SC having Christmas twice

[WhoisRebecca]

DH and I have the SC this year for Christmas. They are here tonight until Boxing Day and it has been court ordered that Christmas will alternate each year so that the dc get Christmas with each parent. It went to court because dc's mother was obstructing contact and had actually never let DH have them at Christmas.

So she has now made today 'her' Christmas Day. The children were told that yesterday was Christmas Eve at mummy's and this morning Santa came and they will have their full Christmas lunch before coming to us for actual Christmas Eve. I can't help thinking it takes the shine off Christmas Day for them as it happens twice and also the SC now believe that they are the only children in the world for whom Santa comes twice a year. I know this seems a bit petty - but I think when you split up, you have to accept that Christmas is shared from then on.

Sorry not really a question- just wondering what people thought. Far too scared to post in AIBU!

I think you are being unfair. It sounds like they are young and of course their mum wants to have a Christmas with them just like your DP does.

They are 9 and 6. I'm a parent myself and I accept that I have to share Christmas.

We've always had 2 Christmases. Christmas Day with Mum and boxing day with Dad. FC only came to mums house though.
It was flipping brilliant!

Thanks for that. Happy Christmas to you too.

So yes they are young then. Just because you choose to do it a different way doesn’t make you right.

I think it’s lovely that their Mum has found a way to adapt their traditions to being apart on the 25th. Many blended families have double Christmas. If you make a deal out of it being negative she will be even more reluctant to let them come to you. I’m a SM and DSD has always had 2 Christmas celebrations. When she’s not with us on the 25th we don’t do Santa but do stocking gifts from us. I don’t know what her Mum does as it’s not my business!

That's fine - I just wanted opinions but I don't think I sound bitter.

When my son goes to his dads for Christmas we do a family ‘Christmas’ when he gets back, he gets a stocking at my house too. I don’t think his dad does the same when my son spends Christmas with me though.

It doesn’t affect you personally in any way and it makes your step kids happy so what’s the problem?

I don't think it takes the shine off at all. Most kids I know would love two Christmases and two lots of Santa presents.

She has no choice but to let them come here. It's court ordered.

I don't articulate this to her or the sc!

No absolutely it doesn't affect me personally and it hasn't been raised with anyone!

I don’t think she’s done anything wrong. This is how I pretty much grew up though, I always had one Christmas on Christmas Eve and the other on Christmas Day. I used to love it, a double whammy!

I think that's probably the norm in this situation.
Why not (quickly!) come up with your own Christmas tradition that they makes it different and special? I'm sure they will be over the moon at having 2 Christmasses!

I think its fine. We do the same. In fairness exdh let's me have every Christmas morning so I would be particularly churlish to resent him having a second Christmas. One year he had them up until Christmas eve night and did similar. It didn't take the shine off at all.

My DC are 9 and 6 and thus wouldn't ruin anything.

I didn't say that! Of course I want them to celebrate with their mum too. I just wondered what everyone thought about creating an identical Christmas Day, that's all. I'm obviously wrong so I'll bow out now.

Have a lovely Christmas everyone.

Assuming she doesn’t mind you and your DP doing the same for them next year OP then don’t worry about it.
I understand what you’re saying - she was never willing to share Christmas before and now that it’s being enforced, she still won’t let their dad have a bit of the main event.
I don’t think you sound bitter but it’s not a hill worth dying on.
Let them enjoy the two days and if she kicks off next year then DP can remind them that it’s the precedent she set

We have two Christmas's in my family about 10 days apart and it's AMAZING!

We don't do the same when it's our turn not to have them - they get lots of gifts and fuss but DH thought it was fairer to let mum have the excitement of Christmas on her year.

When they first split up, DH didn't get to see them at all at Christmas as she took them away and stopped contact until the court order was made - so maybe my view was coloured by that. I can see that it's best for the SC though so I've no issue with it, just genuinely wondered what people thought.

Every family I know where the parents are split up have 2 Christmas days for the children, I honestly can’t see what the problem is?

There's no problem! I just wondered what people thought about Santa coming twice and whether it spoiled the magic a little. I was wrong which is fine🎅

Sounds like the Mum wanted to get in there first with the presents 😂

My kids are having Christmas on the 27th with me as they are at their dads.

I waited until after Christmas, doesn't feel right doing it before.

TBH I think it is a bit PA of her to do it the day before rather than waiting till she has them again after Christmas. Then she could easily recreate all the 'magic' she wants and traditions on her side without taking the shine & anticipation off actual Christmas with dad.