DH upset I left DSC off thank you cards

[KiloWhat]

I did christmas thank you cards from toddler DC and posted them all off to the relatives and now DH is upset that I didn't write the DSC's names on the card. They are both old enough to sort their own thank yous if they wanted to.

I just didn't think to do them from them, just an activity for toddler to do on a cold wet day! Is that odd?

I don't really know why I'm posting. I guess I'm a bit fed up of doing a nice thing with DC and then it becoming a 'big deal' because I've not included DSC.

Basically he's too lazy to try and organise it himself I reckon!

@aSofaNearYou thanks! Fingers crossed!

@IncompleteSenten

You are the step mum so you are automatically in the wrong. The situation doesn't matter. Stepmum = wrong.

You have triggered the MN stepmum clause. Your post is not in AIBU but you are a stepmum, therefore every board is the AIBU board.

You will be treated as though you were the OW and shagged him on the kitchen table while his kids were having dinner, even if you met him 10 years after the divorce.

You have a vagina, therefore all things child related are your responsibility and you are evil if you don't treat your step children like your own

At the same time, you are the step mother and it is not your place to treat your step children as though they are your children. They are not, you need to keep your nose out.

It is mean and unreasonable to expect the father to take care of things. He has his penis and his man job to consider. You must fill the gap while not filling the gap because filling the gap is wrong. You must be available to look after them at any time without complaint but you must not attempt to be any sort of parental figure to them or have any opinions on anything to do with them.

Your own child must never be put first or thought of without first considering your stepchildren. Your stepchildren can of course and should be put first and thought of without any consideration of your child.

Your child is the child of the second marriage. This is wrong.

I mean, there's loads more but basically you're a stepparent and you're a woman so you're fucked.

Excellent summary of pretty much anything ever posted in step-parenting. Can we make this a sticky?

I have 3 x DNs. DN1 and 2 are from DB's prev marriage, DN3 is from his current marriage. New SIL sends me a thank you message on behalf of little DN3 at Christmas, imo it's 100% up to DB or ex-SIL to make sure their kids (who are much older) send messages or cards (surprise surprise they don't). I definitely don't see it as new SILs job, and tbh if she'd added them on I'd have found it a bit odd. YADNBU OP.

@KiloWhat

Every single aspect of rearing should be discussed. sending cards is pretty evident in the years leading up to marriage - if the partner doesnt see how much you like sending cards to say thanks , that is a red flag

He knew I liked sending cards. We didn't have our child until after marriage. He has never sent a thank card from his other children in my presence. I am the one who has easy access to a postbox so it is usually my job to post things as I go past.

Things we did not discuss include:
Netflix vs Amazon prime
Who makes the packed lunches (he assumed him, I like making them, he is happy to let me).
Mobile phones - his kids his choice
What age DSC can walk to the little shop by themselves (his kids his choice, but he has asked for my input).

We have survived our marriage despite not discussing these in advance.

Heinous - not discussing Netflix V Amazon Prime. How will you know which one will fulfil your SC needs more?

Also there was a thread a few weeks ago pointing out as a SM without a multi-person subscription but a single screen one, it is your job to allow the SC to watch it at their mum's house even though it is your own single subscription and you can't afford to upgrade.

As you can see IncompleteSenten post fits in every single situation you can think off.

What if it turns out they want to watch Apple TV or Disney+ instead? 🤣

You might have made the Netflix over Amazon prime agreement a few years ago and it’s come out if left field.

And next year it might be something else?

Do you need to have an opinion on the playstation v Xbox situation too?

Do you need to have an opinion on the playstation v Xbox situation too? I better discuss it with DH tonight incase we need to divide divorce

@KiloWhat

Do you need to have an opinion on the playstation v Xbox situation too? I better discuss it with DH tonight incase we need to divide divorce

That seems wise. Make sure you have anticipated any future iterations and whether there will be a need to switch sides in, say, 2032.

You did get the crystal ball when you met a man with children, didn’t you?

Of toddler drew a picture on front of card and you wrote thank you message as an activity for DC I don't see what the fuss is about. DSC Mum or Dad can help them send thank you cards or texts or whatever. O expect you include DSC when they are at your home. It is a bit much to expect you to parent them when they are not even at your home but have 2 parents of their own who should be parenting them. I have a friend who is a SM to 2 DSC. Her DH refuses to go on holiday with her and their 2 DC unless DSC always go too. Even though they are much older and like different things and DSC go on holiday with their own Mum so get twice as many holidays as her DC.

No thank yous have been written this weekend.
Not a problem, just thought you may like to know.

You're a very bad person to have failed to correct your error. You've had plenty of time to sort it out...

@PleasantBirthday

You're a very bad person to have failed to correct your error. You've had plenty of time to sort it out...

I've been a bit busy this weekend tbh.

@PleasantBirthday

You're a very bad person to have failed to correct your error. You've had plenty of time to sort it out...

😂

I've been a bit busy this weekend tbh.

You mean it wasn’t your top priority that you make up for their father’s laziness? 😱

It's too late anyway. The children are traumatised and your marriage is over. Sorry OP, I don't make the rules.

🤣🤣

@jb7445

Tbh if I received a card that had been scribbled on with crayon, clearly by a toddler, I would find it MORE weird to then have it also signed by the other kids 😳. They can do thier thank yous themselves or text or whatever their dad suggests (or they want to do).

I'm not a SM BTW but this thread is nuts.

Totally agree

If I got a toddler handprint card and a 12 year old's name was added, I'd think it was bloody wierd

@WeDontTalkAboutBrunonono because If she thinks Thank you cards come from each individual child as some do on this thread it would be irrelevant that she didn't include them as expects each to do their own anyway wether step children or whatever

@KiloWhat

No thank yous have been written this weekend. Not a problem, just thought you may like to know.

Well it shows how important it was to your DH. Leave the lazy parent to sort out DSCs his own children's Thankyous

I think he's told you everything here by his own inaction

Spot on

This is a dormant thread from January!

Why are so many old threads on this board suddenly being dug up and responded to?

Hmm a bit of both here.

You are absolutely allowed to have fun with your own dc.

If your dsc are v young (ie too young to buy, write & post cards) then i think you were a bit shit not to stick their names on.

If they are teens its up to them.

I bet the fact that you just didn't think of them hurt your dh.

Ask yoursef truthfully - if your oh had done the same but exluded your dc & only put names of his other two would you have felt hurt/annoyed ?

@beachcitygirl ZOMBIE!!!

ZOMBIE!!!

ZOMBIE!!!

What on earth were you looking for when you found this old thread?

ZOMBIE

Thanks @RedWingBoots bloody hate zombie threads x