SC having Christmas twice

[WhoisRebecca]

DH and I have the SC this year for Christmas. They are here tonight until Boxing Day and it has been court ordered that Christmas will alternate each year so that the dc get Christmas with each parent. It went to court because dc's mother was obstructing contact and had actually never let DH have them at Christmas.

So she has now made today 'her' Christmas Day. The children were told that yesterday was Christmas Eve at mummy's and this morning Santa came and they will have their full Christmas lunch before coming to us for actual Christmas Eve. I can't help thinking it takes the shine off Christmas Day for them as it happens twice and also the SC now believe that they are the only children in the world for whom Santa comes twice a year. I know this seems a bit petty - but I think when you split up, you have to accept that Christmas is shared from then on.

Yeah sorry OP we always had 2 Christmas’. I think we all find a way to make it special for them. Ultimately it doesn’t after as long as the children get to see both parents and enjoy the day.

That's fine - happy to accept I'm wrong.

I'm honestly not 'bitter.'

We have alternated for the last nine years. We usually do Christmas at one House, then New Year as a second Christmas at the other. Kids are happy with it and it avoids stress and arguments. I can see why her doing it on Xmas Eve might take some of the Christmas excitement away from Christmas Day itself, but I wouldn't argue over it if the kids enjoyed doing it that way tbh.

My eldest child is not my husband and she alternates Xmas between here and her fathers. If she is there, she has all of her presents when she comes home and I do another big christmas dinner for her too. Don't see the issue? Would you prefer she not buy them presents?!

Santa comes to both houses for my DSD. Always has. Double the magic is the result!

Whenever I've done anything vaguely similar it's a Christmas style meal a couple of days before the kids move houses. Maybe one present each. Rest saved until after.
I wouldn't dream of filling the kids with Xmas dinner then sending them over to their fathers the same day. It would take the edge off it for a everyone

But then I'm reasonable.

Oh gosh no - of course I'm not suggesting she doesn't buy them presents - I'm not evil!

I've already accepted I'm wrong

@WhoisRebecca Do you really enjoy all the Christmas food and stuff on the day? Perhaps you'd actually enjoy a completely different meal and could make up your own exciting traditions over the coming years. I'm doing duck and pancakes this year - much easier and MUCH more popular!

Maybe you have a very difficult chimney for Santa to climb down, and so he sends an elf or whatever the next day with 'extras' to make up for 'disappointment'! Come on, write your own story, don't be dictated to by convention and other people trying to steal your thunder. Create lightning

Well therefore she won’t mind you guys doing exactly the same next year!

Oh come on. OP you didn't stand a chance questioning the sainted mum, step parents are always in the wrong.
Mums annoyed she's got court ordered to share Xmas and is doing it to spite her ex. The whole bit about it being Xmas eve on her day, it's just to get one up on dad. I know loads of people who do two Christmas days, but not anyone that insists that Christmas Eve is another day. And all the ones that I know do the extra day afterwards. Ie Boxing Day or the 27th.

If that's an ok thing for her, and it is as she's done it, then I would absolutely do the same the following year.

I can see why you’re a bit disgruntled, as she wouldn’t let him do the same previously. If the DCs are little enough to believe in FC then they’ll believe any version of it. I’ve never met Child who doesn’t love extra presents.

[quote SpaceshiptoMars]@WhoisRebecca Do you really enjoy all the Christmas food and stuff on the day? Perhaps you'd actually enjoy a completely different meal and could make up your own exciting traditions over the coming years. I'm doing duck and pancakes this year - much easier and MUCH more popular!

Maybe you have a very difficult chimney for Santa to climb down, and so he sends an elf or whatever the next day with 'extras' to make up for 'disappointment'! Come on, write your own story, don't be dictated to by convention and other people trying to steal your thunder. Create lightning[/quote]
Love this, best of all worlds, let others do what they want and you have your own fab day in your own way!

@WhoisRebecca

I can see where you're coming from. Santa comes twice? So unrealistic lol.

Santa comes once on the same night and he drops presents at both parents house and when the kids go from house to house the presents are there waiting!!

My children come home from their dads on 27th and they will know Santa would have dropped gifts off on Christmas, when it was actually Christmas.

Doing it before is weird and totally spoils the magic the children will have at your house (although I'm sure they will believe in it all again for you).

My kids get two christmasses but there is only ONE Christmas Day.

I see your point entirely!

Of course Mum wants to do a special meal, have a tree, give presents etc etc

But telling children it is Christmas Day when it isn't, and that Santa comes twice, at 9 and 6 is very selfish.

I would do the same, her kids are only little for such a short period of time, I wouldn't be missing out on the excitement of Father Christmas coming and seeing their faces just because they are going to their Dads.

@time2tork yes that's how I've always done it - Santa comes once but you get presents at both houses.

You not wrong, just peeved that the first Christmas with their dad may feel less special. Especially when she had alll previous years. But you can do the same next year! Also h you will have your own traditions. Movie night on Christmas night, awls to see all the lights before perhaps and hit chocolate when you get home- whatever you decide.

I'm with you, I think it's odd.
Personally I'd come up with a totally new set of traditions for your house and do something special and different.

And I say that as a child of separated parents

I agree it's a bit weird to make it IDENTICAL to Christmas day.

I'm a stepchild myself and used to alternate but christmas eve was always different - lovely but different. We used to have a lovely buffet style dinner and presents in the evening. I think I actually used to look forward to it more!

@worriedandannoyed

You sound so bitter

No she doesn't. She does sound like somebody who's supported the children's dad who had to go to court though.

Pretty sure that’s normal? That’s how my Christmas and everyone I know who’s parents weren’t together went also.

It must be so hard for children in blended families, why not have this one "bonus" if they are happy with it?

She won't mind next year when dad has them the weekend before Xmas and has a full Christmas Day will she?

You don't sound 'bitter' to me, OP: like 'jealous', it's a word MNers sling around all the fucking time 🙄 But she sounds fairly spiteful.

Two Christmas celebrations are fine. Wholly understandable. But she's finally been court-ordered to let your husband have this Christmas Day, so she's stealing a march on you by doing it the day before. She could've been gracious and done it on their return.

Marry Christmas to you. You're not wrong in my book.