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Original poster

SC having Christmas twice

156 replies

WhoisRebecca · 24/12/2021 15:00

DH and I have the SC this year for Christmas. They are here tonight until Boxing Day and it has been court ordered that Christmas will alternate each year so that the dc get Christmas with each parent. It went to court because dc's mother was obstructing contact and had actually never let DH have them at Christmas.

So she has now made today 'her' Christmas Day. The children were told that yesterday was Christmas Eve at mummy's and this morning Santa came and they will have their full Christmas lunch before coming to us for actual Christmas Eve. I can't help thinking it takes the shine off Christmas Day for them as it happens twice and also the SC now believe that they are the only children in the world for whom Santa comes twice a year. I know this seems a bit petty - but I think when you split up, you have to accept that Christmas is shared from then on.

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Original poster
WhoisRebecca · 24/12/2021 16:57

If we get them, we willSmile

OP posts:
Nillynally · 24/12/2021 17:00

That sounds lovely. Could it be that you you're jealous on behalf of your children who aren't getting two Christmas days? I always had two Christmas days growing up- made up for not being able to spend the actual day with both parents together

Atypicaldancer · 24/12/2021 17:01

No I’m not jealous on behalf of my children.

SheWolfOFFrancee · 24/12/2021 17:02

OP I’m sorry people are being obtuse on this thread. It’s not the fact they’re having two Christmas’s it’s the fact she’s done the whole big Christmas including Santa visit and food BEFORE a Christmas Day. Obviously we can only go on your opinion but I doubt it was for the kids and more for her own spiteful gain. She could have done her Xmas when the kids got back.

I’m a child of divorce and had 2 Christmas every year but my mum never would have done a full Christmas before the day always after.

I have a son with my ex and we alternate Christmas. When it’s my ex turn I always do my Christmas with DS on his return

Earwigworries · 24/12/2021 17:04

It sounds like there’s a huge back story here . It’s not really about just her upstaging DH at Christmas is it . Try very hard not to let it get to you and concentrate on scs … they maybe enjoying both Christmas Days but they may well also be upset by the stress over Christmas caused by mum ..

Original poster
WhoisRebecca · 24/12/2021 17:04

@SheWolfOFFrancee yes that's exactly it.

Anyway we've got them, yay, so the fun starts!

OP posts:
MeridianB · 24/12/2021 17:05

[quote WhoisRebecca]@Lollypop701 she would refuse to do that. When the sc actually had gone for a PCR she refused to share details. She has had to be court ordered to share medical info. DH once found out through school that his son was having an operation and she tried to block him from going to the hospital.[/quote]
So she’s really got the best interests of her children at heart. Not.

MeridianB · 24/12/2021 17:05

[quote WhoisRebecca]@SheWolfOFFrancee yes that's exactly it.

Anyway we've got them, yay, so the fun starts![/quote]
Yay indeed. Have fun!

BamberGascoine · 24/12/2021 17:08

OP you aren’t wrong. You aren’t bitter but the fact you are happy to accept you might be says alot about what kind of person you are. Quietly seethe and don’t give her the satisfaction of kicking off. I would imagine your DH will be like the cat that got the cream having the kids for Christmas so that will more than make up for it.

I would definitely start looking for your own traditions, panto, tunnel of light walk etc. things ylu can do any day. They are the bits the kids will remember. Have a fab one

Doyoumind · 24/12/2021 17:09

The sad thing is that if they still believe in Santa - which they younger one probably does - their mum has created a lie that other children will put them right on. At least when the second Christmas is celebrated after the real one, Santa is still visiting on the same night for everyone, not making a special early visit.

FallonCarringtonWannabe · 24/12/2021 17:10

We have multiple christmas meals throughout the twelve days. We also have presents on the 6th of jan.

Let them have two days. It can only be a good thing.

cansu · 24/12/2021 17:28

Unless you are religious, Christmas is the day you have a nice meal and Santa brings presents for kids. Either parent can do this on any day they like. The kids will be happy to have two lovely days so it seems churlish to dislike this. Should one parent have to lose out for the other to win?
I assume that on Xmas day this year she will go to friends or have an ordinary day at home. You could do this yourselves if you wanted to next year.

cansu · 24/12/2021 17:30

Doyoumind
It isn't possible to create a lie about Santa because Santa is in itself a lie. Parents tell their kids all sorts of crap about Santa. I hardly think it is sad that kids are told Santa will be dropping off some parents for them twice.

