DH upset I left DSC off thank you cards

[KiloWhat]

I did christmas thank you cards from toddler DC and posted them all off to the relatives and now DH is upset that I didn't write the DSC's names on the card. They are both old enough to sort their own thank yous if they wanted to.

I just didn't think to do them from them, just an activity for toddler to do on a cold wet day! Is that odd?

I don't really know why I'm posting. I guess I'm a bit fed up of doing a nice thing with DC and then it becoming a 'big deal' because I've not included DSC.

Basically he's too lazy to try and organise it himself I reckon!

And no but I'm not getting my toddler texting and writing a card is a nice way to say thank you.

But a toddler cannot write a card. So you look as if you wrote the cards on your toddler’s behalf to have some sort of odd one person up on either your DH or his ex.

Separate gifts, separate thank you cards. Up to the parent to organise the thank you cards because kids don’t think of it or can’t follow through (buying cards, stamps). You’ve organised for your kid, not your responsibility to organise for his. He’s being a lazy arse.

It's his job to think of them
Sure but thats kind of petty isn't it? You're either a family or you're not. I have a stepsister. When we were younger my mum would write Christmas cards from all of us to various relatives. My stepsister would have felt very sad if she'd left her off because it should be my stepdads job.

[quote RussianSpy101]@KiloWhat well you admitted in your first reply you’ve received cards from siblings so you did know it was a thing.
You’re being petty to say he can’t use your stash of cards to do thank you cards with his children. You sound really childish.[/quote]
I'm not being petty. I'm fed up with being his card supplier for birthdays and the like. He needs to up his card admin game.

I would imagine that any of his relatives receiving a Thank You card coming from his home address might find it odd to have only one or some of the kids sign a card. I think that they might perceive that as a statement of sorts even if that were not the intention.

You have a child but he has children. When something is coming from his home , his relatives may be off put by a difference being made.

Or perhaps no one will notice or care.

I kind of get it from his pov. It will be HIS family that have sent presents to both sets of kids, so by only making the thank you cards from your kids you either make the older ones look bad / ungrateful when they aren’t; or make him look like a bad father by not including them. Next time leave all the thank you cards for DH’s side for him to do.

Your the problem here and I got that from your own posts!. Step parents do think of their step kids, you purposely don’t want too, so why get knocked up by a bloke who already has children?

You should have added their names

@TheSnowyOwl

And no but I'm not getting my toddler texting and writing a card is a nice way to say thank you.

But a toddler cannot write a card. So you look as if you wrote the cards on your toddler’s behalf to have some sort of odd one person up on either your DH or his ex.

Really?! I just thought it would be a nice thing to do with my child!

I mean you really don’t seem to think you were wrong so not sure if there’s much point of asking for other people’s opinions.

Personally I think when you enter a stepfamily you need to consider these things, even if it’s just asking ‘are you doing Gemma and Matthew’s thank you cards? Okay well I’ll do Jack’s then as well/I’ll do Jack’s now and we’ll send them off together.’

If you honestly just forgot about them and didn’t mean to not consider them then next time you could split it with DH/ask who’s doing them.

However from your comments that ‘he should consider them and ‘it wouldn’t get done’ if you didn’t do it it doesn’t sound like this was a one off didn’t think of them situation but that there might be further issues.

Can I just make it clear that I didn't sit down and make a conscious choice to leave them off. I just didn't even think of them.

If your child made it to send thanks to someone, then it's only from your child, not others. They make their own to say thanks, or even an email/phone call. But no, they don't share that card.

Why is there always some who think women are rehabilitation centres for the men in their lives and the boring stuff is up to mum or step mum to fix.

This isn't a big thing tbh, if DH isn't fussed to organise and sort out thankyou cards for his children, that's kinda on him.

But hes fussed enough to say well you did it wrong, my response would be well at least I did actually do it.

He's just annoyed that actually you didn't take on his slack and now will have to do it himself. Which without you he would have to have do all by his poor self. However did he cope.

