SC having Christmas twice

[WhoisRebecca]

DH and I have the SC this year for Christmas. They are here tonight until Boxing Day and it has been court ordered that Christmas will alternate each year so that the dc get Christmas with each parent. It went to court because dc's mother was obstructing contact and had actually never let DH have them at Christmas.

So she has now made today 'her' Christmas Day. The children were told that yesterday was Christmas Eve at mummy's and this morning Santa came and they will have their full Christmas lunch before coming to us for actual Christmas Eve. I can't help thinking it takes the shine off Christmas Day for them as it happens twice and also the SC now believe that they are the only children in the world for whom Santa comes twice a year. I know this seems a bit petty - but I think when you split up, you have to accept that Christmas is shared from then on.

I dont think its odd but that's probably because we go away at xmas a lot so have done "xmas' the Sunday before we flew out every time. Santa comes to house early quite a lot

Try not to let what she does in her house bother you. Just like its nothing to do with her what goes on in your house.

Get the baileys out OP!

Coming from a step parent - you sound bitter. Take a minute to think about how happy and magical it is to have 2 christmases with parents who want to have their special days with them!

OP I see what you are saying. It would have been nice if for this year the kids got to experience Christmas with their dad as the main event.

If I was her I would have waited until they are back after the big day to do parts of Christmas again.

It feels like even though she has been ordered to share Christmas- she is still finding ways to make it ‘hers’. It would annoy me too.

2 Christmas days is normal. There's no problem at all with it! Its not a contest for goodness sake!

Just think of it as a Christmas Booster.

Their dad had one Christmas where he didn't know where they were, because she moved them away without telling him. I think it's great to enjoy a festive meal with both parents and of course have piles of gifts at both homes. But this is only his second Christmas ever with his youngest and when they arrive, they will already have had a full Christmas dinner and Santa will already have been.

@LetHimHaveIt

You don't sound 'bitter' to me, OP: like 'jealous', it's a word MNers sling around all the fucking time 🙄 But she sounds fairly spiteful.

Two Christmas celebrations are fine. Wholly understandable. But she's finally been court-ordered to let your husband have this Christmas Day, so she's stealing a march on you by doing it the day before. She could've been gracious and done it on their return.

Marry Christmas to you. You're not wrong in my book.

Hang on @LetHimHaveIt, the court order if for him to have the kids on the 25th - not that she can't do xmas early. We do xmas early all the time - its not illegal.

The kids will not care one bit. Two days of fun for the kids - brilliant. Its adult emotion at play here and its adult emotion that could potentially put a damper on a day that's supposed to be all-out the kids.

OP if you are still on the thread, dont get whipped up by comments like this. Let it roll over you and look forward to tomorrow.

When my SD was young she would always have Christmas Day with her mum and Boxing Day with us so effectively 2 Christmases but Santa only went to her mum's house (although I see no reason why he can't visit 2 houses)

I remember when I was a kid, and everyone's parents were splitting up, the standard commiseration from kids whose parents had already split was "at least you get two Christmases, hey?"

I always had two Christmases growing up- it was awesome.

It’s lovely for those children, they are lucky indeed. I’m really struggling to see your point @WhoisRebecca.

Anyway it's fine - I am not bitter at all! Of course I've told the SC that it's very exciting to have Santa visit twice and I won't be negative in any way. I am happy to accept the view that I'm wrong

@WhoisRebecca

Their dad had one Christmas where he didn't know where they were, because she moved them away without telling him. I think it's great to enjoy a festive meal with both parents and of course have piles of gifts at both homes. But this is only his second Christmas ever with his youngest and when they arrive, they will already have had a full Christmas dinner and Santa will already have been.

Honestly they won't care. They will still love to do all the Santa stuff as you asked Santa to come to both houses

Regarding the xmas dinner - kids love the fan fare of xmas dinner. Honestly they will still have an amazing time. Nothing has been stolen, they are just really lucky to be doing it twice. Dont let it ruin your xmas eve.

I think a lot of people with separated parents have two Christmases. Kids aren't stupid, they know Christmas day is actually one day and I don't think they care that much as long as they get their presents!

But this is only his second Christmas ever with his youngest and when they arrive, they will already have had a full Christmas dinner and Santa will already have been.