Cockwomblingfree · 24/12/2021 17:32

oh God no its no the fact that there are 2 Christmases, its that the mother is being a dick about it. I suspect that those of us with happily divorced parents had a great double celebration, those with acrimonious, bitter parents had a more difficult time of it.

You've got them, have a fab time and put her out of your mind.

AgentDavid · 24/12/2021 17:33

@time2tork

Sounds like the Mum wanted to get in there first with the presents 😂

My kids are having Christmas on the 27th with me as they are at their dads.

I waited until after Christmas, doesn't feel right doing it before.

I agree with this. Fake/extra Christmas should always be done after in my opinion. Then whoever has Christmas that year gets the magical first one.

However the "having two Christmas days" in itself is fine.

Pinkyxx · 24/12/2021 17:35

I kind of feel it's a bit unfair she's done the 'Santa' thing before Christmas. I alternate with my ex and I'd honestly never have done that when DD was little. I can understand why you feel it's taken the 'shine' a bit. The children will enjoy take 2, and I'm sure as soon as they've seen their presents the other Christmas will be a distant memory!

BertieBotts · 24/12/2021 17:35

I grew up with divorced parents and this is how we did it every year, it's completely normal.

ancientgran · 24/12/2021 17:38

I think it is fine except for Father Christmas coming twice, that seems a bit strange. Will you do the same next year?

I used to have my kids Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, then they went to their dad for Christmas afternoon/night and Boxing Day.

Rtmhwales · 24/12/2021 17:42

[quote time2tork]@WhoisRebecca

I can see where you're coming from. Santa comes twice? So unrealistic lol.

Santa comes once on the same night and he drops presents at both parents house and when the kids go from house to house the presents are there waiting!!

My children come home from their dads on 27th and they will know Santa would have dropped gifts off on Christmas, when it was actually Christmas.

Doing it before is weird and totally spoils the magic the children will have at your house (although I'm sure they will believe in it all again for you).

My kids get two christmasses but there is only ONE Christmas Day. [/quote]

^This. But if you're a step parent or a dad seems you're always wrong. I've never understood why mum gets all the magic.

Are they with your for Christmas Eve next year? I'd do the same as her then (depending on when your kids are there and if they still believe or not).

ancientgran · 24/12/2021 17:48

[quote WhoisRebecca]@Lollypop701 she would refuse to do that. When the sc actually had gone for a PCR she refused to share details. She has had to be court ordered to share medical info. DH once found out through school that his son was having an operation and she tried to block him from going to the hospital.[/quote]
Well that tells you everything about her doesn't it. Playing one upmanship with a sick child.

Bananarama21 · 24/12/2021 17:48

You sound salty that she's got in their first. She's just celebrated a day earlier, she's very much entitled to celebrate Christmas how she sees fit they are only young aswell. Don't be bitter end of the day the kids get two days.

Original poster
WhoisRebecca · 24/12/2021 18:03

That's fine - they are here now and not hungry at all as they've eaten a big Christmas lunch. We don't have them on Christmas Eve usually- the court ordered contact is for Boxing Day next year. I'm not 'salty' or 'bitter' and I've established that it's not an issue Smile

OP posts:
Janedoe1234 · 24/12/2021 18:08

I am so glad my dh ex wife wasn't this petty. Neither of us where. We have both taken the kids out of the country over xmas so regulary had xmas early.

Are they with your for Christmas Eve next year? I'd do the same as her then (depending on when your kids are there and if they still believe or not)

@Rtmhwales this is exactly the type of shite that fuels warring between parents. Grow up.

candlelightsatdawn · 24/12/2021 18:17

I think it's ok to be disappointed since it's been a long time coming but I think lying to the kids saying Santa comes twice to them, won't dull the magic for them !

Don't take it to heart. Kids all love Christmas! Btw this board can be as tricky as aibu just a head up !

Have a lovely day don't let her ruin this xxx

PinkandGreenWaterBottle · 24/12/2021 18:18

My DD gets two santa visits, we explain it as him being a bit silly and not knowing which house she's sleeping at so he leaves presents at both just to be sure.

She doesn't seem scarred or upset by it, in fact she loves it!