If he's shown up by it well he's shown up by it. I know people get married and go on to make sacrifices but I don't remember in my marriage vows I became his PA for all things DH deem not important enough to waste his time on.

He's not your boss, parent or otherwise. I will tell him that if he wants to parent anyone maybe focus on his own actual children.

A healthy sense of boundaries and self is critical in SP families. There's no need to hand wring over the cards but I'm willing to bet he dumps other boring things at your door as well (which will be the things he doesn't want to do but sees it as your "role") careful not to fall into the guilt trap of "but fammmmilllyy"

Hang on, aren’t all 3 his kids? He could have sat down with all 3 and wrote thank you cards but he didn’t.

@NoNameHere12

Your the problem here and I got that from your own posts!. Step parents do think of their step kids, you purposely don’t want too, so why get knocked up by a bloke who already has children?

It's not that I purposely don't want to. I have enough on my plate and I do think of them I just don't think of them in every tiny day to day activity I do with my own child.

@Newyearnewme2022

Hang on, aren’t all 3 his kids? He could have sat down with all 3 and wrote thank you cards but he didn’t.

Yup or said he was going to at least. He gave no indication of this happening and as far as I knew the kids did their own at mums or don't do thank yous.

I would think that if your DC is writing a thank you note it would mention the specific gift and how much DC liked it.

It would be very odd to then add the names of DSC -I would have thought each child did their own, adding a bit of personal touch-mentioning the gift and how/why they like it.

We always did them individually

@KiloWhat

Can I just make it clear that I didn't sit down and make a conscious choice to leave them off. I just didn't even think of them.

But I wonder if that is part of a bigger issue, from your dhs pov.

Theres clearly other issues here. You dont think yabu, some people disagree.

Not sure what else there is to say.

Depends who it was to. Their mutual grandparents, I'd have added their names. My family? I wouldn't have because they barely know DSC and really only get them something small like selection boxes ect.. if anything.

I don't include them on Christmas cards either to people who don't know them like my friends or extended family 🤷‍♀️

Seems odd to send 2 from the same family

In our family, each child sends their own thank yous at Christmas and for Birthday gifts.

I have kept every one I have received.

It is fascinating to track each child's development from year to year, starting with scribbles on a side of A4 with a thank you message added obvs by a parent right up to this year's when I received a card so beautifully and neatly written that my first thought was that it was printed in a handwriting font.

Such a lovely record, which I hope to someday show to their own children.

As a child, the chore of writing thank you letters hung over me like a dark cloud. I genuinely wished that I could skip the gifts and not have to write letters.

I completely changed my mind, the first time a received a thank you 'scribble' from DNiece.

Simply love receiving authentic thank you notes.

I think you’ve been unreasonable, what harm would it have been to add your step childrens name to the cards. Pretty selfish of you,

You may be pissed off with your partner but doesn’t mean you need to take it out on the kids,

I would find it strange to receive a thank you card with only one siblings name on it.

This kind of pettiness towards children and family life is why I always think blended families are a little bit shit!

Ick I can see where this thread is going.

I have seen a mum on here kicking off because thank you cards where sent out with SM name on in including the kids and the commentary was she was by all accounts "crossing a line" and playing happy families with children who "weren't hers".

It's a card the SC can send and do their own if the dad wishes or it may have been done at mums. This is a parental call, as such up to the parents to decide on how they wish the kids to respond. Some parents would prefer their kids to call people and say thank you, the toddler couldn't do that and OP has made that parental call.

Maybe time DH did the same ?

It's not that I purposely don't want to. I have enough on my plate and I do think of them I just don't think of them in every tiny day to day activity I do with my own child.

And this is fine. You don't need to always be thinking of them 🙄

I'm sure poster's will be horrified to know that I spend 99.99999% more time thinking of my own child and things to do with them than my DSC.

Actually I’ve changed my mind, I was looking at this from the outside, but if I was you I wouldn’t not want to send a card from my toddler, and I would assume the step kids mum, if she was to write cards, would include your child, so I suppose it goes both ways really.

(Your DH is going to look like a cock though to the people you sent it too on his side if the family)