I understand, but this should be about the kids not him, so long as they are happy (and I'm very much assuming they will be!) I really think it's fine, lucky them.

'Hang on @LetHimHaveIt, the court order if for him to have the kids on the 25th - not that she can't do xmas early. We do xmas early all the time - its not illegal.

The kids will not care one bit. Two days of fun for the kids - brilliant. Its adult emotion at play here and its adult emotion that could potentially put a damper on a day that's supposed to be all-out the kids.

OP if you are still on the thread, dont get whipped up by comments like this. Let it roll over you and look forward to tomorrow 🍷

Hang on yourself. Apparently it's fine for posters to tear OP down telling her she's bitter, but I can't buoy her up a bit by saying I don't think she's in the wrong? I'm not whipping her up at all, so dial it down, Norma Rae.

I've actually drafted a few court orders/directions in my time, so I understand the OP, thanks. And no court in the land would prohibit a parent from celebrating 'their' Christmas on Christmas Eve, at any rate. I still think she could've been a bloody grown-up and done it on the kids' return because it feels an awful lot like trying to sabotage their first Xmas with dad.

As a step child, although now 61, two Christmases are little consolation for divorced parents and the upset it brings.

I think you are being unfair OP. Just think of the children.

It sounds like your DH & yourself have a right to feel bitter - if she's obstructed contact and you've never had them for Christmas. Do I can understand your annoyance!

However....don't let anything take any joy from this wonderful Christmas you get with them this year.

She is probably struggling at the thought of being without them and is trying to do something to help that.

They are little and this double Christmas won't be viable forever.

Just enjoy your time with them and focus on that, not what's going on in her home. Maybe next year you'll choose to do the same and see how it works out?

Merry Christmas 🎅🏼

You don't sound bitter at all OP. Please take no notice of that. It does seem a shame but I think I'd just get on with it, smile and nod...😁

Just out of curiosity. Was it a long battle to get the alternating Christmas days? My partner currently doesn't see his little ones at all over Christmas as their mother just says that she doesn't want to be without them. I totally get that as I miss my daughter (she splits the day between me and her dad) but it's very unfair x

We just had a "mini Christmas" for my ex and the DC. They liked it and are still very much into actual Christmas.

When I was younger most years I spent Christmas Eve with my dad and that side of my family and then my dad would drive me to spend the afternoon with my mum and her side of the family. One year I spent the whole day with my mum because we had gone away so my dad did an early Christmas with me. I would have been disappointed not to have Christmas with both. I think it is lovely that she does this and a shame that you and your husband haven’t been doing it. Do you not even do Santa for them when it’s not your year? No Christmas meal?

Very familiar from my childhood. Always doubled up on stocking and meals. I had four Christmas meals one year. 2x parents and 2x grandparents. Two were actually on the same day - was sent to run around the garden to work off the first feast.

They were all special times, and it was one of the perks of having a split family. Heaven knows there were enough downsides.....

I'm with you, I think it's odd.
Personally I'd come up with a totally new set of traditions for your house and do something special and different

Agree with this. She is trying to upstage the Dad by doing her day first. Try not to let her spoil things.

I don't think it's right for children to have to do Christmas Day twice - it's to keep the parents happy not the children.

YANBU

@justustwoandmoo it has been a protracted court battle because she kept breaching orders, claiming the children were ill each Christmas Day, even once the order was made. It took a very stern warning about consequences from the judge at the last hearing to make her comply. She tried to argue then that Christmas Day should be split equally, which the judge said no to, as it's obviously not in the best interests of the children.

He went four months without seeing them before it got to court, which was just devastating.

Anyway I am not going to worry at all about how she does Christmas now, as long as my dc and the sc are all happy that's all that matters.

Thanks for the opinions everyone and have a lovely Christmas.

Santa only comes once on Christmas Eve and that’s what kids are taught so I can kinda understand as it means Santa coming twice which won’t be what they've been taught and won’t be like their friends.

You’re overthinking this though OP, the 9yo won’t believe in Santa for much longer and the 6yo will believe anything you tell them 😁 (Santa comes twice for those who have two homes etc)

Make your own traditions 😁

@3WildOnes of course we do Santa and piles of gifts when it's not our year!!!

We just don't create a replica of Christmas the evening before the actual day.

He's only had them once before at Christmas though, due to repeated breaches.