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Original poster

SC having Christmas twice

156 replies

WhoisRebecca · 24/12/2021 15:00

DH and I have the SC this year for Christmas. They are here tonight until Boxing Day and it has been court ordered that Christmas will alternate each year so that the dc get Christmas with each parent. It went to court because dc's mother was obstructing contact and had actually never let DH have them at Christmas.

So she has now made today 'her' Christmas Day. The children were told that yesterday was Christmas Eve at mummy's and this morning Santa came and they will have their full Christmas lunch before coming to us for actual Christmas Eve. I can't help thinking it takes the shine off Christmas Day for them as it happens twice and also the SC now believe that they are the only children in the world for whom Santa comes twice a year. I know this seems a bit petty - but I think when you split up, you have to accept that Christmas is shared from then on.

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SamMil · 24/12/2021 16:18

My parents are divorced and Santa used to visit us twice too. We alternated Christmas each year but we'd always have a Christmas dinner at my mum's house (with a stocking she did) and also with my dad (and another stocking from my gran!).

It worked fine for us and I think it's probably one of those things it's best to just roll with, as long as the kids are happy Smile

Doyoumind · 24/12/2021 16:21

OP, I'm a single mum and I've been alternating Christmas Day for years with my ex. He's extremely difficult and abusive and even he wouldn't pull this stunt. In our setup when one parent has Christmas Day, the other has Boxing Day and has their Christmas celebrations then.

I don't think it's nice of her at all and I think she's done it thinking of herself and not the children. Yes, she's done this to spite you and to take the shine off Christmas with you and your DP. But rise above it.

Janedoe1234 · 24/12/2021 16:21

@LetHimHaveIt

'Hang on *@LetHimHaveIt*, the court order if for him to have the kids on the 25th - not that she can't do xmas early. We do xmas early all the time - its not illegal.

The kids will not care one bit. Two days of fun for the kids - brilliant. Its adult emotion at play here and its adult emotion that could potentially put a damper on a day that's supposed to be all-out the kids.

OP if you are still on the thread, dont get whipped up by comments like this. Let it roll over you and look forward to tomorrow 🍷

Hang on yourself. Apparently it's fine for posters to tear OP down telling her she's bitter, but I can't buoy her up a bit by saying I don't think she's in the wrong? I'm not whipping her up at all, so dial it down, Norma Rae.

I've actually drafted a few court orders/directions in my time, so I understand the OP, thanks. And no court in the land would prohibit a parent from celebrating 'their' Christmas on Christmas Eve, at any rate. I still think she could've been a bloody grown-up and done it on the kids' return because it feels an awful lot like trying to sabotage their first Xmas with dad.

No your not bouying her up - your egging on her bad thoughts on this.
Original poster
WhoisRebecca · 24/12/2021 16:22

I don't have 'bad thoughts.' I've already accepted that I was being unfair Smile

OP posts:
Janedoe1234 · 24/12/2021 16:25

@converseandjeans

I'm with you, I think it's odd. Personally I'd come up with a totally new set of traditions for your house and do something special and different

Agree with this. She is trying to upstage the Dad by doing her day first. Try not to let her spoil things.

I don't think it's right for children to have to do Christmas Day twice - it's to keep the parents happy not the children.

YANBU

Yeah kids dont like doing xmas day twice. Said no child ever. Grin

I had two Christmas's, I loved them. I also have SC, some years we even have xmas day a week earlier Shock

Janedoe1234 · 24/12/2021 16:26

@WhoisRebecca

I don't have 'bad thoughts.' I've already accepted that I was being unfair Smile
I know you have OP, break the Baileys open and have a lovely day tomorrow!
Original poster
WhoisRebecca · 24/12/2021 16:32

Yes I do think she's trying to upstage dad and I'm angry on his behalf that he suffered a Christmas where he didn't know where his beloved children were or if he would see them again. But these comments have helped me to centre the dc at the heart of all this - they will enjoy having those two special days and that's all that matters.

OP posts:
Brakebackcyclebot · 24/12/2021 16:34

We have 2 christmas days, and have had for the last 14 years. 8 don't do stockings on the years I don't have the DCs for actual Christmas day, but we do have presents, turkey etc etc. It' one of the upsides of having divorced parents

FrancescaContini · 24/12/2021 16:37

Blimey. Why can’t they have Christmas with their mum then Christmas with their dad?? So what if they have it twice - how does this affect you?

