a nice way to say thank you.

But it is. Saying thank you isn't just writing a card.

I know plenty of families that dont do cards and their kids still have manners. If your child doesn't learn to say thank you, its not just because their dad didn't do thank you cards.

@KiloWhat well you admitted in your first reply you’ve received cards from siblings so you did know it was a thing.
You’re being petty to say he can’t use your stash of cards to do thank you cards with his children. You sound really childish.

It's very othering to leave them out.