SC having Christmas twice

[WhoisRebecca]

DH and I have the SC this year for Christmas. They are here tonight until Boxing Day and it has been court ordered that Christmas will alternate each year so that the dc get Christmas with each parent. It went to court because dc's mother was obstructing contact and had actually never let DH have them at Christmas.

So she has now made today 'her' Christmas Day. The children were told that yesterday was Christmas Eve at mummy's and this morning Santa came and they will have their full Christmas lunch before coming to us for actual Christmas Eve. I can't help thinking it takes the shine off Christmas Day for them as it happens twice and also the SC now believe that they are the only children in the world for whom Santa comes twice a year. I know this seems a bit petty - but I think when you split up, you have to accept that Christmas is shared from then on.

So she’s brought things forward a day to celebrate with her children? Maybe a little thoughtless in taking the shine off things for you but lovely for the children.

My parents split when I was a toddler. My Dad used to travel 3 hours to Mum’s on Boxing Day. “Father Christmas couldn’t find your stocking at my house, so he left these!’ And I would be presented with stocking gifts in a cardboard box!! It was lovely as I got a second ‘stocking’ without ruining the magic.

@Datsandcogs no I don't think it's thoughtless. I think it's entirely deliberate given the past history- but the dc have had a lovely time which is all that matters.

I also had 2 Christmas celebrations as did lots of people I know. BUT no one I know had a parent do it the day before it was Christmas with the other parent and pretend Father Christmas was coming too!
You are not wrong OP to find it annoying.
The reason a court shares Christmas is because it is reasonable that both parents get to experience it with their child.
I don’t think trying to replicate the day before the child goes off when they are not with you is the right way to go about it.
I mean, there are hundreds of ways to celebrate beforehand in whatever way, and then time after.

OP having experienced similar I can see what is going on here. Clearly the idea is that parents do Christmas alternative years. It would seem sensible for the parent that isn't their year to do the presents Boxing Day or whatever day is the date of return of the kids. However, this Clearly isn't going to happen. Its unfortunate but there are parents like this.

I'd advise against doing something similar in a future year as it just becomes a race to the bottom with the kids losing out.

As the non resident parent you have to pick your battles and accept that you'll have to let go things which are perfectly fair and reasonable but aren't worth investing in.

We alternate Christmas Eve and Christmas Day is always split. Santa visits two houses and it seems to work for the kids!

OP, I'm with you on this. I don't think you're being bitter or petty at all and I say that having been a child with separated parents who always had two separate Christmas days. Given the history, I think it was highly likely that she deliberately chose to celebrate her day on Christmas Eve - she could easily have celebrated on Boxing Day. It's spiteful and petty.
But, I'm glad the thread helped you to look beyond the pettiness, and focus on the positives for the children. I'm glad you all had a lovely time.