Original poster
WhoisRebecca · 24/12/2021 16:37

We've been over this @FrancescaContini

OP posts:
FrancescaContini · 24/12/2021 16:41

Ah okay. Didn’t RTFT.

I had two Christmases as a child - bloody amazing.

Didicat · 24/12/2021 16:43

I don’t think your thought are unreasonable.

However given her track record I’d be expecting a positive LFT test, so they have to isolate at home with her…..

Original poster
WhoisRebecca · 24/12/2021 16:45

I'm half expecting a positive LFT. Due to pick them up in ten. Will be so upsetting if they don't come.

OP posts:
Abraxan · 24/12/2021 16:46

I think lots of children who have separated parents have two Christmas days. I don't think it is a problem.

Cockwomblingfree · 24/12/2021 16:46

Oh you poor love. And poor DC.

I grew up with this happening, years of bigamists Christmases. I grew up hating it at both houses, didn't matter who did it first or which day was actually Christmas. It was a parental pissing contest, not about love at all. At 18 I hated Christmas so much I stopped doing it at all, and stopped seeing either parent over the holidays. It took 20 years before I celebrated it again, its all about my own DC now so we make it fun for him but I still get the glums sometimes. I haven't spent Christmas with either of my parents in 30 years, just because they couldn't cease hostilities for a few days a year.

Perhaps tell the mother this, its not a competition and trying to get one over on you/DH. Doing this double Christmas doesn't hurt you at all, but it could hurt her own DC a lot. DC want to make everyone happy and not upset either parent, who they love equally, so go along with it and cry inside. Christmas is for the DC, it shouldn't be this way.

Sprig1 · 24/12/2021 16:47

Nothing wrong with 2 Christmas days.it must be one of the only advantages of having divorced parents. Let them have their fun. You will get to go first next yr.

Original poster
WhoisRebecca · 24/12/2021 16:49

There's no point telling the mother anything. She only allows them here because she has no choice. I'm just hoping she doesn't use covid to block contact this year.

OP posts:
Cockwomblingfree · 24/12/2021 16:50

guess I'm on my own then, hating being forced to do it twice and being asked who did it best - best food, best gifts, best fun 🤷‍♀️.

Original poster
WhoisRebecca · 24/12/2021 16:52

We won't get to go first next year. DH never has them on Christmas Eve.

OP posts:
Lollypop701 · 24/12/2021 16:53

If she shows a positive lft, make her do another one in front of you. I’ve heard there’s ways to make them positive… orange juice I think. Anyway don’t just accept her positive test result!

MeridianB · 24/12/2021 16:53

FFS, you do NOT sound bitter, OP. I see the usual snarky sorts are determined to cause trouble here.

It’s odd that their mother has decided to do an early Christmas - I’ve heard mostly about whoever doesn’t have Christmas Day doing it afterwards. She’s super high conflict though, so perhaps not so surprising.

But don’t let it detract from your plans. Tune her out. I’m sure you’ll have a magical day and DH will be thrilled. Make it about your new and old traditions as a blended family. Shut out everything else for the next few days. 🎄🎁

And next year, you can do Christmas Day on 23 or 24 if you want to.

LetHimHaveIt · 24/12/2021 16:54

'No your not bouying her up - your egging on her bad thoughts on this'

Jesus . . .

cherryonthecakes · 24/12/2021 16:54

My kids have a roast at mine and their dad's. It helps that we prefer different joints so it's not turkey twice or something.

It sounds like she is trying to be spiteful by bringing Christmas forward a day when it suits her but try not to get sucked into this all or have a different Christmas routine to normal. There was a thread on here quite recently if people did 2 Christmases or something else and many said They did a different meal for when SC visited if SC weren't there on the 25th.

Original poster
WhoisRebecca · 24/12/2021 16:55

@Lollypop701 she would refuse to do that. When the sc actually had gone for a PCR she refused to share details. She has had to be court ordered to share medical info. DH once found out through school that his son was having an operation and she tried to block him from going to the hospital.

OP posts:
TeeBee · 24/12/2021 16:56

I'm sure the kids will have a ball having two Christmases. I'd just focus on making their day with you super fabulous. Both days will be special in their own way.